tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post9167762940091764640..comments2023-05-31T10:46:19.766-05:00Comments on It Is Not My Shame to Bear: Do You Want To Ask An Attorney A Question For Free?NotMyShametoBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-78049762910035538672015-04-22T11:07:43.038-05:002015-04-22T11:07:43.038-05:00what have you learned about working with victims s...what have you learned about working with victims since working with eden and reading her blog?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-34435435892047598842015-03-23T11:33:41.892-05:002015-03-23T11:33:41.892-05:00Thank you for your reply. He has been in counselin...Thank you for your reply. He has been in counseling on and off since he was 4 to help him deal with this situation. I do not currently have him in counseling as his therapist discharged him saying that he was doing very well. I still think about bringing him back but for now he is not.Thank you for your insight regarding his idealizing his mother... it makes sense that he would make sense of his pain in that way. Very insightful and helpful, I will keep it in mind next time he says those things.Help a Dad Outnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-19335885749129196302015-03-22T20:46:50.314-05:002015-03-22T20:46:50.314-05:00Aw thanks :) Aw thanks :) NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-32026365406392455732015-03-22T20:46:04.815-05:002015-03-22T20:46:04.815-05:00That breaks my heart to hear :( I'll leave th...That breaks my heart to hear :( I'll leave the legal stuff up to Mr. Attorney Man to answer, but if I may offer a few words of advice and hugs on the son part, that is extremely typical. Kids can't grasp what they don't understand and so when they grieve the loss of the person not there, they make them bigger. "I'm really sad I don't have my mom... so it must be because she was the greatest! It hurts that she isn't here... and that must be because she loved me the most." They give meaning to their pain by putting the absent parent up on a pedestal, because they don't know how to grieve concepts that are way beyond their understanding. All they know is that they hurt bc the other parent isn't there, and since they don't feel that same loss and pain with you, it causes them to think maybe they love the other parent more, the person that could take away their grief if they just came back. They don't understand that just because they want something doesn't mean it isn't good for them. As much as it hurts to see him in pain, you as his father need to make the decisions that you feel are best for him and his safety, even if they collide with what he wants. Has he been in counseling? Sometimes it's easier for kids to be able to process and work through these emotions when it's with someone who doesn't have a stake in the game. It's just a thought. I wish you well and and sending big empathetic hugs. It hurts, I know it does :(NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-85034940162562116542015-03-22T19:54:16.402-05:002015-03-22T19:54:16.402-05:00After reading about how much Eden loses it when sh...After reading about how much Eden loses it when she goes to court, what did you think of the post "because no one ever told me" dated Oct. 22nd when she went to court on criminal charges? I'm an attorney as well and I have a few clients that I could not fathom sending into court alone, and my heart leapt when I read that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-40561035163792467672015-03-20T13:29:54.251-05:002015-03-20T13:29:54.251-05:00I have sole custody of my 12 year old son who sees...I have sole custody of my 12 year old son who sees his mom every week at a supervised parenting center per our custody order. I got sole custody 4 years ago due to her mental health issues, chemical dependency, personality disorder type stuff and history of abuse and stalking. She wants to see him more and see him unsupervised and I want him to see her more but I am wary because she hasn't completed any of the parts of the court order that said she had to get evaluated and treated. The court order also says she has to be at a supervised parenting time center. I shouldn't go around the court order and let her see him outside of there, right? Should I let her see him at the center but in an unsupervised room like she wants? I don't have contact with her so don't know how she's doing and I don't trust her because of our history. Should I contact her and set up a meeting to see how’s she’s doing, if she’s healthier/sober now? How would I even be able to discern something like that? She’s been living with some very religious relatives for the past 4 years who swear she’s doing great, is sober, has become a Christian, goes to bible study and church, and has transformed into this wonderful woman and have offered to supervise her visits with him. But I don’t know these relatives and don’t trust them either. I wish I could make her get evaluated and treated so I would know she’s better so our son could see her more. Is there any way I could get her to do that? My son cries sometimes that he misses his mom and that she loved him more than anyone and he feels more comfortable with her than anyone and I wish I could make everything better for him somehow.Help a Dad Outnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-91044976009774850732015-03-19T19:30:17.749-05:002015-03-19T19:30:17.749-05:00Are you the same person who asked above what I am ...Are you the same person who asked above what I am like in real life? Oh COURSE he is going to tell you I'm fun. BECAUSE I'M FUN.<br /><br />Right Mr. Attorney Man? RIGHT!???NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-43214283715241436602015-03-19T17:17:51.889-05:002015-03-19T17:17:51.889-05:00How has it felt for you to read Eden's version...How has it felt for you to read Eden's version of the events that you have been involved with? Do you think it is making you a better attorney because you are able to get an in depth view of what your clients, specifically victims of abuse, are dealing with? What has been your greatest surprise in this process?<br /><br />And just because I'm a big Eden fan I have to ask, is she really this fun in real life? (Not saying that you aren't fun IRL Eden, just seem like you would be a blast to hang out with and I want to hear it from someone who knows you!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-47127309135501707032015-03-16T17:06:05.761-05:002015-03-16T17:06:05.761-05:00How can a child decide if (s)he is abused at home ...How can a child decide if (s)he is abused at home or not? When relatives make him feel inferior quite often in many ways, he cries inside, but still doesn't know if it is a real violence or just a human imperfection that others treat him that way? And he really want to get some help, but doesn't have nobody to turn? And is afraid that if he asks for help at school, his situation will become more "public", because the teachers have a duty to inform proper authorities? Is there something between the total revelation and total silence he can choose? How to find someone trusted who can look at everything more objectively? Excluding the help line, we assume he doesn't have a phone.<br /><br />Kisses for you, Eden. You are so warm, good, cute, awesome and crazy ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-26210431814817426282015-03-12T15:34:38.028-05:002015-03-12T15:34:38.028-05:00From conversations I've had with the 10-year-o...From conversations I've had with the 10-year-old's older brothers (they're closer to my age and are actually the same age as my brother and sister - 20s and 30s), life at home was pretty normal for her. My aunt's seriously crazy, there's no doubt about that. But I don't think things were too terrible.<br /><br />I honestly just think my aunt up and decided she didn't want to be a parent anymore. No rhyme or reason. Just made a sudden, out of the blue decision.<br /><br />I can't decide if that's better or worse. Better that my cousin didn't have a terrible home life, but worse because she had absolutely no idea this was coming. :(<br /><br />My uncle makes pretty good money as does his wife. I don't know much about how or even if he wants to fight it. I have a feeling he's not going to fight it though, only because doing so would enrage my aunt, and he doesn't want their daughter to witness any more of her crazy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-69967294922890959842015-03-12T02:51:04.639-05:002015-03-12T02:51:04.639-05:00I'm not sure you can sign away your parental r...I'm not sure you can sign away your parental rights to the extent you aren't obliged financially. I say this because there are whole web sites of men's rightsers complaining about the fact they can't have 'paper abortions' from parental responsibility.<br /><br />However I think the law is still catching up with the concept of dead beat mums. Morally she should certainly be providing child support, and I gather there are more instances of women being required to do so. It probably depends on which state they live in, and how good a lawyer the child's father can afford.<br /><br />I feel bad for the child, things must have been pretty terrible at home, to then be rejected like that is really going to mess her up. :(snork maidenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12072762474400053537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-54126132892460388942015-03-11T20:18:24.118-05:002015-03-11T20:18:24.118-05:00WOW that's a lot of money. Geesh. He owes you ...WOW that's a lot of money. Geesh. He owes you like half a house! Good question! I'm fairly certain that custody and child support end at age 18 or when the child graduates high school, but what the hell do I know. I'll be interested in hearing the answer.<br /><br />Good luck dear, that's a tough situation to be in :( NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-53580065973798477672015-03-11T20:15:33.200-05:002015-03-11T20:15:33.200-05:00I'm sorry your family is going through a rough...I'm sorry your family is going through a rough time :( Thanks for your question!<br /><br />Sending you and your family BIG *hugs*NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-6227038536770747692015-03-11T20:14:20.050-05:002015-03-11T20:14:20.050-05:00Haha! Let's see, he has learned a lot of corny...Haha! Let's see, he has learned a lot of corny jokes, how annoying I can be, and that I don't go away easily. I think he just keeps me around because I bake for his office staff every once in a blue moon.NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-85977265082156809762015-03-11T20:12:27.474-05:002015-03-11T20:12:27.474-05:00So many cold-hearted people in this world. How awf...So many cold-hearted people in this world. How awful for that little girl! My Girl Child has a hard enough time and she was significantly younger than 10. How sad :(NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-52206791568334939352015-03-11T20:10:46.334-05:002015-03-11T20:10:46.334-05:00Ooo, that's a good one! I think I know the ans...Ooo, that's a good one! I think I know the answer but will be interested to see what Mr. Attorney Man has to say!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-59262557956934682752015-03-11T19:32:30.159-05:002015-03-11T19:32:30.159-05:00My husband and I have been married for over 15 yea...My husband and I have been married for over 15 years and yet my name is still not on our house. (He owned it before we married, but he only got it a few years before, so it's not like it was paid for before I came along, or his inherited family property or anything.) I keep asking him to add me and he keeps saying that it doesn't matter, but that if I do all the work and get all the papers together to do that for him then he'll sign them, whatever. But of course only the owner can do that, somebody with no current legal status connected to it can't get the property paperwork on a house, just like they can't go to the DMV and get a random car title either (and a good thing too, or some stranger could add themselves to your house or acquire your vehicle) so it's a catch-22, or so it seems. He says it doesn't matter, and we live in a community property state anyway, so why worry, but my worry is not just what happens if we were to split up, but that if something happens to him, God forbid, even though our wills name each other and all, it will become a big mess and I really do need to be on the title now already. What do you think? (Also, I am still unsure about how to be added, i.e., joint tenants vs tenants in common, and then there's something I heard about setting up a trust, etc.?) I wish I knew the best thing to do and the best way to go about it. ??? (And if he's right and it doesn't really matter... I think it does, myself though.) ?!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-91298798541344612002015-03-11T14:38:01.359-05:002015-03-11T14:38:01.359-05:00I deleted my comment because I realized I was sign...I deleted my comment because I realized I was signed into my account and due to the nature of the comment, would rather be anonymous with this. I realize it's probably too late (once it's out there, it's out there!) but better safe than sorry. Here it is, in anonymous form:<br /><br />My aunt dropped her 10-year-old daughter off at her father's house (the daughter's father, my aunt's ex-husband) for a visitation weekend, then decided she wanted to sever all parental rights/responsibilities and sign over full custody to the guy. She never told either of them she was doing this, she just didn't show up on that Sunday to pick up her daughter and ignored all phone calls for 2 days. Then she finally answered her ex's call and said, "I don't want her anymore. You raise her." before hanging up.<br /><br />If she wants nothing to do with her daughter and has signed (according to what I've been told) away all her parental rights, is she under any obligation to help out financially with her daughter's life? What recourse does my uncle have?<br /><br />Thanks. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-89752046838227733562015-03-10T18:58:48.161-05:002015-03-10T18:58:48.161-05:00Are we allowed to ask other types of questions? I ...Are we allowed to ask other types of questions? I would like to know what you have learned from Eden. She is such an inspiration on this blog for so many people and she talks so highly of you, what have you learned from her? I guess I'm just interested in knowing what it's like to know her in "real life." It's quite apparent that she has made some impact on you or you wouldn't be involved in her nonprofit and her book, can you tell us a little bit about that? Your relationship dynamic intrigues me and I wonder if she is just as engaging in real life as she appears to be with her readers. <br /><br />Thanks for taking the time to do this!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-49602021838984073472015-03-10T18:29:02.924-05:002015-03-10T18:29:02.924-05:00Haha! Were you planning some sort of chance encoun...Haha! Were you planning some sort of chance encounter? How funnyNotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-82744089230360046902015-03-10T15:36:29.091-05:002015-03-10T15:36:29.091-05:00What made you want to help Eden? Surely there are ...What made you want to help Eden? Surely there are many women that need help, why her? I don't say this in a troll like manner, just curious as to why you would invest yourself into her case, a case that appears to be quite intense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-62398233737780731092015-03-10T14:06:48.120-05:002015-03-10T14:06:48.120-05:00My parents are currently separated. My father is ...My parents are currently separated. My father is unstable and unpredictable due to mental illness and various addictions. My mother has been waiting for the right time to serve him papers, but has not yet done so. She tried once and he "ran away" to escape having to deal with it. <br /><br />My siblings and I would like them to divorce and move on with their separate lives. It would be healthiest for everyone (including him). What kind of options does she have? Will she have to stay married to him if he refuses to sign the papers? Any advice would be appreciated it.<br /><br />Thank you,<br />HaleyHaleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-67644274593053899862015-03-10T13:02:25.257-05:002015-03-10T13:02:25.257-05:00Good for him! Sad for the rest of us :)Good for him! Sad for the rest of us :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-14186956937649473542015-03-10T12:29:22.722-05:002015-03-10T12:29:22.722-05:00The father of my children abandoned them about a y...The father of my children abandoned them about a year before being incarcerated. They were 4 and 2 years old at the time. The only time he has tried to contact us was in 2009 when he asked to vacate his entire child support obligation (he is in arrears $69,000 currently). The court denied his request. This past December he was paroled to a half way house in a not so nice area. Once again he requested to vacate his entire child support arrears and this time was seeking to reconnect with the kids. The court again denied this request. I am not comfortable with introducing violent and criminal behaviors into my children's lifestyle. I will be in debt until I die to pay back the money it cost me to gain an education (I am working on a Doctorate) so I can provide them with a safe environment and so they can live in a nice neighborhood. My oldest is now 17. My questions are: Are there precautions that can legally be set in place in the event that I become forced to introduce this man to my children? I am concerned for their physical and emotional wellbeing. Also, at what age will the court terminate the need for child support and shared custody arrangements? Can I seek to have them terminated at 18? This man is NOT a father. He has had no contact with us in 13 years.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-79099079556118077222015-03-10T11:41:10.585-05:002015-03-10T11:41:10.585-05:00Thanks for the question!Thanks for the question!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.com