tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post7307640729598001421..comments2023-05-31T10:46:19.766-05:00Comments on It Is Not My Shame to Bear: Feelings Are Not FactsNotMyShametoBearhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-31461830995070722382016-03-10T11:17:06.095-06:002016-03-10T11:17:06.095-06:00This, right above me, truth. I am so confused as t...This, right above me, truth. I am so confused as to how people seem to think that I should have just been totally fine with my husband lying to me, and choose to be happy instead. The entire point was that he was purposefully making me crazy, and causing me to doubt myself. He was doing that to lead me away from figuring out the truth, and damn right I was mad at the time, because the person in my life who was supposed to be my partner, was betraying my trust. And I was right, SO MUCH more was going on than I even knew; drugs, cheating, etc. How on earth is ignoring the red flags, going to make your life better?<br /><br />By your theory a wife who has suspicions about her husband, should just ignore them all and be happy. Well, look what happened to me. I didn't ignore them outright but I didn't get to the bottom of the truth, and the truth was he was hiding an entire second life from me.<br /><br />Your theory of being happy vs. being right is completely moronic, and if you read this blog or my comments at all, you would know that I'm not usually that forward with my readers, but there are abuse victims here and the last thing they need to hear is someone telling them to ignore the lies/abuse/red flags, and be happy instead.<br /><br />That's dangerous.<br /><br />And in no way did I say that I was still angry now. As the above person said, I was jumping back in time to portray an example, which in case you didn't know, is a writing technique.<br /><br />NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-84926380877242042462016-03-10T11:10:45.846-06:002016-03-10T11:10:45.846-06:00Yea, I'm not really sure why you would think t...Yea, I'm not really sure why you would think that multiple people tried to comment in her defense, but they were filtered out, because I've been passing through all the comments that aren't spam bots. <br /><br />Sorry, apparently it's just you two. Or maybe you really are just one...NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-51396196693950345452016-03-10T02:17:34.766-06:002016-03-10T02:17:34.766-06:00And now that I'm looking at it and can see tha...And now that I'm looking at it and can see that this morning mommy profile was set up the first day it commented here, I'm willing to bet you are both one in the same person anyway. Great job supporting "each other."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-31024192417782977992016-03-10T02:14:48.882-06:002016-03-10T02:14:48.882-06:00If she were really moderating comments out that sh...If she were really moderating comments out that she didn't like, I doubt yours would be here. And I don't see any evidence of "multiple people have commented that they could relate and been removed" or whatever you said. I think it's just you two nuts.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-89171701520259611212016-03-10T01:56:28.503-06:002016-03-10T01:56:28.503-06:00Oh my gosh, you two are both blubbering idiots. It...Oh my gosh, you two are both blubbering idiots. It's amazing how two people who appear to be able to write out cognitive thoughts can both be so stupid. She is not still mad about the smoking, she was clearly using that as an example of how her ex husband was attempting to make her feel crazy. The post was about gaslighing. Have you have been gaslight by someone? It's a form of abuse. How is she supposed to explain it without examples?<br /><br />You two morons have TOTALLY missed the point of the entire blog and are now doling out advice as if you know what you are talking about. "It's not about being right, it should be about being happy." So an abuse victim shouldn't worry at all about the fact that she was abused, she should just let it go (even in the moment) and focus on being happy? WTF kind of advice is that? She didn't say she was mad now. She said she felt crazy at the time. He was manipulating and abusing her and she should have instead been focusing on being happy?<br /><br />It's really quite hilarious. You are insanenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-56659191964558709162016-03-09T23:08:01.470-06:002016-03-09T23:08:01.470-06:00OH "Sweetie" it seems as though multiple...OH "Sweetie" it seems as though multiple people did comment that they could relate to what Morning Mommy was saying BUT all comments are moderated and selectively allowed (or not allowed) to be added to the conversation bc hey, that's what a blog is for, right? Everyone weighing in not everyone being told that they must have the same opinion in order to feel welcome. And EVERYONE has issues--you for example are condescending and intolerant and that's clear from the single small blurb that you wrote yet no one is advising you to "work on it" WHY? Bc that's immature and oppressive. Each person is permitted to have their own point of view and that's the beauty of it and while I don't agree with everything Morning Mommy writes I RESPECT that she has input and contributes to the conversation in general. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-14289470433371012016-03-09T20:34:31.258-06:002016-03-09T20:34:31.258-06:00Morning Mommy-- no bashing here bc I feel that you...Morning Mommy-- no bashing here bc I feel that you really hit the nail on the head with this one!! Knowing you'll get attached for voicing anything but eden-worship on here is discouraging and I often wonder why I continue to read each time there's a new post but the simple fact is HAPPY is where it's at. Who hasn't been dealt a shitty hand in life? Its so easy to be right, to need to be right and to have that feeling of "oh I knew this would happen or I knew I was right" etc and YES that feels great at first but being right about someone you love that disappoints you shouldn't make you feel good and validated...it should be terrible. Get over it, ALL of it, and be happy in knowing you've for amazing children and a great support system and run a successful non-profit. Be happy and feel validated bc of all YOU have accomplishes independently not bc someone else failed their resonsibilty to you. Who cares if you were right about him smoking 4 years ago? That unwillingness to let go of such animosity doesn't make him look bad it makes you look like you're clinging to the past. Just be ☺. <br />Shannonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-83605067273068300132016-03-05T12:39:17.145-06:002016-03-05T12:39:17.145-06:00As we can clearly see gaslighting comes from all s...As we can clearly see gaslighting comes from all sources, it's everywhere, be sure to recognize, dismiss it, then move on .........Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17724712321068227998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-35609254253168287102016-03-03T21:05:35.709-06:002016-03-03T21:05:35.709-06:00You would think... but it took me a long time to p...You would think... but it took me a long time to put 2 and 2 together, so looking back, I don't think I knew about the meth at that point yet. I knew something was going on, I just always thought he was sick or something. At that point smoking seemed to be the one thing that I thought I could really catch him on and prove that I wasn't crazy for not trusting him...NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-23508573952950894812016-03-01T09:03:05.409-06:002016-03-01T09:03:05.409-06:00That was interesting...Hard to take a side,.... bu...That was interesting...Hard to take a side,.... but maybe the whole point was not to.harrydnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-57042588147613672922016-02-19T16:08:51.582-06:002016-02-19T16:08:51.582-06:00Lol, just because I'd think it was a minor con...Lol, just because I'd think it was a minor concern considering the OTHER things he was smoking.<br /><br />(That's what you do with meth, right?)CDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-21721879835725817362016-02-18T17:29:57.527-06:002016-02-18T17:29:57.527-06:00*HUGS**HUGS*NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-35838794178317283552016-02-18T17:29:45.204-06:002016-02-18T17:29:45.204-06:00No one likes a crazy person, especially when we re...No one likes a crazy person, especially when we realize that it's us!<br /><br />That me looking out the window part was after my daughter was born, but before my son. Actually... maybe right after my son was born. I'm not totally certain... Some of that stuff just blends together as the years go on, but the suspicion had been going on for much longer than that.NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-11126200632393513032016-02-18T17:27:44.967-06:002016-02-18T17:27:44.967-06:00You are doing amazing!!You are doing amazing!!NotMyShametoBearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07679891969349514369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-73282485192876762372016-02-17T13:32:54.904-06:002016-02-17T13:32:54.904-06:00Sweetie, I really think you have a lot of work to ...Sweetie, I really think you have a lot of work to do on yourself before you start pointing out what you believe to be flaws in others. The fact that so many people have found healing here, and yet with your words no one comes to defend you, it's quite telling. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-16901406751014097502016-02-17T11:45:05.761-06:002016-02-17T11:45:05.761-06:00Oh- and sorry. I don't have facebook. Since I...Oh- and sorry. I don't have facebook. Since I am not welcome I will leave. Goodbye.Morning Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12954134047799225045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-135560891963133342016-02-17T11:43:45.242-06:002016-02-17T11:43:45.242-06:00Really....
Well I do have experience. I was rais...Really....<br /><br />Well I do have experience. I was raised by severely mentally ill mother who was abusive -but I have clearly accepted she was ill. What healthy individual wants to be an abuser, never wants love only obedience and accomodation? My father was not around until my mother's death when I was in college (he left).<br /><br />I didn't mean to but married a husband with the same mental health issue apparently as mommy dearest although not as severe (thought I had dodged that bullet). After his temporary commitment and continued mental health appointments we are still married with two high needs (I don't typically use special needs) children. <br /><br />Part of my lack of will power in resisting posting to this blog is my parallels - but we have handled things differently. Do I think Eden handled anything wrong - no, not at all. I just believe there are other viewpoints and options out there. I think after reading for awhile now I just noticed this theme of having to be right and I think many people can be healthy and not struggle with things if they let that go. I posted on this entry specifically b/c she put into words so much of what I was seeing - forcing someone to admit they're lying when she already knew they were. Writing things down to prove she was right (because otherwise she would feel crazy?)<br /><br />I am not trying to de-value what is written. Same coin, other side. I don't say "Why me?" I say "Well, me." Getting upset, angry, or justifying is just hitting yourself in the head with a baseball bat and expected the other person to get a headache.Morning Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12954134047799225045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-69770688069385134512016-02-17T11:07:21.813-06:002016-02-17T11:07:21.813-06:00"Being happy shouldn't take effort."..."Being happy shouldn't take effort."<br /><br />Clearly, you have never been abused. It takes women (and men) years, decades, and sometimes entire lifetimes to retrain their thinking. They have been so mind warped that they need to relearn how to be happy and how to even allow themselves to feel happy.<br /><br />You then go on to say that happiness is a choice. Well, choices take effort. They take dedication. They take work until they become habits. She is trying, just as so many abuse victims are, and you are undermining their work.<br /><br />You honestly sound like someone who has had the easiest of lives and cannot understand how people struggle to find happiness and meaning in a world that has been destroyed. I'm not sure that this is the right place for you to be handing out advice, anymore than a white person should advise black people on how to be black. You don't seem to know the meaning of empathy and that is really sad. Happiness for you, seems to come in the form of feeling superior and self righteous.<br /><br />Another point that I would like to make, is that as Eden said on Facebook one day, that she realizes her Yahoo articles make her come off as depressed and whiny and that it is not at all how she feels in her daily life, but rather a glimpse into certain situations, situations in which Yahoo has asked her to write about. Why people fail to realize that writing is an actual paying job, is incomprehensible to me. <br /><br />If her blog states "this is not my shame to bear," then why does it bother you so much that she is choosing not to be shamed by her past?Why are you bothered that she feels shame in some situations, but overall decided not to let the shame define her?<br /><br />Why are you discrediting the exact point that you are trying to make?<br /><br />You really don't make any sense and it shows very clearly in the way that you portray how little you know about domestic violence.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-60566105719285507772016-02-17T10:43:37.699-06:002016-02-17T10:43:37.699-06:00I have read it. And I am not talking about anger....I have read it. And I am not talking about anger. Being happy shouldn't take effort. Too much of her blog and her articles (which is how I was introduced to her history and this blog) is centered on being right and the effort it takes to over come what has been done to her. Even the name of this blog - "Its not my shame to bear". What shame? There is not shame for her in anything that has happened let alone having to bear it. Where is she seeing it?<br /><br />That she is on welfare? People try to guilt and shame others for taking advantage of welfare - is that what she is doing. No? Then no shame.<br /><br />The guy looking her over b/c of her phone? Say "hey, you like it?" Whatever, but why get defensive, why feel the need to explain, and why let it get to you? Because you want to make your point over and over and over again? Who are you trying to convince?<br /><br /><br />And about taking advice - I will take any that is given, some to heart, some to mull over, some to open my mind, and some to recognize that I feel comfortable in my past choices and hope to be the same in my future. Do you think I come up with my points all by myself? No I was taught, I tested, and I lived. The question of being right or happy is a standard in psychological practices. They ask everyone from depression patients to serial killers. Happy by far turns out to be the better choice (although those who answer right try to justify it by saying being right makes them happy)<br /><br />I comment not for the advice per se but to open the stage. Eden may be strong - but plenty disagree with her. This is not an attack, its a disagreement. Is this blog not open to that? Then why promote it to the extent on the web? If it has true value testing it will simply increase its value under scrutiny. If both arguments have value they will both increase under comparison.Morning Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12954134047799225045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-71521983914928140282016-02-17T10:23:51.817-06:002016-02-17T10:23:51.817-06:00I always find it funny when people take the time t...I always find it funny when people take the time to write out these long, drawn out, advice giving comments, but don't take the time to read what they are actually commenting on. <br /><br />If you've spent any time whatsoever reading Eden's blog, the entire thing is about letting go of your anger and finding your happiness in life. But nope, here you are, commenting on the one post that has absolutely nothing to do with her anger other than furthering a point (which was a very good point), and trying to hand out advice that is completely irrelevant.<br /><br />I'm sure that as much as you love to hand out advice, that you most likely don't like to receive any, but I would highly suggest taking a little more time to read her blogs. She does quite a few on how harboring anger only hurts the person that harbors it, and how if you waste your time being angry, you lose out on all your time being happy.<br /><br />I learned that from Eden. Clearly, you did not.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-41792728503113381392016-02-17T09:48:21.668-06:002016-02-17T09:48:21.668-06:00Ms. Strong,
I have read several of your articles ...Ms. Strong,<br /><br />I have read several of your articles and posts. But this one into words some things that I do not know if you have even noticed.<br /><br />First - yes your ex is the poster child (and I mean child) for a d-bag. No argument there.<br /><br />But.....<br /><br />Would you rather be right or happy?<br /><br />Of course he was smoking again. Of course you were right. But in being right - it trying to force him to admit it - did that fix it? Did that make you happy? Did your validation feel good? Or did it just make you think "See, I'm not crazy" because G-d knows if your not right your crazy.<br /><br />Take the whole angle from the happy side - everything not just the smoking post.How much happiness have you let go of , ignored the chance for to prove (to who b/c I am not sure other than yourself) that your right. Of course your right - but who cares? What does being right get you other than validate a reason to be miserable and pass that to your children?<br /><br />Stop. Please. Choose Happy and see how things change. Will your ex still be a d-bag. Yes of course b/c you whether or not its validated its who he is. Will you still be struggling? Yes - BUT - the struggle just might seem a little more worth it than some kind of sentence that he did. <br /><br />And you'll teach your kids by example that winning the fight isn't the true victory, its tickling your child until you're both laughing yourself silly and not fighting a thing, just enjoying every second. His misery isn't worth it - your and your children's happiness is.<br /><br />I'll probably get bashed, but good luckMorning Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12954134047799225045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-32356381537497565012016-02-14T20:16:02.313-06:002016-02-14T20:16:02.313-06:00I'm far too familiar with gaslighting. But I h...I'm far too familiar with gaslighting. But I hadn't thought about the amount of times we say or think what is convenient for us. You have a point - whether it's coming from us or from others, it's crazymaking behavior. This goes in line with my New Years resolution to pay more attention to my thoughts than my feelings (specifically, since the latter changes all the time...)<br /><br />Knowing what I know about your ex, I'm guessing the cigarette story happened pretty early on?CDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4828879467490478491.post-12092183528923750952016-02-11T11:52:03.863-06:002016-02-11T11:52:03.863-06:00Love this article, Eden. It's a great reminde...Love this article, Eden. It's a great reminder to me. I've come a long way in separating feelings and facts, but I still struggle sometimes. Thank you! *hugs*Eatabagofrichardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08049463741637011276noreply@blogger.com