tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post7622614789220569299..comments2023-05-31T10:46:19.766-05:00Comments on It Is Not My Shame to Bear: So....About the Neighbors.....NotMyShametoBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-89910953490584727352016-02-05T14:57:33.770-06:002016-02-05T14:57:33.770-06:00I'm not going to shame you or say "I woul...I'm not going to shame you or say "I would've done this!" because it's not what you're asking for but I want to point out something you said that I find disheartening. <br />'he is a big dude, he could have gotten in his car and left if he felt like it, she is too small to actually have restrained him.'<br /><br />That's victim blaming. I don't know what their situation was or is, if they're still together, but it's a very dangerous thing to say he's too big to be being abused and could get out at any time. I'm sure people said the same thing about you. It makes you feel worse and like you deserve to be in that position. It's been two years since you wrote this blog post and I'm sure your perspective has changed but for anyone else reading my comment. Just because someone is big, successful, capable of defending themselves, a man or a woman; they can still be an abuse victim. Don't shame them and don't push any of the blame on them. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00982707356017230033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-12159057113467583412016-02-05T12:45:59.575-06:002016-02-05T12:45:59.575-06:00I agree, there is always room to grow and nobody s...I agree, there is always room to grow and nobody should be shamed.. regardless of the reason. I think you did the best you could given the time and circumstances of your own situation. If this had been a year or even 6 months down the road you would probably have done exactly what you wanted to do.Dee Magoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18070085477259242140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-86375234041158119902016-02-05T12:34:03.473-06:002016-02-05T12:34:03.473-06:00I am just now reading your blog.. OMG girl.. I can...I am just now reading your blog.. OMG girl.. I can't even.. I would definitely call the cops.. and if you need to put it on speaker and let them hear what you're hearing. And who cares if they hate your guts.. you do you and take care of the kids and all will be good.. Dee Magoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18070085477259242140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-81834825275443169202015-12-16T03:58:04.911-06:002015-12-16T03:58:04.911-06:00Not sure it happened in US. Pretty common in India...Not sure it happened in US. Pretty common in India. The laws that were drafted to be used as a tool for protection of women, have become a weapon in the hands of few, who know how to bend the law for their own good. A lot of good men have died, jailed, and abused for none of their fault. <br />Incredible India !! hehehe!!Sao Luo Bohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04506921183427015735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-4779830340365785772014-04-23T10:32:25.569-05:002014-04-23T10:32:25.569-05:00I'm not sure myself how I would handle such a ...I'm not sure myself how I would handle such a situation, so I don't have much advice to offer...but my comment about it? Woooooohooooooo they're movin' out...WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)<br /><br />Nathalie<br /><br />P.S. Did I already mention....WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO???Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-78341547015510837302014-02-13T22:05:22.395-06:002014-02-13T22:05:22.395-06:00It wasn't that I was dismissing it, he punched...It wasn't that I was dismissing it, he punched a hole through the door as well. I literally just didn't know what to do. If you read my other blogs, you would know how distrustful I am of the police after the rape. I didn't know what to do, which is why I asked here. Helpful advice is welcome, judging and shaming is not.NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-39632891813283960062014-02-12T22:10:19.931-06:002014-02-12T22:10:19.931-06:00It is extremely disheartening and saddening that y...It is extremely disheartening and saddening that you did not call the police. I am a survivor of sexual assault and grew up in a abusive environment, so I am extremely passive. But when it comes to potential abuse, I always report, despite panicking for hours afterward and being afraid for my safety if the people I reported found out. I hope you call the police next time. It's discouraging and ironic how you dismiss female abuse towards a male. Abusers use emotional manipulation, threats, and violence to keep their victims in place. It doesn't matter if the man is "big enough" to defend himself. People who act like passive bystanders when abuse happens only support the cycle of abuse. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-20194670187882477512014-02-08T08:22:17.567-06:002014-02-08T08:22:17.567-06:00Thats an interesting perspective, and probably has...Thats an interesting perspective, and probably has quite a bit a truth to it. Thanks for sharing!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-46448926646540624062014-02-07T13:33:27.962-06:002014-02-07T13:33:27.962-06:00Maybe that is why she is giving you the silent tre...Maybe that is why she is giving you the silent treatment because she identifies with being an abuser and thinks you should have been so "empowered" and shit when she has no idea what it is like to be so horribly victimized. Fuck her, call the cops next time and like someone else said, film it. We don't need nurses like that either. XO to youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-23136757276358364782014-01-22T20:14:55.003-06:002014-01-22T20:14:55.003-06:00I'll have to try that next time, thank you!I'll have to try that next time, thank you!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-51218253490676915292014-01-22T16:17:52.891-06:002014-01-22T16:17:52.891-06:00When I lived in a condo I actually called on the n...When I lived in a condo I actually called on the neighbors twice. I am not sure what state you live in but what I did was call the non-emergency line and just ask for an officer to come out. I did this as an anonymous neighbor and never gave my name. Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15687195870389933729noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-50195149234363008412014-01-02T00:36:31.971-06:002014-01-02T00:36:31.971-06:00I hadn't thought of blocking my number. Seems ...I hadn't thought of blocking my number. Seems very common sense.....duh. Thanks for the tip!!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-78545401377936981362014-01-02T00:35:45.460-06:002014-01-02T00:35:45.460-06:00Great idea, never thought of doing that before!Great idea, never thought of doing that before!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-86107533049455738602014-01-01T22:04:12.894-06:002014-01-01T22:04:12.894-06:00I work for a police dept, in dispatch actually so ...I work for a police dept, in dispatch actually so I am used to getting these calls. If I were you I would block my number call the police and tell them what was going on with out giving any of your personal info. Then hang up. Let the police deal with their trashiness. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-80865054458808725732013-12-26T10:03:26.431-06:002013-12-26T10:03:26.431-06:00That's horrible!!! I'm so sorry that happe...That's horrible!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you :( Do you mind if I ask what ended up happening?NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-54264748061061899902013-12-26T00:15:35.296-06:002013-12-26T00:15:35.296-06:00I'm one of the men that got taken to jail afte...I'm one of the men that got taken to jail after being battered. The officers saw me bloodied and my clothes torn her not mussed and still took me because I'm "a foot taller". Thanks a lot.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-2997555540556604232013-12-23T21:36:10.833-06:002013-12-23T21:36:10.833-06:00I'm glad you found your way here, I hope you s...I'm glad you found your way here, I hope you stick around. That's a great idea about making your presence known!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-72305873785446526802013-12-23T18:25:58.096-06:002013-12-23T18:25:58.096-06:00Your blog is empowering for someone like me, who a...Your blog is empowering for someone like me, who also left my family, but not the same circumstances as you. Abusers and bullies don't like to do their deeds when others are watching. For me, I always let them know I'm watching - by turning on lights, opening the curtain, making a lot of noise....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-92116617165895153792013-12-13T13:13:17.703-06:002013-12-13T13:13:17.703-06:00Film it in case the police show up, so you can try...Film it in case the police show up, so you can try to make sure the abuser gets taken to jail rather than the victim.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-20514487599069616462013-11-27T16:15:29.545-06:002013-11-27T16:15:29.545-06:00I thought about it, but its so hard when you have ...I thought about it, but its so hard when you have to live next to them! They already collectively dislike me...I'm scared to push it!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-55289731581633543332013-11-27T10:40:05.749-06:002013-11-27T10:40:05.749-06:00Though I know you aren't too happy with the po...Though I know you aren't too happy with the police at this time, that is what I would do...call them EACH and EVERY time she does this...let them handle it andtell them what you did hear...she might shut her face up after a few times of having to deal with them. Just what I would do!<br />Mary Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08814636676077833766noreply@blogger.com