You Are Never Going To Believe This

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Heeeelllllooooo everyone!

My gosh, WHERE IS THE TIME GOING?

I feel like these last few months have just run over me; some great, other parts not-so-great, and a few moments have just been insane.

Can we talk about “insane,” for a few minutes here? Because here is something that I cannot even wrap my head around, and I’d love it if you all could join me in shock, awe, and horror:

Set Previous Stage: Do you remember the last time I took my ex to court? It was the 3rd or 4th time we had gone due to his failure to pay child support, and as usual he whined and cried that he was poor, basically homeless, and had not a penny to his name. Then, in a shocking twist, it came out that he was married and had new kids. He begged and pleaded for one more chance to make things right, because his “kids” (not referring to the ones he abandoned) needed him, and the judge bought the whole damn charade.

Set Recent Stage: Last December, after being given another opportunity to stay out of jail and pay down his arrearages, my ex stopped contributing to the kids medical bills, daycare costs, etc, and fell behind on paying child support. I offered him an agreement to get caught up, just so we could stay out of court, he denied it, and I filed a court petition.

Set Current Stage: My ex hired an attorney. Yep! The man cannot afford to pay his child support, yet he can afford an attorney to explain why he shouldn't have to pay child support. Oh but wait! He actually CAN afford support, because after lying on his financial affadavits all these years, after hiring an attorney who has the responsibility to have his client surrender certain financial documents to the other party (us), SURPRISE SURPRISE out comes the truth; the ex and his wife make nearly 100k a year.

You read that right (although at first I didn’t think I had).

The 2nd Edition Of "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"

Last night I was flipping through the TV channels and I came across an emerald ring that was on sale on the home shopping network, for the low, low price of $20,000. Since I didn't feel like jumping up to grab my credit card to buy the ugliest ring I had ever seen after I had gotten all comfortable on the couch, I finally edited this little beauty for you! Because if there is anything that I have enjoyed writing more than the "Things That Make You Ask Why" series, it's this series.

Really though, nothing says 'Murica, more than the examples of what you can buy in our stores. So without further ado, I ask you, "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"

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Wait... what? I have so many questions here that I'm not even sure where to start.

So I guess I'll just start with, "why not shop online for recycled car parts that you can use the next time you attend a riot?"

Deep Throating... Or Something Like It

I peered into the mirror, my face so close to it that I had to keep wiping the steam from my breath off of the glass so that it wouldn’t obstruct my view. With my mouth open wide and a flashlight perfectly aimed to shine down my throat, I could see that there was a swollen lump attached to the bottom of my tonsil. 

Photo Credit: Giphy.com

Super gross, I know, and the gross factor, combined with the pain it was causing, finally convinced me to go see my primary care doctor, who in turn looked a bit startled as she recommended that if it was still there in a week, that I should go see an ENT (ear, nose, and throat doctor) instead.

Fun times.

Well, a week passed, and after peering at it again in the mirror, I begrudgingly slid off my bathroom counter and made an appointment with a local ENT. The next few days were spent religiously gargling saltwater and ingesting massive amounts of natural antiviral and antibacterial concoctions — hoping that the disgusting whatever-it-was might disappear without medical intervention and all would be right in the world.

Unfortunately for me, that didn’t happen. But, when the morning of my appointment rolled around, I got a call that something had come up with one of the DV victims that I work with, and even though I really needed to get to the appointment, she needed me more.

I canceled the appointment and rescheduled it for the following week, and to my surprise, the day before that appointment rolled around, it simply vanished.

Photo Credit: Giphy.com

I thought about it, and knowing that the laws of irony assured that if I didn’t go to the appointment, the lump would come back (and not wanting to cancel on the doctor again), I decided to go to the appointment anyway.