Wednesday, October 8, 2014

I'm Not Ok Today




For as easily as words come to me, they aren't coming to me today. I don't know how I feel. I kind of feel happy that I survived a year. I feel like maybe I should be proud that I've learned so much. I feel angry that he was never caught. I'm extremely aware of all that was taken that night. I'm sad that my friends turned their backs on me. I can't believe how deeply, unimaginably, painful it all still is. I wish it didn't hurt so bad.

Gosh does it still hurt.

I don't know how I feel today.

I think today is a day that I am not ok.

Maybe tomorrow will feel better.

22 comments:

  1. It's okay to be not okay. Be kind to yourself, do something that comforts you and know that we all love you.

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    1. Thank you :) I ended up having a really busy day at work which sort of helped me just power through it. Lots of tears yesterday but feeling a bit brighter today.

      You guys are awesome :)

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  2. hugs and chocolate chip cookies for you. If you don't like chocolate chip cookies, then whatever cookies you do like for you :D

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    1. Ha, love it. It was a teary couple of days but I'm literally sitting on my couch right now eating chocolate chip cookies!

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  3. *hugs*

    It's okay to not be okay. Take care of yourself today. We're all here for you.

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    1. Thank you :) I took a couple days away from the blog, needed a breather, but I'm back!

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  4. Dear, sweet Eden. I wish there were words that could make this pain go away, but if they exist, I surely don't know what they are.Hopefully this day will get easier for you as the years go by.

    In the meantime, lots of love and fierce hugs to you.

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  5. Agreed with those above--It's ok to not be ok. That's part of life, and living. I hope that it feels a little better today than it did a year ago, and that it will feel a little better a year from now than it feels today. Love and hugs-and just remember, no matter how bad it feels, you are surviving and thriving, despite everything he did (and continues to do) to you. *HUGS*

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    1. Thank you dearie :) I needed to hear that :)

      *hugs*

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  6. I said a prayer for you. I know there isn't much any of us can say to make it better but I pray that God lifts and heals you from this nightmare you had go endure. And that justice will be done to your attacker as He sees fit (and i don't doubt that it will be done)
    Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. Romans 12:19

    Here are some bible verses that may give you a tiny bit of comfort http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-pain-10-comforting-scriptures/

    I'm so sorry you're feeling how you're feeling, and you've got every right to feel that way. Just remember that this too shall pass. You've been through so much and in time i hope this becomes a distant memory for you. One that the pain will ease up on and yet another time in your life where you've kicked it's a** back because you're stronger than the things that try to bring you down as you've proven countless amount of times. Hugs &well wishes sent your way..

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    1. Thank you SO much! I needed all of that. I looked at it on Wednesday but I'm just getting around to replying now. Took a couple days to myself to just breathe and "be."

      Thank you for caring!!

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  7. I'm so sorry about how you feel right now. I will offer hugs if you would like them.

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  8. Here's a virtual hug. I hope today is ok, if not fight on to see what tomorrow holds for you. When I'm not ok, I put on my tough song to help me be brave in the face of pain which is Jillette Johnson - Torpedo.

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    1. I love your virtual hug, thank you :) I read this on Wednesday I'm just getting around to replying today. I looked up your song too, thank you!!

      *hugs*

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  9. The friends you lost weren't worth having. There are plenty more friends here for you now. Only time will take this hurt away.

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    1. Thanks hun :) I love knowing that you guys are here for me, it really means a lot!

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  10. well, Eden, I'm feeling the EXACT same way tonight. Funny how you always write what i think! (i would have used the same words)....a virtual hug to you, sister!!!

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    1. I hope your day was better today. I'm sending you a HUGE hug!!

      *HUG*

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  11. *if not, the funniest blogger
    I don't know how my mind made that sentence! And I do not know why I'm correcting it, as my last sentence isn't properly structured o.o

    I am a perfectionist.
    *waddles away*

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  12. Haha, well that is quite the compliment, thank you!

    I will go check out that link now, thank you for sharing!!

    I'm happy to have you on this journey with me :)

    *hugs*

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