tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post3398076428546295982..comments2023-05-31T10:46:19.766-05:00Comments on It Is Not My Shame to Bear: Part Three Of The Threatening Female Friend (And All The Hateful Stuff She Said About Me To The Guy I'm Dating) NotMyShametoBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-79651536608530979802017-09-14T22:13:54.876-05:002017-09-14T22:13:54.876-05:00Im so sorry that you've had to go through that...Im so sorry that you've had to go through that, it's definitely not easy! I am so proud of you though for realizing that you deserve better, because you do!!! You deserve a man that doesn't need to bring all his ex's along with him, because now he has you!!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-74124068871105196292017-09-06T13:12:30.937-05:002017-09-06T13:12:30.937-05:00It's over a year since I originally read the t...It's over a year since I originally read the trilogy. Thank you for writing! At the time I read this I had been in a relationship with someone who was friends with every single ex girlfriend except the last one (7 or 8 women). I was trying to figure out how to be ok with all the ex's and female friends. I wasn't. I wanted to be mature and secure (I wasn't and then I was). Rereading your trilogy, reminded me I was enough. After creating kids with 2 dudes, and now breaking up with this dude (he lives with his mom). I'm tired! I go back and forth in my mind to how pathetic I am in wanting to go back to him. I go to therapy and it helps. Thank for writing this blog. Thank you for your sense of humor. ~Rosahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13662559037144604552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-1365852175095462992016-06-29T21:58:14.867-05:002016-06-29T21:58:14.867-05:00I think you hit the nail on the head with the &quo...I think you hit the nail on the head with the "she is really unhappy and way too dependent on him for emotional support." She was using him as her emotional validation in place of her husband, which is a relationship that seems to make her very unhappy. It's not a good situation to be in and I do feel for her, but at the end of the day I can't let my sympathy for her overtake my own relationship. :/<br /><br />And that makes a ton of sense which is impressive after a two 14 hour days!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-27105979622008019662016-06-29T18:18:25.155-05:002016-06-29T18:18:25.155-05:00At first, I was (just a bit) kind of feeling for h...At first, I was (just a bit) kind of feeling for her. I mean, 24 years is a really long time for someone to be friends. Assuming he's not that much older than you, they were likely friends in elementary school. That's a F***ing long time for a relationship.<br /><br />At the same time, people in relationships for that long are sometimes blind to what's going on around them. Or at least, blind to how their relationship affects those around them. Not sure if that makes sense. They're not sleeping together, so obviously they're not in a relationship and how dare anyone accuse them of being in one! When in reality, sex isn't the only way to be in a relationship with someone.<br /><br />It seems like your guy was able to step back and look around him and realize that, yeah, the relationship he had with that girl wasn't so great now that he was in an actual romantic relationship with someone else. That can't have been easy for him to take that step back and basically say, "Hey, what we're doing isn't okay. We can still be friends, bust just not how we were before. Because we were WAY too close." or something like that. Kudos to him.<br /><br />It sounds like she's just a really unhappy person and was way too dependent on him for emotional support. So she lashed out angrily when she realized her support wasn't going to be the same support she'd been getting over the years. That sucks, but at the same time she is a grown woman and her reaction was way over the top ridiculous. Sounds like she needs to grow up and learn some maturity. And learn how go handle difficult situations on her own without having to bring down other people with her.<br /><br /><br />I'm writing this after working two 14-hour days in a row with another one coming tomorrow, so hopefully everything I've said makes sense. :)afairytale84https://www.blogger.com/profile/03530192464441555381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-85281232208125810872016-06-24T13:04:39.072-05:002016-06-24T13:04:39.072-05:00You are very right about losing the friendship. It...You are very right about losing the friendship. It was time.<br /><br />And in regards to the secure part, I honestly think it was her way of trying to manipulate/project her own insecurities. If she could make me look insecure, well then she didn't have to admit that she wasn't secure with my position in the relationship.NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-71935867345509569672016-06-24T13:02:48.562-05:002016-06-24T13:02:48.562-05:00I'm happy that you got something out of this p...I'm happy that you got something out of this post (other than a good chuckle from the GIFs of course!) <br /><br />You are enough, I promise. Let yourself accept that, and you will give the world a reason to respect it.<br /><br />You are enough!!!!<br /><br />*hugs*NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-36416479270922619822016-06-24T13:01:45.521-05:002016-06-24T13:01:45.521-05:00Thank you!
Thank you!<br />NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-54178545974628015172016-06-24T13:01:32.656-05:002016-06-24T13:01:32.656-05:00Sounds like you both had an amazing amount of resp...Sounds like you both had an amazing amount of respect for each other, and your spouses. You may not see him anymore, but that is a true friend :)NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-78800743229857362912016-06-24T13:00:41.278-05:002016-06-24T13:00:41.278-05:00Aw, thanks. And yes, yay for the guy!
You are ri...Aw, thanks. And yes, yay for the guy! <br /><br />You are right, what will be, will be, and we shall see what that is!<br /><br />I like to rock & roll. Why, do I look old!? <br /><br />;)NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-83157403203804723092016-06-24T12:59:45.745-05:002016-06-24T12:59:45.745-05:00Thank you love :) I'm also really pleased with...Thank you love :) I'm also really pleased with the way everything turned out.<br /><br />Hope you aren't still mad!!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-87030263803057865822016-06-18T20:02:01.257-05:002016-06-18T20:02:01.257-05:00Yay for happy endings.
And while, yeah, it sucks t...Yay for happy endings.<br />And while, yeah, it sucks to lose friendships that had lasted that long... well... it's like to end any other toxic relationship that has lasted for so long. You will grieve it, but it's something that will make your life lighter in the end. <br /><br />But this had caught my attention: She repeatedly stated that if "Eden were a secure human being, she would have absolutely no problem with you sharing your relationship details with me." Dude, what is going on in this girl's head?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-31858739708467058952016-06-17T06:49:35.102-05:002016-06-17T06:49:35.102-05:00I know what you mean... I had to give up a guy fri...I know what you mean... I had to give up a guy friend when he and I got married (to other people). We were platonic, but only because he didn't ask me soon enough (we were young, and I was taught to not pursue boys). By the time he did it was too late. <br />It's been 10 years (maybe more). We still send each other families' Christmas cards, but that is about it. I'm still in touch with his parents (whom I love), but we live in different continents, so it's not like I bump into him or them). <br />I still care for him deeply and I wish him all the happiness in the world. We just couldn't keep on being so close after we got married. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-35884580197275649972016-06-16T20:07:10.347-05:002016-06-16T20:07:10.347-05:00I had a similar type of platonic friendship with a...I had a similar type of platonic friendship with a woman once. She was married and I was not. Her husband was totally cool with the friendship..and that was very important to me....but then....suddenly...one day, he wasn't cool anymore....and that meant that I was not either. She was...is....and always will be my homie....but her obligation is not to me....it is to her husband....so we had to break fellowship.<br />I do not know how to stop being someone's friend. I just do not work that way. But there are certainly times in our lives when we must break fellowship. It would have been nice if you man friend and his long time friend could have just agreed, peacefully, that the current circumstances required that they break fellowship for now. Who knows...5 years down the road, she could be remarried to a great guy...you and man friend could be married and working on baby #4...and you four could fellowship as couples.Facebooknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-34106523323858202232016-06-16T18:04:17.186-05:002016-06-16T18:04:17.186-05:00I LOVE that everything has come together, full cir...I LOVE that everything has come together, full circle. Specifically, the part about having a place in someone's life. That is resonating deeply. You're inspiring to those of us with our own issues looking to get there. To just know what we're worth, what we deserve, and to find contentment. Your posts give me hope that one day I'll see that I'm enough, too. <br /><br />Plus, you have a gift for GIFs, my friend. :) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-25232097711451437072016-06-16T12:27:39.462-05:002016-06-16T12:27:39.462-05:00This was great!!!This was great!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-6574714565364708572016-06-16T12:27:18.186-05:002016-06-16T12:27:18.186-05:00Great read! Glad his choice was clear to him!Great read! Glad his choice was clear to him!Facebooknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-33486238786446291682016-06-16T12:26:59.745-05:002016-06-16T12:26:59.745-05:00That was a good read! Glad things worked out! The ...That was a good read! Glad things worked out! The more you write about him, the more he sounds like a great guy!Facebooknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-49037747229702162782016-06-16T09:44:09.228-05:002016-06-16T09:44:09.228-05:00Good for you! I'm glad it all worked out.
I h...Good for you! I'm glad it all worked out. <br />I had a guy friend before I met my husband. We could have been more then just friends if he had asked... By the time he did I was already dating my husband. Then he got married and I got married. I'm not friends with his wife (never met her, we live in different continents and I haven't personally seen him in over 10 years). We had to drop out of each other's life... We didn't fight, we didn't break up, we just gave each other up for the sake of our spouses. I still care for him and I'm sure he still cares for me (not romantically), but we just keep up with each other via Christmas newsletters. <br />I'm not bitter about it, and I bet he isn't either, it was the right thing to do. <br />Doesn't mean I don't miss him... <br />I don't know why I'm writing this... I guess I just had to get it out of my chest Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-69970839547732133362016-06-16T09:34:08.167-05:002016-06-16T09:34:08.167-05:00Girl - you rock. Plain and simple. And HURRAY for ...Girl - you rock. Plain and simple. And HURRAY for THE GUY to take a stand in the right direction. What will be will be...but for now, I'm happy for you both. Keep on rocking (and by that, I mean living life large and happy...or the rock & roll version if that's you). :) Carolyn DeNeuthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01305300889649139476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-73430797151704807662016-06-16T07:13:57.731-05:002016-06-16T07:13:57.731-05:00HA! First.
Now that that's out of the way......HA! First.<br /><br />Now that that's out of the way.....I'm so glad this is the way things turned out. I love it when life lessons are learned, and I like it even more when the outcome for the participants I care about is positive. I'm super glad you stood your ground, Eden, but also that you didn't force The Guy to do it your way. You let him make his own choice, and now you can feel that much more confident in how he feels about you and your relationship. And he can feel the same way! When people do things because they want to, not because they "have" to, for me it's much easier to see their true motivation.<br /><br />I'm still mad at you for making us wait this long to have a happy ending, though. :P Eatabagofrichardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08049463741637011276noreply@blogger.com