Friday, February 9, 2018

Six Years Later, Perjury Caught Up With Him (Part Three)


I was driving home when Mr. Attorney Man called to say that he thought it had gone well. I agreed, and then caught him off guard by saying that I wanted to concede to my ex’s motion, and moving forward have a cap placed on what he would owe me.

Repeatedly explaining that there was no legal basis for that, and that it would mean I would end up paying a majority of the bills in the end, I stood firm that it was what I wanted.

I do want justice, but I also need to move on.

“Please ask the judge to cap it, and in turn raise his monthly payments for support and arrears. I’d rather he be obligated to pay a higher amount each month, if it means that I don’t have to talk to him ever again. I know that means I will end up paying more towards medical bills than he will, but I can’t keep doing this. I want to move on.”

I need to.

I got home that night to a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of alcohol removed champagne, and a husband waiting to either comfort me, or celebrate, and had to explain that the case wasn't yet over. 

I tossed and turned all night, and the next morning when closing arguments began, Mr. Attorney Man expressed to the court how weary the process has made me, and that although I was there for justice, I was desperate to move on. He pointed out that it was clear my ex’s testimony was not credible and asked that the courts make things right for me and my children.

Then, my ex’s attorney said “your honor, we have a lot of deadbeat dads that come through this courtroom, and it’s obvious that Mr. Ex is not one of them.”

I gasped loud enough that Mr. Attorney Man turned to me and gave me the look I give my children when I am not in a position to utter actual words, but I need them to shut up.

I lowered my eyes to the floor, clenched my teeth tight, and listened as the judge began to speak.

“It’s very clear to me that Ms. Strong has shouldered the lion’s share of the burden in providing for her and Mr. Ex’s children, and it’s pretty clear that no matter what ruling I make today, she will continue to do so. This is a difficult case, because it’s like trying to get blood out of a stone.”

She paused for a second, and then said that she was finding my ex in contempt of court. She said it was proven that my ex was not willing to participate in taking care of his children, and although she did not feel that it was fair to me, she would agree to place a cap on what he would owe. But, referencing a little known statute that Mr. Attorney Man had brought to her attention — one that allows the courts to deviate from the standard child support laws when there is a child with a severe medical condition involved — she was ordering him to pay what amounts to nearly 75% of his check each month in support and arrears.

She then apologized to me and said that she wished she could do more.

If the ceiling could have opened up right then and there, I’m pretty sure that I would have seen God smiling down on me, and heard angels singing.

Finally. Finally. Finally. Finally.

My words were heard. She saw who he truly was, and she condemned him for it.

It doesn’t repay what he has done to my children, but I've come to accept that much of that is not to be handled in this life. This is as close to true justice as I will see on this earth, and it is enough for me.

The order was then made non-modifiable, meaning that if he chooses to quit his job, or hides his income to claim he is poor, he still owes the money.

If he doesn't pay, he goes to jail, and this judge, well she doesn't mess around.

My ex hadn’t appeared that morning, so I didn’t get the satisfaction of seeing his face, but quite a few different thoughts have rolled around in my head over the last few days.

He will never learn. There isn’t a cell in my body that believes that this will be the moment he understands what he has done. I truly, truly, do not think that he is capable of it. His victim mentality and fundamental character flaw, keeps him from facing the truth about himself, and if all these years have taught him nothing, then nothing ever will.

So oddly enough, my thoughts have turned to his wife.

She just quit her job. They have three children, and he will be working almost entirely to support a family that he no longer lives with. She is going to have to go back to work, and in doing so, know that she is working every day, because her husband is working for another woman.

Me.

The irony of that is not lost on me. I missed out on a great deal of my children’s lives, while I was pulling together a life left in shambles, because he was spending his time, building a life with her.

There seems to be a revolving of roles that cycles on between her and I, none of it that I asked to be a part of, but one that we both seem to be stuck in.

Throughout the course of the hearing, my ex referenced his wife cashing out her assets to pay off his debts, and borrowing money from her parents to pay off even more.

When he left me, he owed my brother and father over 20k, and I had cashed out multiple accounts, and maxed out several credit cards, paying for debt that was exclusively his.

She is right where I was now; trapped in the spiral of financial ruin that swirls around the choices he makes, and she’s probably buried so deep that she doesn’t know how to get out.

And the crazy thing is, that all these years I’ve wondered why he can be for her and their kids, what he couldn’t be for me and mine. But what hadn’t occurred to me, is that he isn’t.

He never was.

I had access to his email account long after he left me, and I know for a fact that his craigslist hook-ups didn’t end when he started a life with her. Why I never put two and two together I’m not sure, but he was cheating on her from the very beginning.

Just like he did to me.

He hasn’t changed. He is the same as he always was, just living in a different house, doing the same things to different people.

As I was sitting there on the stand, I caught myself looking at him and I flashed back to everything he dragged me through. I actually lost my place speaking, because while looking into his eyes, I was struck by the thought of his wife doing that now, and wondering what she got herself into. I’m sure, like I did many years ago, she’s desperately trying to hold together a man who is falling apart, taking her down with him, as she lays awake at night praying that things will get better.

But they won’t, because he won’t.

Her life just shattered. She’s going to have some very tough choices to make, and I don’t envy her a bit.

I’ve been there, and it sucks.

He’s a lying liar who lies, and he’s very good at what he does, until he gets backed into a place where he can’t keep up the charade any longer.

If history serves to predict the future, she will soon be the third woman left in the wake of his destruction, as he realizes that he has drained everyone in his life dry, and can’t get out of this, and disappears again.

And if he doesn’t, well, that’s honestly not any better, because her children will have the unfortunate experience of being raised by a man, who isn’t fit to be one.

Maybe she will surprise me, and leave him first (which would suck for him since he can't even afford an apartment at this point), but either way, it’s no concern of mine. 

I’ve never been vindictive. It’s why I’ve never driven the three minutes down the street to visit my ex’s wife at work, posted their photos, or slipped their names to an Internet of people who would love to see justice for me. It’s why I didn’t even dig into their lives enough to realize that they had a third child before it surprised me in court!

Outside of court, they don’t concern me, and now in court, it is finished.

Me, The Guy, and OUR children, are moving on.

We are happy.

I pulled my children through the flames and set us on our feet.

I was broken, hurt, and damaged, but in it I found strength, and through that, I found myself, and the family I have now.

It was a long road to get here, and now we rest.

Settling down with a few treats that my ex unwillingly bought us, The Guy and I clink our glasses and share between us a little smirk, and a loving wink.



We rest and look forward.

It is finished.


**********************

Vengeance is mine, I will repay.

The Lord will judge his people.

Hebrews 10:30



* A big thanks to Mr. Attorney Man. I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you for standing by my side all these years. You are the change in the world.*


63 comments:

  1. Wow! You are a better person than I could ever be. I was hoping for some jail time. I hope this allows you to sit back and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy , or as much as anyone can enjoy a bowling ball leaning on their bladder, and focus on all the good things in your life. Just don't lose all of your anger. It has helped you become a powerful advocate.

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    1. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also hoping for some jail time, but give him time. I'm sure he will land there eventually.

      And yes, THE BOWLING BALL lol !

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  2. WOOOOOOOO!!!! So happy for you and your children!

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  3. I can't even begin to say how thrilled I am that you have finally gotten a judge that HEARD you and did something about it. I'm so glad you can finally move on! Love to you and YOUR family <3

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    1. It's amazing what being heard can mean to someone. In this case, it meant everything :)

      Onward and upwards from here!

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  4. Eden, you've no idea how much I looked forward to reading this. I love the person you have become for your children and your own happiness. I've followed your blog for a few years now. I too was in a terrible marriage, not similar to yours, but it was bad. And I too wondered what his new wife thought. It's hard, it sucks. And I'm very happy for you and your family. The justice system is bad Everywhere. I live in Austin, Texas. In a very liberal county, not that, that is a bad thing. But in the side of the justice system, sometimes it is. Anyway, Again, I'm happy for you and your fight, your strength, and the Justice you got!

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    1. Thank you Barbara, that really means a lot to me. I'm very happy that you too are out of your bad marriage. I pray all the blessings on you as well :) Thank you for sticking with me through this journey!

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  5. I'm excited to see how this unfolds. The ruling is amazing and I feel for the wife and children, but he can not be allowed to create lives and not take care of them. Here's to hoping he doesn't just skip town!

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    1. Mr. Attorney Man has predicted that is what will happen next... we shall see!!!

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  6. I got part 2 of this yesterday while I was waiting myself to enter the court room and go up against my manipulative addict ex in regards to our child. You have no idea how much it helped me to be confident in there and give it everything i got. It was exactly what I needed to read before walking in there. And things went extremely well and in the best interest of my child. Now today reading part 3 and seeing how well you put it allows me to really see that baby mom #2 is also experiencing the shit show that I once had to. I am so grateful to be free of that and I know if anyone understands its you. Congrats on this victory for you and your family. Karma is so real and I'm so glad that yours and his is finally catching up to hand you what you so deserve as well as him! <3

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    1. Aw, I love that, and I am SOOOOOO happy that your court case went well also! Cheers to you my dear! You won, and baby mom #2 got stuck with your ex.

      Win win!

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  7. This has been a LOOOOONG time in coming, but it's finally here. Welcome to your new life! I am beyond happy for you, Eden! You have gone through so much since this all began and it's been inspiring to see you survive through it all. I wish all of life's blessings upon you, The Guy, and your wonderful children!

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    1. Yes!! You have been here since the beginning, and I'm so happy that you got to be "a part of this" also. Thank you for sticking with me!!!

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  8. Hip! Hip! Hooray! Finally justice is being served and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Ok, I'm so happy for you that this happened. That the judge actually listened and then applied logical justice.

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  9. I am glad the system finally got it right. He wasn't even man enough to show up. My heart goes out to all the hurt people this fool has left in his path of destruction, especially the innocent children.

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  10. o. m. g!! i am so sorry it took this long for you to get a judge who actually listened and cared enough to order him to do the right thing, what he should have been doing all along! but i am so happy and relieved for you that it is finally over. it has been set and you can move forward. i am inspired by your strength as i start my last legal piece in my journey. i wish you nothing but the best, as you deserve it all, as you and your beautiful family move forward! ❤️

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  11. Your strength is a gift that I'm so glad you can share with the world, and with your children and hubby. Congrats on getting through the storm and coming out to sunshine. Well deserved!!!! Happy new life!!!!

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    1. You are much too kind :) I'm a momma, I have no choice but to be strong. Thankfully, now I can rest for a while :)

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  12. I’m thrilled for you. I’m still in the midst myself. On my way to the Supreme Court of my state. I’m glad to hear you finally got justice. You give me hope.

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  13. That's amazing news!! I'm glad the judge saw right through him!! I hope this doesn't mean he chooses to spend his time in jail instead.

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  14. Eden, you are one strong woman and mother with core values which are absolutely amazing in the face of all you have been through. Your children are so very fortunate they were born (and will be born) to you! I am doing a happy dance for you today! You, The Guy and your 3 beautiful children deserve nothing but happiness and a wonderful life together. Your journey has been long and arduous. You hung in there and fought. I am glad I am a 'friend' and not an enemy! lol Enjoy this weekend and every day going forward. Now you can breathe. I could not be more happy for you! Sending you hugs and love in celebration from the East Coast

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    1. You are making me cry again!!!! You always do that lol ! Thank you for your faith in me, and your continued faith in me. There were times when I didn't believe in myself, but you always did :)

      That means a lot.

      *hugs*

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  15. Holly Pop Tarts!!! Whooo-Hoooo. FINALLY!!! I'd love to hug that judge and I'd love to be a fly on the wall to see his face when he realized what the ruling means to him. Finally it's over. Finally you can relax. Finally you got justice. Finally he is held accountable for his actions. You are a strong woman and I'm so proud of you for staying the course. Celebrate with Mr. husband and those precious kiddos. I'm so happy for you all!!

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  16. Congratulations!!! I’m so happy for you and your family!!! I was hoping for jail time too but I’ll take it!

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  17. This was worth waiting 3 days and posts for. So glad for you and your family! I also want to recognize your immense heart in acknowledging that it’s not just you and your children who’ve suffered, but that his new wife and kids are also suffering from this man’s terrible choices. May they also find a resolution and peace. Blessings and grace to you and yours.

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  18. So happy for you!!! You are an amazing mom who sacrificed so much of yourself for your kids because you knew it was the right thing to do. Good always wins mama.... enjoy it!!!

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  19. I am so relieved that she saw through everything! I'm glad she's finally recognized your burdens and finally brought him to justice in this life! I'm thankful that you and your family can finally move on. I'm sure it won't be the end of it (jail will probably call for him shortly) but it's nice that you can wash your hands clean of it and leave it to the courts now. At least, I hope you can leave them to be the middle man, finally. :)

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  20. Crying tears of joy! I’m so unbelievably happy that in the end he was seen for the lying, manipulative, scum that he is! I’m sorry it took so long, but I believe everything happens in life exactly the way it’s supposed to create a different person on the other end of the experience and it is up to that person who that will be, and to cherish what lies ahead. You have taken all of this crap and turned it into the beauty that is your life today. ❤️❤️❤️

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  21. Way to persevere. A long, tough road but you made it. Finally a judge who saw the real him and is holding him accountable. God Bless you and your kids. ❤️

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  22. So happy for you! Have to admit I was really hoping for jail time for him though!

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  23. Have a fantastic weekend! You've more than earned some peace.

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  24. So very happy to hear this was the outcome and that finally someone saw through his act and listened. It saddens me that it took this long.

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  25. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

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  26. Thank you for sharing you story. I am hoping my ex gets the same treatment. It sucks when you have children with a sociopath.

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  27. Me, screaming with relief

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  28. He will likely end up in jail because he won't pay. But he's being held accountable!

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  29. He's totally going to jail soon

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  30. I'm so happy you have a Mr.Attorney Man. If he's reading, good job dear sir! Thank you for helping the Eden so many us of have come to adore.

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    1. I am very blessed :) And I agree, he deserves the thanks!

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  31. Oh I just cried at work... this was great to read. I am beyond thrilled. God is good.

    I can’t wait to read about all the wonderful things the kids will accomplish in the future.

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  32. Of course he didn’t show up. Jerk.

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  33. I am sooooooooooo glad for you and your kids! I was crying tears of joy and sadness...for the long road that you and your kids have had to face, for how selfless you are that you sat there thinking of his wife and what she is going through. I am glad that you were heard and that the new judge could see through is lies and manipulations. It must be bittersweet for you but I am glad you can finally have some closure. You are right, he hasn't learned or changed and that's the real shame of this all. You continue to be such a pillar of strength and I am so very proud of you, your courage, your tenacity to not give up and keep fighting for your kids. Sending lots of love and hugs to you!

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  34. I am so happy that it finally worked in your favor! Sometimes female judges are the best to get! Also, I skipped to the very bottom to make sure this wasn't another cliffhanger 😁

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  35. I love this update so much! Eden, your grace, love, and compassion through this whole ordeal is commendable. You are a wonderful person and have come out of this trial all the better. You are a wonderful support to women in similar situations. I'm so glad you have a great support system, husband, and your kids are thriving because you do not seek revenge. And, you can see clearly with discernment on what type of man your ex is and what his current wife and family are going through.

    I just finished reading Romans again and was reminded of these verses when I read your post:
    Romans 12:
    19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

    20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

    21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

    It seems counter productive but I would hope you can get to a point that you can pray for your ex and his family. Through Christ ALL things are possible and there's still time for him to turn to Christ for deliverance and to be changed if he desires.

    Regardless, YOU are strong and blessings have and will continue to come upon you.

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    1. Thank you for sharing that verse with me, it really is spot on! I have, and will continue to pray for my ex and his wife. In fact shortly after he left, when everyone I knew was mad at him, I remember posting on my Facebook page that what he needs is prayers, and that if I could pray for him, surely others can too.

      I'm out for justice, but not for blood. It can be both :)

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  36. Frisbee Boy&#39;s MomFebruary 9, 2018 at 2:36 PM

    Although I heard all three parts in person, reading this in stages gave me time to really let it all sink in. You have come so far, and done so much for your children... You just amaze me! Obviously I'm very pleased with the outcome, and now I wish and pray for only the best for you, The Guy, Boy Child, Girl child and new baby.
    Great job Mr. Attorney Man... Champagne on me! Yay "pink sparkly cloud ����

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    1. Thank you for breakfast and the time to chat :) I am so lucky to have you in my life!!!!

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  37. Haahaa, awesome! I can't wait to let my husband know part three is up, he can't wait to see this deadbeat get nailed either.

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  38. My favorite thing here is that the child support he pays is not tax deductible. He still has to pay federal income tax on what pays you. Most if not all of the remaining piece of his paycheck may end up going to income tax. 😆

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  39. Awesome and congratulations!

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  40. Finally. A judge that saw through his lies. He can no longer run away from his responsibilities simply because he wants to, it’s not convenient for him, because he can. I would have given him house arrest with work privileges only for neglect!

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  41. Finally! I’m glad!

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  42. So happy for you! Does this mean that money will be deducted from his paycheck automatically? Because wasn't he supposed to pay you before? If he doesn't pay, does he go to jail-i hope?!

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  43. Finally there at last ! It's sad to see how so many lives can be affected only by one person in the end.... Glad that this is finally over for you....may your life be blessed !

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  44. At long last! Such a relief.

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  45. I just found your page thanks to Mata Hari! But This--This right here is awesome! And what a great judge you have! I'd love to kiss her!! Did you get a new Judge I read?? Mine screwed me, and what not....for him!! It's all his... I love to hear something like this!!

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  46. I love hearing about Karma served

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  47. So happy for you, I'm crying. No one can understand the pain of abandoned children- except the parent left behind with them trying to pick up the pieces. You give us hope that we can pull them through the flames as undamaged as possible.

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    1. Aw, there is always hope :) Sometimes it just takes a REALLY LONG TIME to pan out!

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  48. I am so incredible happy for you.
    As a child from a man who was not interested in me or my brother, i celebrate this with you and i think you are an amazing woman. You remind me of my mother!

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