Thursday, August 17, 2017

The Next Edition Of "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"

Last night I was flipping through the TV channels and I came across an emerald ring that was on sale on the home shopping network, for the low, low price of $20,000. Since I didn't feel like jumping up to grab my credit card to buy the ugliest ring I had ever seen after I had gotten all comfortable on the couch, I finally edited this little beauty for you! Because if there is anything that I have enjoyed writing more than the "Things That Make You Ask Why" series, it's this series.

Really though, nothing says 'Murica, more than the examples of what you can buy in our stores. So without further ado, I ask you, "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"

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Wait... what? I have so many questions here that I'm not even sure where to start.


So I guess I'll just start with, "why not shop online for recycled car parts that you can use the next time you attend a riot?"

You never know when you might need to rush over to a riot, and it would suck to be unprepared!

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"Hi there, I'm selling this washer because it doesn't work. It never fills up with water, and it just makes everything really hot. Maybe it's actually some sort of a dry-clean washer?"


Word of advice here, if you are selling something, you should probably make sure you know what you are selling, because the laws of irony state that some poor sap with the same level of intelligence as you, will probably buy this dryer and be very upset that it isn't washing their clothes right.

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Ready to celebrate the 4th of July? Well I was, and so I ran to the dollar store to pick up a few surprises for the kids, and next to the glow necklaces, glow bracelets, and glow flags, I found this:


Not sure why I might need a glow axe... and I'm not sure I even want to know! "Here kids, let's go light off some fireworks and chop a few things up!"

Holidays.

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Why wouldn't you want to buy this? I mean really, I honestly can't think of one good reason why you wouldn't want to buy a toilet seat from a stranger; especially one with this much bling!


Why wouldn't you want to buy something that a stranger's butt cheeks have snuggled?

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Speaking of things that I can't figure out why you wouldn't buy them, here are two Barbies that give me absolutely no real reason why I wouldn't buy them... but I also can't really figure out why you would.

"Happy birthday kiddo! I got you passport Barbie!"

"Thanks dad, what does she do?"

"Well, she isn't a chef, or a doctor, or a fashionista like any of the other Barbies you have, nope, this one can pretend to go to Asia! Just make sure that you don't take Ken with her, because that would be highly illegal without his passport. This Barbie is strictly for solo travels where she intends to find herself."

Your child not much into international travel? Well fear not, because now you can buy her "Heart Hands Barbie!" Who has heart hands! Because... yay... heart hands... who can probably double as "Fake Binocular Barbie" if you put her arms up!

I honestly cannot even fathom the hours of fun a child might have with her.

Can't imagine it one bit...

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In need of a phone? Well you are in luck because I just saw this scroll across my screen. I mean sure you can't actually use it, you're going to owe money as soon as you acquire it, and the screen is smashed, but hey, it's only $100 bucks!

Better hurry before a line forms.

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Well how convenient for you that someone bought the wrong numbers. If only there was a way to fix that... IF ONLY...


Hey, their loss is your gain!


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Now here is a real question. Why did I buy this?? I have no idea; I don't think I read the ingredients clearly beforehand. Apparently I like my gluten free food to be lab grown.



Tasty.

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Do you know what's better than one fuzzy picture you can't make out?

Three of them.

"Oh darn, they aren't coming out clear. Maybe if I just put up a bunch of them, someone will get the general idea."


I mean it's not like being able to actually see the product is going to make it sell any faster.

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This, I scrolled past during Christmas last year (2016), and I took a screenshot because it just struck me as odd.


If you have only collected three things (2013, 2014, and 2015), and you've already lost 1/3rd of your collection... collecting might not be for you... just sayin'...

But what does she know, she's just looking for a friend...


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Well, that's about it. I'm going to change into my pajamas now so that I can run to Walmart and pick up a penny filled toilet seat. 

Since it's Walmart, I'd better also grab a riot shield...

Catch ya on the flip side.

And I'd also like to point out, that I came across these beauties all myself, but if you come across anything that you just can't understand why anyone would(n't) want to buy it, make sure to send me a picture at notmyshametobear@gmail.com to be featured in the blog!

Check out more "Why On Earth Would I Buy That," by clicking here!

13 comments:

  1. Obviously the glow axe is for Viking raves. Vikings LOVE raves.

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    Replies
    1. You are so right. How did I not realize that before!?

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  2. It took me awhile to figure out my favorite one... It was a hard Choice believe me. The address numbers actually made me laugh though. Thanks for the morning smile

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  3. Well when protests are being protested and no one knows how to behave but you're just tryin' to walk down the street it might make sense to use a car door to get through that mess. Beep beep, just passing through! Y'all are blocking the CVS!

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  4. I laughed way too hard at the address numbers one, and then I cried. Because really, how can you be that stupid? I fear for the future.

    The washer (incognito dryer) reminded me of something only because the person is selling something and they have no idea what it is. I remember seeing a Facebook post of a Craigslist ad (that was from Myspace, which was copied to Twitter, which appeared on Snapchat,etc.). A woman posed an image of the item and the description said something along the lines of "I found this bracelet in my daughter's room and she said she doesn't want it anymore. It's beautiful." And it was definitely not a bracelet. It was a set of anal beads.

    One thing that I see far more often than I'd like is ads for USED reusable menstrual cups and pads. Now, I'm all for the reusable feminine products, but uh...if I'm going to use them, I'm going to use my own. I don't want used, thank you very much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RIGHT!?

      I remember seeing that post circulate facebook! How funny!!!!

      Used menstrual cups? Oh my gosh, THE END IS NEAR.

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  5. The penny toilet seat is pretty creepy and I can't figure out why. 🤑

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  6. I loved the address numbers! When I was reading this all I could think of is the "down-filled" bras from the '80s. Why on earth would you wear goose down under your shirt as a bra? That's not the area of my body that ever got cold!!!
    On a side note Eden, I have a pid Groupon for the salt caves that I'm unable to use. It expires 10/23/17. If you or any of your friends could use is, email me your email address and I'll transfer it to you!
    Thanks for having a great sense of humor after all that you've been through, and for letting it shine through all that you write!
    Tasha
    cassidysmom@cox.net

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh lol. Down filled bras were a real thing!? All I can think of when pondering that, is down comforters, when every once in a while, a feather works it's way through and pokes you!!

      Also, I facebook messaged you back :)

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  7. Gives new meaning to, "a penny for your thoughts"

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  8. Ok...my heart sank for a second! I thought the snow globe post was mine! I get them for my girls every year & give them to them on xmas eve...its our tradition! One broke one in our move & I did post a "wanted" for a replacement!! But my girls (twins) were born 2008---not 2013. Fyi...never got a replacement :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh gosh lol. Don't panic! Now see, if you had them from 2008 forward and lost one, that's no biggie. Lose 1/3rd of your collection right off the bat... I'm going to love you, and laugh a little bit ;)

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