Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Another Round Of "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"

I had so much fun writing the "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?" post during Christmas, that I decided to do another one. Are you guys OK with that? I just feel like I come across so many strange things for sale, that I really want the rest of you to agree laugh with me that you would never buy that are unsure of its purpose.

Like this for example


I mean... really? REALLY? Because when I see this toilet, I see two things in your future: A divorce, or a codependency diagnosis.

Seriously, don't get your wife a double toilet, get her the most romantic card that you can find, like this one that I saw on sale last Valentine's Day:


I really just have one issue with this card: Everyone knows that "shiv" is a noun and the verb should have been "to shank."

Don't get me this card mkay? The grammar would kill me.

I'm just sayin', if you're going to sell something, use your words to come up with the best sales pitch that you can think of, like this person that I saw selling a basket on a local sales site:


He's right. With all those possibilities, how could you not want to buy his ginormous basket?

And if he hasn't sold you, or the price was too high ($999 was a bit steep), maybe this lady will because her sales pitch, if anything else, is unique.


You had better hurry, there's only seven nasty ass drinks left!

But don't worry, if you happen to miss out on the free drinks, I have something that will still brighten your day! Do you hate washing dishes?
I do, which was why I was so THRILLED when I came across this edible spoon maker!


Now I'll never have to wash dishes again!

I'm not really sure how much time I'll be saving on dish washing since I have to take the time to make and bake the spoons... and I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to make the batter without any dishes (since the point is to avoid washing dishes), but I'm sure that's irrelevant. This is America you know, and we will buy anything!!!

And apparently, try to sell anything:







Now those people, they're doing it right.

But this person... the jury is still out. I'll let you decide. 

Would you sell something that was previously covered in urine? Or buy it??


I guess the only valid reason why you might not buy an item previously covered in urine, is because you are saving your money for this baby!!!


BOOM!

That car is SURE to get you some ladies!

Just like this beauty!

(Because nothing says "welcome to my home" like a place to hang your purse and gun).



Now this sale, I drove past it on my way to... actually I can't remember... but I do remember pulling a u-turn so that I could drive by it again and take a picture.


Anyone care to sing with me? "One of these things is not like the other..."

I'm telling you, you are one mislabeled item away from a tragedy... or a really big cat...

And speaking of strange, this combo just seems a bit random to me...


I dunno, maybe I'm just out of the loop, because I also don't understand this combo:


They say "ramen," I say "no thanks, I do not want to eat your burger made out of a bun that looks like maggots."

Nope, I'd rather go eat a chocolate bunny the size of my first born child:


In fact, maybe I'll buy two.



Because this is America, and in America, we will buy anything!!!

***************

If You Liked This Post, Make Sure To Check Out The First Edition Of "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"

10 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Eden....But "to shiv" is also appropriate. Shiv and shank are two of the verby nouns. Nouny verbs. Also, can you check and see if the Regency is still available? I'm looking for a daily driver, and I see those in my neighborhood all the time. Seems like they must be pretty reliable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well you have disappointed me.

      So there.

      Humph.

      ;)

      Delete
  2. I would totally buy that shiv card for a friend of mine, but that's kind of our sense of humor, haha.

    That double toilet is frightening.

    WOW THAT IS A HUGE BASKET. IMAGINE ALL THE THINGS YOU COULD PUT INSIDE!!!

    That pee box/fire hydrant thing...used? Uh, no. Gross. Reminds me of the time I saw someone trying to sell a used menstrual cup. Now, I'm all for the menstrual cups, but I'd like mine to be factory sealed and NEVER inserted into any one else's hoo ha.

    That ramen burger looks disgusting.

    And now I want a gigantic chocolate bunny.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHATEVER WILL YOU PUT IN THAT HUUUUGGGGGEEE BASKET?

      Delete
  3. Not sure which was my favorite, but I am definitely drawn to the edible spoons! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Is that supposed to be romantic? Because eww, pew.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Shiv is correct, Eden!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shiv is correct. Nothing wrong with car--pretty cool not sure why it's in the bunch. The cat food and hay bails sign--what's there not to understand there? Obviously a feed store as I buy grass seed, hay, and dog food at the same small shop. Samurai Santa's are like ugly sweater cookies--trendy last year. Edible spoons are popular too--restaurants popping up in NYC featuring them. Ramen! You can't possibly claim to have ever been poor and not made ramen. Chocolate bunnies--easter. Missed the mark on this post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes, I conceded that I was wrong about Shiv. I WAS WRONG. I'm human, and sometimes I'm wrong :)

      But hey, there were a ton of Santa Cookies on the shelf still! I bet if you hurry you could grab a few at a great deal, especially with all the free time you appear to have. I mean that's just my assumption, but I've never met anyone before that actually took the time to hate write on blogs they don't like, unless they didn't have anything more interesting to do or some friends to hang out with.

      Delete