Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Why On Earth Would I Buy That?

This Christmas my kids and I were extremely blessed by many of you readers. Due to your generosity, my kids had an amazing Christmas. My daughter was able to get her Puppy Surprise and when the "litter" that arrived in my PO Box was so much more than I could have ever anticipated, my nonprofit pulled a team together to pay it forward and brighten the faces of the children in our organization; children whose families have been devastated by domestic violence and because of that are also financially struggling.

You guys really blew me away this holiday season and as I keep saying to people, I really don't even know what to say. I thought about writing another mushy-gushy post, but to be honest I have no more tears left to cry. I spent Christmas morning crying as I watched my children squeal with glee and I could see that for once, all their dreams were coming true, and then I cried because their dad wasn't around to see it. I cried when I collected the Puppy Surprise toys for the shelter; happy that so many kids would be thrilled, and then I cried because so many kids shouldn't even be in the shelter to begin with. I've spent many nights recently crying myself to sleep — scared as always for what tomorrow will bring, but also just because I feel so incredibly blessed.

I am so incredibly blessed.

But I simply cannot cry anymore and so in looking forward to the New Year, I want nothing more than to kick it off in the best way possible; LAUGHING! And so with that, here are a few things that I am happy did not show up in my PO Box this holiday season. In a spin off to our usual "Things That Make You Ask Why?" series, I bring you "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"


 Why is it so apparent that whoever designed this toy does not have children?

Because no kid has ever asked for a "make your own chandelier kit" and no parent has ever jumped at the chance to buy one. Do you know what kind of crafts I like my kids to do?

The ones that they can do alone.

Any toy that requires an electrician be present in order to play with it probably also comes with glitter.

Parents, you know what I'm talking about when I say glitter.



Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Well, That Never Happened

So I've been attempting and failing to get a new blog post out for DAYS now, and I'm finally waving the white flag. Between The Boy Child getting taken down by the stomach flu, The Girl Child getting hit in the face at daycare and needing stitches, a bunch of year end work that needed to be done for the nonprofit, multiple deadlines I've been trying to meet as my (writing) employers close out their year end publishing schedules, and a litany of other ridiculous yet time consuming events that have taken place over the last week, I fold.

Do you hear that universe? I fold, you win! I will never see my sofa again because you win!

Monday, December 14, 2015

A Better Way To Spend Your Time

“But no one will think I’m pretty!” she said, her 7 year old face starting to well up with tears.

Dressed as if she were going to be in an elementary school fashion show, she was wearing the dress that she begged me to stay up late last night and wash, enough plastic bracelets to accessorize the entire 2nd grade, my cherry Chapstick (because “maybe my friends will think it’s lipstick!”), and yet she still wouldn’t get out of the car.

Looking at the 7 year old face wearing the cherry red Chapstick that I would never normally allow her to wear to school, my mothering instincts wanted nothing more than to lock the car doors, and take her back home where I could protect her.

But I couldn’t do that and she knew it, because it was a conversation that had kept her and I up late many nights over the past few weeks; a conversation revolving around the fact that she didn’t want to wear her new leg braces to school.

My daughter has worn braces on her legs since she was two years old, but a year ago at the suggestion of her physical therapist, we decided to see how she would do without them, and for about nine months she did great!

But then she stopped doing so great.

After a trip to the doctor and a check-in with her old therapist, it was decided that she needed to go back in the braces overnight and for periods of time during the day. To say that my daughter was crushed would be the understatement of the century. Although braces for her won’t be a forever thing, she doesn’t care, because for her they are a “right now” thing and right now she is in 2nd grade where the kids are learning to judge each other on anything and everything.

She doesn’t want to be judged.

To her, she feels the way that every little girl wants to feel. She feels like a princess, a model, a singer, a dancer, a comedian, and a valedictorian. She is goofy, spunky, crazy, funny, smart, caring, precious, and loved. But when she looks in the mirror, she sees plastic that makes her feel “different, less than, and broken.” And when that reflection shines back at her it overpowers the princess wearing the cherry red Chapstick and 37 plastic bracelets, because she knows that when other people look at her, they aren’t going to be looking at her bracelets. She knows that the other kids (and even some adults) are going to be looking at her legs and that everything else that makes her who she is will become secondary to the one attribute that people will naturally focus on.

And it kills me.

Monday, December 7, 2015

A Week With My OTHER Weirdo

As most of you know from my Facebook post, The Boy Child had a surgical follow up appointment last week. It was a week sooner than it was supposed to be but I had noticed a couple of things that had alarmed me a little bit and I wanted the doctor to take a look at him. The doctor sent him for a couple of tests before he saw him and after going over the test results, the doctor informed me that unfortunately the surgery had not been a success. I was pretty bummed, but you know what?

I can't do anything about this.

There is absolutely nothing that I can do except to wait for him to heal enough that we will be able to try again, and when that time comes, we will get through it.

We will.

But that's not today. So for now I'm choosing to turn my attention elsewhere and so today we are not going to be talking about surgery. Nope, we are going to talk about the fact that my son is crazy.

Adorable, but a total nutcase.

I actually wrote the remainder of this post back in October (when I wrote about how strange his sister was), but I never got around to posting it, and I have to tell you, he gives his sister a run for her money in the weirdo department. At just 4 years old, when he isn't busy washing his hands with a used urinal cake, he is doing other things that are just plain strange.

This is what it's like living with him for a week:


"Let me show you the cut that I have on my finger."



Thursday, December 3, 2015

I'm Going To See My Family (Yep, You Read That Right)

I thought it was a Christmas card when I opened it.

If I had known, I would have prepared myself a bit more.

It wasn't a Christmas card, but rather an invite to my grandmother's 90th birthday party.

I know that a birthday party invitation doesn't seem all that scary, but when I haven't seen much of my family in nearly 3 years, the thought of seeing any of them  — let alone all of them at once — was enough to suck the air directly from my lungs and leave me gasping for breath, hoping that I didn't pass out.

I don't want to go to the party.

But I think I should.