Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Please Take All The Animals


So as I've said roughly 8.7 million times before, I live on the edge of nowhere. In fact even my neighborhood seems to be becoming part of the field these days, seeing as how every spring we become engulfed in corn husks that blow off the fields from last years harvest.

Excuse the poor quality, I was sitting in my car waiting for someone and didn't bother to roll the window down when I snapped these pictures.




You guys, those are corn husks. Piles and piles of corn husks that blow onto my street from the fields and set up camp. 

It's like the field is eating us.

Although if I had to choose between the corn wandering over or anything from the farm on the other side of me wandering over, I'm going to choose the corn because the other farm next to me is a yak farm.

Yep, a yak farm.


I honestly didn't even know there was such a thing as a yak farm, but apparently there is, and it's right by my house, which is another thing I don't understand.

I have absolutely no idea what anyone would need a yak for, especially in my state. Seriously, I'm asking, what do you do with a yak? They honestly look a bit frightening to me. I've never heard of anyone eating yak before, so maybe you do something with their hair? Is it even called hair? Fur?

Looks to long to be called fur.

What the hell do you do with a yak?

(Note to self: add "what is a yak used for" to my "things I must Google" list)

Either way, the yak farm shares a lot line with a Christmas tree farm and beyond that, even more farms. The first time my brother tried to come over to my house, I got a phone call from him saying "I think I must have passed it. I've been driving for 45 minutes and all I see are 3 buffalo." 

In case you were unaware though, there are the obvious perks to living in "the country," like the fact that because I am zoned as a rural area, my mailman carries a supply of stamps with him. I mean how awesome is that!? Do you even have that service in your fancy schmancy urban cities?

PROBABLY NOT!

If I should ever find myself unwilling to trek the 3 minutes to the post office, I, in my rural area of corn husks and yak, have the luxury of curbside stamp delivery, and I don't even have to pre-order them!

It's like an office supplies ice cream truck!

Yay rural living!


And of course the taxes are relatively low which is AH-MAY-ZING, even if that means there is no funding for a sewer system and when it rains too much the police have to boat us out of the neighborhood... but still...money saver...

(At least my house is on a hill so the flooding annoys me but doesn't really affect me, even if I sometimes can't get out...).



So really, free boat rides, forced quality time with your annoying inquisitive children, and curbside delivered stamps, what more could you want?

What is that? You say that isn't enough to sway you?

What if I told you that by living here you could have your very own up close and personal animal encounter?

You can!!

The birds make their nests in any available space they can find, so really, they are EVERYWHERE, which you know...yay. Try getting your mail during hatching season and you might literally need a helmet to avoid having some homronal momma bird dive-bomb a hole through your head, but, if you like action, this is the place to be!

Notice the nests in between each mailbox

Birds not what you had in mind? What if I told you that you would have the opportunity to interact with wildlife in a way that city folk just don't get to? Have you ever heard a coyote mate? It sounds pretty much exactly like what I would expect a dying dolphin to sound like.

Just ponder that for a minute.



If you'd like to hear that in real life, come on over next spring and when they wake us up in the middle of the night, I will show you how to open - then immediately slam - the front door hard enough to scare them away (because simply pounding on the windows doesn't work, I've tried).

If that's not immersive enough for you, have you ever gotten an urgent reverse 911 call from your town saying that they had three reports of coyotes attacking people walking dogs, and that there had been four reports of hawks stealing any leftover small dogs right out of their very own backyards?

I have.


I could always forward you the message if you like scary things.

Am I not swaying you yet?

Do you like thrill rides?

Try driving down some of these country roads when the corn is five feet high and tell me you don't scream your ever-living lungs out when a deer (or a turkey) leaps from the corn and lands directly in front of your car.

Nothing to shake up your day like encountering a suicidal deer.


Because that's fun.

Jokes aside though, two years ago a man was killed just up the street from me when he drove into a bull that was standing in the middle of the road. There are no street lights on most of these roads and it gets so dark out here that you can't even see a bull standing in the road.

But really, the animals are great, I love them!

Except for all the times that I don't.

I don't currently love the owl that took up residence in the tree outside my window, just as he has every spring for the last several years, where he then stays through the summer.

Every. Single. Year.

Seriously, how long do these things live for anyways? I really hope that this branch of his is not some kind of estate that's being passed down from owl generation to owl generation because this is like having my own personal freaking deranged rooster that starts hooting its stupid owl face off as soon as the first ray of light breaks through the horizon.

Basically what I'm saying is that if you live in my neighborhood you will be blessed with the joyous site of one Ms. Eden Strong, outside at 5am, in her pajamas, throwing rocks at a tree. Do you have any idea of how loud owls really are?

I HATE THAT OWL.

**I don't want to kill it, or even injure it, I just strongly want to encourage it to re home itself.**

"So what is this post all about?" you ask.

Nothing really.

It's 5:30am and I'm awake because a stupid freaking stupid owl that I hate, with it's stupid owl face, and it's stupid, stupid, hooting, is hooting its stupid owl face off from a branch, two feet from my window, and I can't sleep.

Stupid hooting owl.

Really, rural living is great, come over, want to buy my house?

Comes with a free owl.

P.S. if any of you are owl hunters or trappers or re homers, I may be willing to break my identity cover if you want to lend me your services.

Email me.

Stupid owl.




P.S.S Canada, please come get your geese, we here in America are completely overstocked.


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If You Liked This Article, Read This One!

"I Could Have Been Eaten By A Wolf"


Photo Credits

14 comments:

  1. They don't call it "wild"life for nothing! I recommend a garden hose for the owl. :D

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    1. A GARDEN HOSE!!???

      How in the HELL has that thought never occured to me!?

      GENIUS!!

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  2. I second the garden hose idea for the owl, haha.

    We lived in Georgia (in the middle of nowhere - 45 minutes to the grocery store, doctor's office, etc.) for a while when I was little and there was a farm near our house. They had a couple of pot bellied pigs that for some reason always came to our yard. It got to the point where we had to walk around inside, looking out all the windows, before we went outside because those damn pigs would run at us. They were friendly and just wanted to be petted, but when you're a little kid and a 200lb animal is running towards you, it's TERRIFYING.

    Ah....rural areas. They're so awesome.

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    Replies
    1. Uh... forget being a kid, a 200lb pig running at me at any age is TERRIFYING.

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    2. I remember hearing the VERY LOUD oinking once and frantically climbing up on my dad's pickup truck and into the bed. The pig came running over, nudged the truck gently a few times, then laid down and ROLLED OVER ONTO HIS BACK.

      I swear he was more dog than pig. I climbed out of the truck and rubbed his belly. He was making little oinking sounds and licking me. It was so cute. But also, screaming pig running towards you...TERRIFYING.

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  3. If i could talk the wonderful city loving country hating husband into it, id move to the country yesterday. I love the sounds of nature at night and the actual ability to see stars. I spent my summers on my uncle's farm outside of Colorado springs.

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  4. I forgot earlier....Yaks are raised primarily for their fleece, and for milk. Occasionally for meat, as well. wink emoticon

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  5. Everything about this post was fantastic. :)

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  6. Those aren't yaks, they're highland cattle. Not such an uncommon mistake.

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    Replies
    1. I dunno, I just read the sign that says yak farm! ;)

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