Take Notice

My daughter has been in the hospital for nearly a week now. Because of the move, my business trip, and now this, I've stayed in seven hotels, in the last three weeks.

I'm weary.

Last night my husband picked up my sons and took them back "home," leaving me at the Ronald McDonald House, with an empty stroller that he couldn't fit into his car.

My heart felt empty as I looked around at yet another unfamiliar place, full of unfamiliar people.

Who We Were All Meant To Be

Recently, The Littlest underwent a several hour long surgery, and then an extended stay in the Intensive Care Unit.

Although upon his birth it was believed that he had not inherited the genetic disorder that my family carries, it has now become relatively obvious that our initial reassurances were wrong.

Tonight, I was feeling especially worn out. There's a grieving process you go through, when you realize that the life you had planned for your child, might not be the one that they are going to lead.

Remember Always

The baby was fussing this morning, so my daughter climbed into bed and asked me to snuggle him up with her. "He just wants to feel safe and loved mom."

I look at her, loving on him, and the reality of her life hits me. Abandonment. Abuse. Trauma.

Knowing what her biological father did to her and her other brother. She watched him punch an infant in the face! And now, here we are, several years later, and she's giving her new sibling what was never given to her, by one of the people supposed to have protected her most.

It gives me hope for humanity. Hope for my children. Hope in a world that's teaching our children lessons that we are trying to protect them from.

Our kids know how to be good people. They all do. I just pray that they remember that when the world tries to teach them differently.

Remember always, that it's never too late to be the person that you intended to be, when you started out on this journey of life.

That Post Where We Talk About Why My Kids Think I'm A Fraud

The Boy Child is the kind of kid, that when his feet hit the ground in the morning, he takes off running and doesn't stop until after he is in bed at night.

But not that long ago, he surprised me by waking up and climbing into my bed to snuggle. Not wanting to waste any of that precious time, I took the opportunity to ask him a few questions about life.

"So buddy," I inquired. "Tell me about your friends at school. Who do you like to play with?"

"I play with Samuel" he replied. (Not his real name)

"Oh," I said, hoping for a bit more. "And what is Samuel like?"

Being six, The Boy Child went for the most obvious answer, and began to describe Samuel's physical appearance to me. "He has black skin and brown hair..."

Thinking that this might be the perfect time to expand on his observances, to include a discussion about looking past skin color, I said in my teaching-mom-voice, "isn't it neat that we all look different? The only thing that matters is" and then he interrupted me.

It Was An Accident, I Swear

OK. So something happened today.

You see, when the baby was born, he had kind of a folded ear. He must have been laying on it in the womb or something. No biggie, the ENT just taped it down for a few weeks. The worst part of it was that he needed to have a bit of his hair shaved off so that the tape would stick.

Anyway, the ear was fixed and the tape came off, but now he had a patch of hair missing, that just looked strange.

Welcome To The World Little One (Also Known As The Day I Screamed At Everyone)

Wow. These last few weeks have been quite the frenzy of activity, but what is life with a newborn if not a little bit hectic?

In the event that you missed my Facebook announcement, The Littlest joined our family on March 2nd. Tipping the scales at 7lbs 6oz, he was my biggest baby yet, but not at all the ginormous baby that the doctor had said I might expect.

Thank you Jesus.

Especially, because the labor and delivery was hard enough as it was.

P.S. I would like to speak to whomever conjured up the theory that so many have tossed my way in the last several months, when they said “being your third, this labor should be easy!” because that person lied.

LIES.

Seriously, lies.

With The Girl Child, I went from 1cm to having her in my arms, in nine minutes. Yes, truth. With The Boy Child, labor was six hours long, going from 6cm to in my arms, in less than 30 minutes.

With The Littlest?

FOURTEEN FREAKING HOURS.

By The Time You Read This...

Yesterday, my friend and I went out to celebrate my last day of freedom, before I have a baby to tend to again, because by the time many of you read this tomorrow (Friday), I will already be in the hospital, preparing to have The Littlest.

Yay!!

I really cannot believe that baby boy held out this long, but the day is here! I have so many feelings coming at me right now, and thanks to hormones, they all feel very overwhelming.

I’m excited.

I’m nervous.

I’m scared.

Because of my genetic disorder, I’m a high-risk delivery, with a known hemorrhage risk (remember that terrifying rhino-septoplasty I had?) and that's been weighing on my mind a lot, so please pray for me. My biggest fear is not one of dying, but one of leaving my children motherless.

But anyway, I’m getting morbid here and this is supposed to be a happy post!

THE BABY IS COMING!!!

Baby Update

**If the photos appear fuzzy, select the desktop view on your mobile device**

Is it just me, or have I been pregnant forever?

Because seriously, it feels like it’s been forever…

I’m 37 weeks pregnant, and I really can’t believe I made it this far. With my first two, I had preterm labor that landed me on bedrest a few months before my due date. So this time, when I ended up in the hospital at 21 weeks, contracting regularly, and scared out of my mind, I was sure that he was going to be born very, very, early.

But nope!

Now he doesn’t want to get out.

A Uniboat, A Big Ass Dog, And A Week With My Kids

It's been a while since I've let you all into the craziness that is my life with my particular two children, and I have to admit, I am still laughing at some of the things they've said this week. And since I've never been one to hold back the parts of me that make me look bad, I figured why the hell not share some of this with you, even though yea, it probably doesn't make me look the best.

Like any of you are perfect either.

Therefore I bring you, the next installment of "Conversations I Didn't Think I'd Be Having This Week: Kid Edition."

I went out with a friend the other night, and this is what The Guy sent me while I was gone. Looks like they had fun!

Monday: 

We are driving down the street, when The Boy Child excitedly yells out to everyone else in the car, "Look! A uniboat!"

Not having any idea what a uniboat is, I turn to my left, and see hanging in the window of a sporting goods store, a kayak; you know, a boat for one person.

In other words, a uniboat.

Right on little man!

Found him watching TV like this. Yep, seems normal.

Tuesday:

A Court Date, A DCFS Case, And A Cry For Help

"Do you know what makes you special, in a different way than the baby in mommy's tummy?" The Guy asked The Boy Child as he pulled him onto his lap.

"I'm better at building with Legos" The Boy Child replied, apparently confident in his six-year-old understanding of how the world works.

"Well, yes" The Guy replied, trying not to laugh, before asking "but do you know what makes me love you so much?"

"Because I'm your best buddy!" The Boy Child exclaimed, throwing his arms around The Guy's neck.

Hugging him back, The Guy explained "yes you are! You are my buddy, and what makes you so special to me, is that your brother is being born into our family, but I picked you to be mine. I met you, and I took a good long look at everything that makes you who you are, and I said to myself  'I want to be his daddy, because that's how much I love him.' Forever, and ever, and ever, you're mine, because out of all the little boys in the whole wide world, I picked you."

With The Boy Child in is arms, The Guy is showing him how to hold his candle during the Christmas church service.

******************

A couple weeks before Christmas, The Boy Child was injured, intentionally, by a respite care worker we had hired to keep him safe. And due to a pending investigation of her, I can't go into details, but this woman had worked for us for a couple months, had gone through a background check, interview, drug test, and CPR class, all through a respite care agency. Yet still, she harbored an anger streak that none of us knew about.

It Was All Fun And Games, Until His Tooth Was Pulled Out

So we've had a bit of a milestone around here: The Boy Child lost his first tooth!

About a week ago, he suddenly announced that he was no longer going to brush his teeth, because the dentist had told him to "brush the teeth you want to keep," and he wanted them to fall out.

While I couldn't argue with his logic in that, I reminded him of two things. One, being that even though the other kids in his class are losing their teeth, he is nearly a year younger than most of them. And second, the Tooth Fairy doesn't take rotten teeth.

He wasn't satisfied with either answer, which is why I was pretty happy when several days later he came home with his first loose tooth.

And it wasn't just a little loose, it was already dangling.

How did that happen so fast!?

Convinced that he wanted it out THAT NIGHT, he asked The Guy to pull it out for him. And although he was brave and didn't cry, I couldn't help but laugh at the facial expressions I captured as he progressed through the realization of what having a tooth pulled out, actually entails.

On Going To Court This Week, Pregnant

Not long ago, The Guy, the kids, and I were in the car. I can’t remember what we were talking about, but at some point I looked into the backseat, and saw that The Girl Child’s eyes were welling up with tears. When I asked her what was wrong, she didn’t answer me. Confused, The Guy repeated my question, and her response to him caught me completely off guard.

“You’re not my real daddy!”

She was visibly upset and by the quiver in her voice as well as the emotion packed behind her words, it was clear that her statement was something that she had been thinking about for a very long time.

Not wanting to jump the wrong way in the conversation, I asked her what she meant by that, and she surprised me with the simplicity of her answer.

Grand Finale

*If you are viewing on mobile, select the web version to de-fuzz the photos*

First We Were Three, 

And Then We Were Four.

Now We're Completing Our Family, 

By Adding One More!

I Like Your Fuzzy Balls Daddy, And Other Things You Never Want To Hear Your Children Say (A Lesson In Context)

So, after several weeks of living in a hotel after our house flooded, we finally came home on Sunday. Sure we don't have working appliances, bathroom doors, and a lot of other things that many people would consider a necessity in their house, but at least we are home where we will continue to rebuild.

But, before we left the hotel, this happened:

#IWillPostANoMakeUpSelfie  #IWillAlsoMakeItBlackAndWhite #BlackAndWhiteHidesMyPale

#NoShame  #Lies

And I laugh, because I am a dork, and then I look at my kids and laugh even harder, because poor kids, they are turning out just like me. And I can prove it, by sharing a week with you that we had right before our house flooded.

So, Our House Flooded

So, our house flooded.

And, it wasn't a tiny flood.

We are now living in a hotel.

Yep, and we've been here for a week already.

Thanks Boy Child.

I wasn't home when the flood occurred. I got a call from our babysitter saying that something had happened to the toilet on the third floor, and water was now dripping from the second floor ceiling. She said the water had stopped, she had wiped up the bathroom floor, and she put a pot under the leak in the ceiling.

Figuring that I'd need to open the drywall a bit and let it air out before I patched it, I wasn't too worried, but let's just say that some water dripping from the ceiling was the least of my worries once I got home.

Water, was EVERYWHERE.

This Is How We Roll...

If you remember from my last post, "Don't Tell Me I'm Losing My Son," I was having a difficult time finding joy amongst The Boy Child's complicated health situation. I felt like I was swimming, and swimming, and I wasn't getting anywhere, except closer to the bottom of the pool.

But, if you also recall, sitting there on the bottom, I realized that I needed a reminder that life is what I make of it.

In keeping with my desire to live intentionally, I looked back over my photos from the last couple of months, and suddenly, I was able to see things in a different light. Yes, there were times when The Guy found himself pulling a wagon, for a child that was too weak to walk, and there were nights when I went out with my friends, only because I knew that I needed to step out of "epilepsy" for a minute and take a breath. But looking back, I was able to see what I hadn't necessarily seen in that moment; joy, family, memories, and life.

I saw us living life, despite the fact that it wasn't always perfect.

So, since you've listened to me cry over the last few posts, I hope that you will join me in this one, while I take you back over the last few weeks to laugh, giggle, and smile with with us, as we live our lives. 

It Was Always Meant To Be

On Friday, The Boy Child was hooked up for an extended video EEG, which basically means that a bunch of electrodes were glued to his head, several EKG electrodes were placed on his back, and then an EEG machine was wrapped on top of his head, therefore making him look like a smurf. The box was then attached to a larger box that he had to wear around his waist, and then all of that was connected to an extremely heavy video monitor that would record everything he was doing, at all times.

He screamed hysterically the entire time the electrodes were being applied; more out of fear and frustration then any actual pain, and I can't say that I blame him. 

This has been a rough ride.

Please Pray For Us

Do you ever have those days where you feel so overwhelmed, that you don't feel like you can even think straight?

I'm having that month, and I'm not sure where to even start explaining.

Things have been a bit chaotic in the Strong household, and I'm spending more time crying and praying that I don't completely fall apart, than I would like to admit. And I know, it's not the most graceful or attractive way to portray myself right now, but it is what it is.

I'm struggling.

Pumpkins At Midnight

Five years ago, my ex took The Girl Child to a Daddy Daughter dance, and in the morning, he walked out of our lives forever.

Last Friday, exactly five years since that night, The Guy escorted The Girl Child to his very first Daddy Daughter Dance.

And although The Girl Child has been blessed with a "Stand-In Dad" for the dances in between the last one with her biological dad and this first one with The Guy, there is something extra special about being able to go with someone who won't say "goodbye" at the end of the night.

She has already had too many men in her life walk away from her.

My Ex Is Ruining My Marriage

Last Friday, she called me at 6am, 9am, 12pm, 4pm, and 2am, and then her family called me at 3pm and 7pm.

And she is just one of my many nonprofit clients.

I absolutely adore her and she is definitely one of my favorite clients, but she is going through some really tough things right now, and even though her life is not my own, I am beginning to feel emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted.

**********

For Christmas, The Guy gave The Boy Child a Ninja Turtle shaving set, and he couldn’t have been more thrilled.