It's That Time Again, Welcome To "Conversations I Didn't Think I Would Be Having This Week!"

I don't know about you, but I'm just not really sure if I even know what "normal" is anymore. I think it used to be some kind of goal that I was striving for, but at some point I gave up and settled comfortably into this:

Monday:

I was getting ready for work and out of the corner of my eye, I caught site of The Girl Child staring at me.

Me: "What?"

Her: "Are you sad that you only have like 30 more years of living left?"

Me: Stares at her in what must have been a shocked and somewhat annoyed looking expression.

Her: "What? I didn't say I was happy about it either."

Tuesday:

The route that we take to get to daycare has us go over a bridge and through an intersection. At the intersection the north/south street has a stop sign on either side, and the east/west street (the bridge) does not. So if you are coming off or going onto the bridge you don't have to stop, but if you are driving on the cross street you do.

Until now.

Another Round Of "Conversations I Didn't Think I Would Be Having This Week"

I hadn't done one of my "conversation" blog posts in a while, so I made it a point last week to take a note of at least one strange conversation I had a day, because let's be honest here, it's not like I'm getting any more normal.

Monday kicked itself off to a rocking start when I was at the Chiropractic office that I work at on Monday's (that's it, I'm going to have to make them a label, they have been on here like 5 times already). Anyway, one of the chiropractors and I were going to be hosting a table together at a local festival coming up in our area — him for his practice and I for the nonprofit, but together so that we could share the cost — and I needed to know some of the details for event. As I've mentioned in other posts, he has a very dry sense of humor that unless you know him, comes off as very blunt and unfriendly.

Game on.

Me: What time are you going to get there?

Him: When I get there.

Me: OK, well how will I know if you are there?

Him: Well, if you show up and you see a tent, I'm there. If you show up and you don't see a tent, I'm not there yet. (Chuckles to himself)

Me: Well look at you Mr. Funny Man, laughing at your own jokes, so proud of how funny you think you are with your witty comebacks.

Him: (Looking slightly embarrassed, he attempts to re-route the conversation) Don't wear black. It's going to be hot, so that shirt you are wearing right now, don't wear anything like that.

(Apparently now I need help dressing myself?)

Me: I'm not going to wear black, I'm going to wear tinfoil so that all of my sun will reflect onto you. At least that way when you are standing around with that grouchy statue-like face, you will have a nice Greek tan going on.

Him: I could absolutely see you wearing a tinfoil hat.

Me: Duh, how else will the mothership find me?

And then I turned around, left, and went home.

*****************************

Tuesday:

On Tuesday a good friend and I went to go see Magic Mike XXL in the theatre. 

(P.S. it was awful. I write better text messages than that entire team of writers did coming up with a plot line, but if you were just going to see the actor's bodies, well then step right up and buy a ticket because it did not disappoint)

After the movie my friend and I were sitting in the hallway of the theatre because neither of us were quite ready to go home yet but we didn't really have time to go anywhere else. I told her that we should take a selfie and commemorate a rare outing without kids, and then at the last second I turned and pretended to kiss her.

I Know I'm Being Irrational, But...

Hey, so as a follow up to the post "I'm Here" do you want to hear something that nearly caused me to fall out of bed when I saw it on Facebook?

Of course you do.

Alright so if you remember from that post, as I'm sure you do, my family throws an INSANE 4th of July party... it's huge... people come from all over... yadda yadda yadda (just click here if you want the rest of the story).

Ok so anyway take a look at the pictures I am going to post below. I know that you have already seen them in the post "the life that is lived here," and I'm sure you are tired of looking at pictures from where my family lives, but look at them again anyway. They were all taken at my family's houses, (aka the house that I lived in for a while or that other various family members own — yes, multiple family members live in the same neighborhood).

My Ex

Celebrate With Me!

**I'm going to pop in here real fast and say that by the time this hits most of your inbox's, The Boy Child will be in surgery. I'll try and update on Facebook, thanks for all your messages. I've been reading them to him and he thinks it's very funny that he is getting his own emails! His sister is jealous, and that's been giving him an evil little grin.**

I know I’ve mentioned it on here a few times before, but every Monday I work at a chiropractic office. Oddly enough one of the chiropractors there is a guy that I went to high school with, and although he is a really great guy, an amazing chiropractor, and an active supporter of my nonprofit, my spine prefers a different adjustment technique so I see someone else in the office. In fact I "broke up" with his services by telling him "You know when you're having sex with someone, and you can tell that they are trying, and you know that they are really putting in the effort, but no matter what they do, they just don't do ya right? Well, I think we'd be better off as friends."

Because that made it less awkward.

Not that awkward bothers me.

(Click here for the other times I've embarrassed this poor man, including the time I made him believe I was a stripper or when I caught him looking me up in his year book). 

In fact I don't remember him from high school at all, yet as part of an extended prank I'm pulling, I have convinced him that we did in fact know each other and that he was very mean to me. I'll have to let you know how this all pans out, but in the meantime, NO ONE TELL HIM.

(And also, random, but do you remember when I was trying to get Mr. Attorney Man to think I was getting him an office rodent? Why the hell does anyone stay in business with me??)

But anyway, so yes, chiropractor, work there on Monday’s, set stage: Chiropractor is sitting at the secretary’s desk looking at the computer and I’m standing roughly two feet away.

You Will Never Guess What I Saw Today (And I'm Not Sure You Want To)

I saw something at the gym today that was....well...

Ok, so you all know that I hit the gym pretty regularly. My family and I were lucky enough to get a scholarship slot at our local YMCA and I was pretty stoked because it has a state-of-the-art fitness center within it. Now when I was younger I remember going to the YMCA with my mother, and from what I recall it only had a racquetball court and what was pretty much the equivalent of a hotel fitness room, meaning there were a few spin bikes, a treadmill, some free weights, and that was about it.

The Y that is just a few minutes from my house is more like a stand alone gym that smashed into a community center. On one half they hold a preschool, have a teen center, daycare, family water park, small coffee bar, etc., and on the other half there is a weight room, cardio room, track, basketball courts, dance studios, lap pool, sauna, etc.

Why am I telling you this? Because I'm setting the stage to show you how strange the atmosphere can be sometimes. You have these huge muscly men and their protein shakes walking in with their wrists all taped up and what appears to be some obvious steroid use in effect, and they are walking past the moms sitting at the coffee bar waiting for their kids to get out of preschool, who are watching the senior citizens pop in for a sauna, and sometimes it's just strange.

Strange like the time I signed up for a deep water fitness class. "60 minutes in the deep end of the pool. Strengthen and tone while using the resistance of the water. Must be able to tread water for extended periods of time."  I'm envisioning an aerobics class where we tread water the entire time and from how that looks in my head, I'm thinking that sounds great, because workout + no sweating = AWESOME!!

I realized how very wrong I was when I showed up for the first class and was greeted by 20 senior citizens. I was at least 30 years younger than any other person there. Not only that, but we were all required to wear floaty belts. So there I was, me and 20 fake hips, wearing a Styrofoam belt, and doing scissor kicks in the water.

Because Normal Is For Boring People

So, yall want to hear about my weird week? Sure ya do, I know half of you tune in daily to watch the train wreck that is the life of one Miss Eden Strong.

I’m ok with that.

Monday: I dropped the kids off at daycare early so that I could run to the grocery store before work. Apparently 7am on a Monday morning is not prime shopping time. I feel fairly confident in making that statement seeing as how I was literally the only person in the store. Since no one else was there, I also felt fairly confident that I could ride my shopping cart as if it were a children’s scooter even faster than I normally do. As I stood at the beginning of a very long aisle, a little voice in my head said “Girl, I bet you could make it to the other end of the aisle with only three start off pushes. “

Yes Eden, challenge accepted.

After three start off pushes I was surprised at how fast I was actually going, a little bit proud even. I was also surprised that apparently at 7:10am other people enter the store. I almost took out an old lady that stepped into the aisle just as I was crossing the finish line. I did not hit her. I did however see her giving me “you are crazy eyes,” so I decided that it would be appropriate to wave at her and announce “HAPPY MONDAY” as if I were some kind of deranged Santa Claus.

Tuesday:  I’m one of those new age hippies that believes in natural healing and homeopathic treatments, so in a work services trade I clean a chiropractic office for a couple hours a week and in return they treat me and the kids for free. Everyone loves to keep the highway of your body healthy, am I right? Crazy? Eh, it’s all the same these days anyway.

Speaking of anyway, one of the chiropractors there is a guy that I went to high school with. He was a grade level higher than me and I’m fairly confident that we didn’t know each other. I am fairly confident of this because I don’t remember him and he must not remember me because he asked me for maiden name one day. “Oh and why is it that you would want that? Could you possibly be looking me up in your yearbook?” I asked him.