tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post3354095736969005853..comments2023-05-31T10:46:19.766-05:00Comments on It Is Not My Shame to Bear: I Didn't Win The Battle....NotMyShametoBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-57070711254226905832014-05-13T15:31:17.738-05:002014-05-13T15:31:17.738-05:00Eden,
I found your blog today and have been moved...Eden,<br /><br />I found your blog today and have been moved by every entry that I have read. You are a wonderful person with an incomparable amount of strength. I am an artist who draws made-to-order designs on sneakers. I donate $5 from every order to the Walk a Mile in Her Shoes organization. I would absolutely love for you to take a look at my work. I also would love to hear more about your not for profit :)<br /><br />I have a website in the works, but for right now my custom shoes, otherwise known as "Qustom Quinns," can be seen on Instagram @QustomQuinns<br />You can also contact me at Drawingsbyquinn@gmail.comAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14400524688694061104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-16356925246614396772014-05-09T23:38:51.236-05:002014-05-09T23:38:51.236-05:00"Then I look at the not-for-profit. It’s a pr..."Then I look at the not-for-profit. It’s a project that I believe so deeply in, just thinking about the women that I will be able to help heals my wounds."<br /><br />NO, STOP. Before you start your own non-profit, PLEASE gather experience at an established non-profit. Non-profits are NOT meant to heal your own scars. If you're using your involvement at a charity for that, you need to re-assess your involvement. SERIOUSLY. this is not meant to shame you or whatever. If you're devoted to a DV/SA resource center to heal your own wounds, that's very unhealthy and every professional would recommend against it. I'm NOT trying to shame or discourage you. You can help other women, but you have to help yourself, first.jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05451461962098936354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-22180560681636245462014-04-27T17:49:18.566-05:002014-04-27T17:49:18.566-05:00Eden, I feel you are winning the battle :) Hang i...Eden, I feel you are winning the battle :) Hang in there my Love!<br />Nathalie<br />xoxoxoxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-83924673991557188592014-04-10T07:00:32.450-05:002014-04-10T07:00:32.450-05:00Wry are you not reading? She was losing the house ...Wry are you not reading? She was losing the house anyways. She left cleaning to try and make a better future and teach strip. The difference is $200 and she had a better shot at a future. Seems like a risk worth takingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-10868033718516032582014-04-10T00:21:04.056-05:002014-04-10T00:21:04.056-05:00Eta:volunteer at any point in life., but help by q...Eta:volunteer at any point in life., but help by quitting your job and possibly losing your home is counterproductive. Wryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04294595387991269866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-40679015474993287572014-04-10T00:18:30.362-05:002014-04-10T00:18:30.362-05:00I apologize for being rude to Eden. I shared my t...I apologize for being rude to Eden. I shared my thoughts. Transition and shelters were both mentioned. I think people should help others after they are in a stable position. I volunteer about 30 hours weekly, and I have for 25+ years in several organizations, some 501c3, some not.<br />Without knowing the nonprofit, it's mission, or it's structure, I can only comment on what information has been given. Eden has a dream, she has energy, imagination, and drive. She also has money issues. I stand by what I said about donating to a struggling founder/leader<br />I've read this blog from the beginning, but I rarely comment. I wish you well, but think you may have a better result with a large donation to get you stable before you start.Wryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04294595387991269866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-43806720435852740862014-04-08T21:44:05.725-05:002014-04-08T21:44:05.725-05:00Im sorry to hear that about your mother. How is sh...Im sorry to hear that about your mother. How is she doing now? That scares me, no offense to your mother or references to her as person, but I don't want to be like her and that's exactly where I am heading :(<br /><br />I need to get ahead now, for my kids, for myself, and for our future. It wont be fun, but it has to get done!<br /><br />Well Im glad you came out of the shadows :) Nice to have you JoelNotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-85026117969288337532014-04-08T21:07:34.261-05:002014-04-08T21:07:34.261-05:00Haha, too funny LotusHaha, too funny LotusNotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-40477399141981016092014-04-08T21:06:53.421-05:002014-04-08T21:06:53.421-05:00Haha, I started getting so buried alive in comment...Haha, I started getting so buried alive in comments I just stopped responding! Thank you to everyone who said nice things!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-79132192720054417962014-04-08T12:09:05.669-05:002014-04-08T12:09:05.669-05:00(edit) "...eligibility for Medicare..."(edit) "...eligibility for Medicare..."Joelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06173489343314752879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-33852213536096713052014-04-08T12:08:25.904-05:002014-04-08T12:08:25.904-05:00My mother was a newspaper carrier for 20+ years. W...My mother was a newspaper carrier for 20+ years. When she "retired" she had nothing to show for it. No savings, barely a place to live, and she hadn't had health insurance her whole life (eligibility medicate was a blessing.) She didn't plan at all for the future and so relied on the universe to get her by. I hate to see anyone just getting by.<br /><br />And yes, your memory serves you. This is my first (well, second) comment. I've been reading for a while, and I've read from the beginning. Joelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06173489343314752879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-82585151325977345332014-04-08T09:03:03.844-05:002014-04-08T09:03:03.844-05:00Wow, Eden, I went back and read these posts today ...Wow, Eden, I went back and read these posts today after reading your current posts...isn't there a way you can block posters if they are anonymous? I think if they are afraid/ashamed to own who they are then you/we don't really care what they have to say!<br />Mary Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08814636676077833766noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-46004047103845469362014-04-07T19:14:54.719-05:002014-04-07T19:14:54.719-05:00I would support the nonprofit of an abuse and assa...I would support the nonprofit of an abuse and assault survivor who was trying to use her experiences to help others even if she lived in an old, worn out sandal. :)<br /><br />P.S. If you're concerned for Eden's monetary well-being while she starts up this nonprofit, there's a little PayPal "Donate" button up there that you could use to help her :)Lotushttp://likethelotus.tumblr.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-72086768765685223232014-04-07T13:11:23.931-05:002014-04-07T13:11:23.931-05:00Note to the skeptical cynic who thinks all Anonymo...Note to the skeptical cynic who thinks all Anonymous are the same one... THIS Anonymous is CERTAINLY not ME (is it you?) and, from the style of expression I would say not the oxygen mask or magic job Anonymous either. Hopefully you will note that, and observe that this Anonymous makes fairly direct personal judgment comments and uses some salty adjectives and really does not sound at all like the rest of us. (Doesn't mean they're right or wrong, just saying that they are definitely not any of US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, they might be YOU, I guess.... ??)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-68963002606745593202014-04-07T06:29:02.948-05:002014-04-07T06:29:02.948-05:00Wow you're pretty stupid. Yes, the are the sam...Wow you're pretty stupid. Yes, the are the same thing, but what the fuck does Eden's living situation have to do with running her nonprofit? Would you rather support a charity where the director lives in a mansion and all your donations are supporting him? I can't believe you would be rude enough to say that to someone trying to get their life together. Do you even read this blog? The fact that her life has worked for this long is a testimony to her "organizational" skills. Choosing to move out of her home for a better financial future does not mean she can't handle finances, it means she knows the best uses of her money. You are so incredibly stupid you should probably just shut your mouth now. Not to mention a shelter is not the same as transitional housing, which clearly you don't understand eitherAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-69011760244845466532014-04-07T06:27:52.863-05:002014-04-07T06:27:52.863-05:00Wow you're pretty stupid. Yes, the are the sam...Wow you're pretty stupid. Yes, the are the same thing, but what the fuck does Eden's living situation have to do with running her nonprofit? Would you rather support a charity where the director lives in a mansion and all your donations are supporting him? I can't believe you would be rude enough to say that to someone trying to get their life together. Do you even read this blog? The fact that her life has worked for this long is a testimony to her "organizational" skills. Choosing to move out of her home for a better financial future does not mean she can't handle finances, it means she knows the best uses of her money. You are so incredibly stupid you should probably just shut your mouth now. Not to mention a shelter is not the same as transitional housing, which clearly you don't understand eitherAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-46883348983343090112014-04-07T02:57:11.507-05:002014-04-07T02:57:11.507-05:00And there you go... I see that my 12:47 a.m. was c...And there you go... I see that my 12:47 a.m. was called "2:47 a.m." by the blog, for my post. (So just FYI that the times are entirely fictional on this thing. The various postings by we separate Anonymous folks may be far greater than 50 minutes apart, in reality, depending on which time zone we are in. One person's 11 a.m. could be another person's 8 a.m., or 2 p.m.!) So, add that to your calculations!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-70615581111364942522014-04-07T02:47:59.224-05:002014-04-07T02:47:59.224-05:00Well, I'm the one who got offended that you im...Well, I'm the one who got offended that you implied I was the other one, and you have to remember that the times shown on the posts are not always based on everyone's actual reality (i.e., it's after midnight here, for instance, but it might say I posted at 3 am or at 9 pm or whatever the receiving computer thinks the time is there, not at my end.) Actually, if you consider that busy people usually only sit down at their computer at certain times, and those times are probably in the early morning or late night (and there may be a 3 hour time difference between their time and yours, so their 7 might be your 10) or even at lunchtime, it's not totally inconceivable that it will be more often clustered at similar times of day. Especially if we all happen to be in America, which from our comments it sounds like we all are. We don't spell our words with extra "U"s like the Brits or use grammatically awkward sentence contruction as if translating from another language.) And if you will notice, I also replied to the other Anonymous who made those less than tactful remarks, and why bother to do that if we're both the same person? (I suppose I could be wasting my time playing some bizarre game, but I'm not. Unlike you, of course, who seems to enjoy causing controversy with no constructive goal, by being argumentative, suspicious, and patronizing to no purpose.) No, actually I changed my mind, yes, you got me! I am YOU! Yes! I am arguing with myself, since obviously ALL the Anonymouses are the very same individual so we are all one and thus I must be you since you are anonymous too so now I'm questioning my very existence. Or, no, wait... I'm a multiple personality! That's it! So, tell me, which one of the personalities are you? (And yes, I am making fun of you here, just in case you find it hard to believe that I'm not really you... since you claim to find it so hard to believe there is more than one Anonymous... hope it isn't a huge blow to find out that you really are NOT me. I don't think anyway....??) Seriously, _I_ know for a FACT that there's at least three of us, since I'm definitely not the oxygen mask one nor am I the controversial magic job one. But yes, I am you, the one who thinks we're all the same person and we post at the same time. But no, wait, you (or is it me?) posted your cynical skepticism at 2:46 pm on the 6th and this comment isn't until the next day (gasp!), or,10 hours later anyway, by MY time... so, gosh, who am I? I guess I must just be ANONYMOUS! :P !!!!! O.k., sarcasm and annoyance aside (hard as it is to do, as really, your suspiciousness is enormously irritating both for its naivety and its almost smarmy tone) I am absolutely NOT the same Anonymous as you are, nor am I the same one as two others which I have at times responded to or commented on (and frankly, if you really can't tell the difference in style, vocabulary, tone, punctuation, spacing, and overall "voice" between the different ones, then you should probably start paying more attention to those details instead of placing too much significance on coincidental timing. Which as I pointed out isn't quite as "coincidental" if you consider the situation of access to computers based on real life schedules.) But you know what, come to think of it, who cares what you think? If it makes you happy to think we're all the same person, then whatever. (Just know that there are people out there laughing at you, and/or sneering, because we all know for a fact that you are absolutely wrong.) :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-7429950605306121722014-04-07T00:00:27.183-05:002014-04-07T00:00:27.183-05:00I have a language question. You call your proje...I have a language question. You call your project "not for profit," I've typically used "nonprofit.". Is there a difference? <br />I wouldn't support a nonprofit whose founder/chairman/president was living in a shelter. I'd think the person has poor organizational skills, and wouldn't be trustworthy tohandle finances. Wryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04294595387991269866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-82821617470877917432014-04-06T14:46:33.039-05:002014-04-06T14:46:33.039-05:00Im the anonymous that said all of the other anonym...Im the anonymous that said all of the other anonymous people were the same person. I find it hard to believe that you really are different people based on the fact that you "all" replied this morning at 10:35, 10:46, and 11:16 am. So all of you just happened to check the blog within the same hour, possibly from different countries but at least most likely different parts of the country, but all within 50 minutes of each other? Considering that none of you are registered, that would mean you aren't getting email notifications that someone has replied, so you "all" just "happened" to check the blog comments at the same time?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-58059473145043523412014-04-06T11:16:28.738-05:002014-04-06T11:16:28.738-05:00I am a fellow Anonymous who just replied to that o...I am a fellow Anonymous who just replied to that other one who claimed we are all one (and vouched that we are NOT!) I think what you were saying in this last paragraph of your post is something like, "no, we are not the same one, we are indeed actually all different, can you believe it? It's just that we all share certain opinions based on experience. (etc., etc.)" It didn't quite come out like that at first read, but I know what you meant. I do think it's hard in print to always adequately convey a TONE, and yours -in your previous post- might've sounded a bit harsh if read without context. Going back to it and understanding your intent better might help Eden if she re-reads your post (me, I can actually hear a bit of exasperation in it, myself, which I can relate to just a bit, we're in the position of "been there done that" and we managed to get ourselves on our feet, and know it can be done, if people stop saying "but" and start saying "o.k.".) The thing is, we're the successes in that (of sorts), but there are failures in that effort too, and we need to remember that sometimes the doors ARE just closed. We kicked them open, but that doesn't always work. Not every time and not for everyone. (Although granted it helps to try the knob first and not tackle the hinges first.) ;-) Now me, I think Eden needs to make a really BIG change. (!) If I were in her shoes I would look into moving out of the state, candidly, a totally fresh start and the opportunity to get well away from every aspect of the abuse she has fended off. (After all, the ex won't have the gumption to follow, right?) There are some states (such as Hawaii, surprisingly enough) that are quite generous about helping newcomers. But she has chosen to stay put and fight, for a variety of reasons, and now she just needs to find the best solution within the fairly trap-like (sorry) situation she has. (And her "best" solution choice doesn't currently appear to be such, to outsiders. Might not even be at all, but at least she is trying.) I think her idea about renting her house out (in order to keep it) is probably her best choice, and being in transitional housing (which probably has more security than she currently has) may be her best answer. I do agree with you that the wisdom gleaned from many of us having been where she is now, and our perspective gained from solving similar struggles, is something she could profit by, if she listened without being on the defensive, but when has any younger generation really listened to the older ones? (Every group reinvents the wheel, unfortunately.) I wish her luck as she experiences the same pitfalls and does the same things we did, when WE didn't listen... until WE learned the hard way. :P (And while I do totally agree with the truth within your comments, all of them, some of the phrasing like magic job and professional begging, though also true, are a bit loaded, and despite their very concise shorthand summation of such thinking as was being described, can unfortunately upset folks who are already programmed to be defensive, and prevent them from recognizing the sage advice being passed on within the whole.) Let's hope Eden recognizes the sincere supportive intent, as well as being put off by some of our various comments (with which she takes exception.) In the end, we all do want her to succeed, and that's the important part. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-70665176382194426722014-04-06T10:53:02.471-05:002014-04-06T10:53:02.471-05:00Wowzers, this comment thread is getting a little.....Wowzers, this comment thread is getting a little...I don't know lol. Its a lot to take in. I'm going to leave it with this;<br /><br />I truly appreciate the time that it takes you guys to write to me and I love that you care enough to offer your insights and your suggestions :)<br /><br />I may not always do what everyone thinks is best of me, but I'm in no way disregarding what you are saying and I appreciate that you took the time to write it.<br /><br />Love and hugs everyone!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-42068488955432558032014-04-06T10:46:47.060-05:002014-04-06T10:46:47.060-05:00Oh no it is NOT!! I'M one of the Anonymous po...Oh no it is NOT!! I'M one of the Anonymous posters and I can vouch that there are at LEAST two of us (as I know who I am NOT, who has also commented,) and probably more like three or four of us! (At least.) I even mentioned that I agreed with -one of- the other Anonymous (the oxygen mask one), at one point! And, I am CERTAINLY not the most recent one who commented on "magic jobs" and "professional begging" (And the oxygen mask one was quite supportive about non-profits so I doubt they're this recent one either!) AND, I know I am not YOU, when _I_ am being Anonymous! (So if you aren't the one that talks about oxygen masks or "professional begging" then YOU now make -at least- FOUR of us! Unless you are the same one as the "begging" remark one, in which case you are lying too, because you KNOW you didn't write MY posts!) !!!! I think if Eden does enough checking around she can find some help, and I do NOT think that getting some when you need it is professional begging nor do I think trying to get out of some dead-end profession is wishing for a magic job. We would all like to find something that pays well enough to support ourselves, and depending on what part of the country we live in and what our personal skills and background (and education) are, what opportunities are available around us can vary widely! And her comments about restraining orders and such do a lot to explain why some of her demurring comments in response to suggestions sound excuse-like. So, Anonymous "hun", don't speak for the rest of us! (And btw, it's "to" and not "too", _I_ don't make that mistake in MY Anonymous posts!)<br /><br />"NOT the 'same person' Anonymous"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-67088853269524406822014-04-06T10:35:07.943-05:002014-04-06T10:35:07.943-05:00I read these as people with age and experience wan...I read these as people with age and experience wanting to help, and sharing what they know to be common pitfalls, and wanting to help you keep your situation on the positive incline of progress. No one is here to piss in your cornflakes, no one doubts your commitment, no one is here to discourage you. They wouldn't comment otherwise. What kind of jerk beats up on people in a tough spot for no reason? It's just input.<br /><br />With age and experience come life lessons, and many of us have been in a very similar boat, tried similar things, had both good and bad results. I didn't suggest anything to you that I didn't wind up doing myself over the years. I did exactly the very things I suggested to you, and things really did turn around dramatically. Over time. I, too, started with maid service, waitressing in terrible places, an abandoned degree, ongoing health issues, big bills, no family support, no car, inescapable drama, endless problems with the ex. It got better. Much better. But it started out with a lot of grumbling, resentment, bitterness. Who wants to have to do things they feel will make life possibly worse? No one. I was skeptical and angry, but I did it and I'm glad I took the advice I was offered.<br /><br />It has nothing to do with "passion" or dedication, or jealousy, or good intentions. You said it yourself- why are you being given so little when you work harder than everyone you know? This comes BECAUSE we've got passion, dedication, achievement, goals, and we got there, we recognize it in you, and we've got information to share. <br /><br />Sometimes it isn't about you. It's external circumstances beyond our control. <br />A big smile and pure intentions won't stop the donations from going from 10K one month to zero the next. Zero. NFP is a tough row to hoe. Donors pledge & don't follow through, their own funding gets cut, board members move... I'm just trying to say as much as you have faith in your project (and let's face it, no one works for NFP's unless they have unshakeable devotion to the cause), it depends on others and it is unstable. They grow best when they grow slowly. That is fact.<br /><br />Note I neither said nor implied it is "impossible", "not worth doing", "too difficult", "doomed to fail", "beyond reality", or anything else judgmental. I am stating facts gleaned from years of direct experience and observing others in the field. That's all. You're free to use that info as you see fit.<br /><br />And no, "anonymous", can you believe those prior "anonymouses" are actually different individuals, save for my reply? Unless you want to ask the page owner for ISP's, Is it not conceivable that others might share my viewpoint? That others may have literally "been there, done that" and want to offer concrete info?<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-30298463941163632122014-04-05T23:51:33.328-05:002014-04-05T23:51:33.328-05:00Don't let anyone get you down. People will alw...Don't let anyone get you down. People will always tell you that you can't do something. People will be jealous that they didn't follow their dreams or they will doubt your dedication because they don't have the same passion. You are a smart girl who has shown a lot of perseverance in the face of adversity. If anyone can do this, it's you. Challenging yes, but not impossible. no one knows your situation but you, and no one has proved more love for her children than you. whatever you choose, just know that there will be a lot of bloggers praying for your success.christinanoreply@blogger.com