Hi, I'm Here To Make You Uncomfortable

Have you seen the pictures that I have posted of myself on this blog before?

Well most of you have and let me tell you, a few aren't too happy about it.

Here, I'll give you a few examples so that you don't have to scour all 180 posts on this blog to find the ten or less that I'm talking about.

My covered boobs made it into "Conversations I Did Not Think I Would Be Having This Week."

You got a glimpse of my back and covered ass in the post "And Before I Knew It My Boobs Were On Facebook,"

I had a few tummy shots in "Things That Make You Ask Why." and then my body also made an appearance here and here, as well as an underwear shot here,

"How DARE Eden point out all of those scandalous photographs to us! What an attention whore!"

Are you annoyed yet? Because I can keep going if you want.

What if I were to add another photo?

What Is Sex Like After Rape?

As you guys know I’ve been a support group leader for sexual assault and domestic abuse victims for a while now. Aside from running general groups, I specialize in assisting sexual assault victims with regaining their sexuality.

Support groups are fantastic, amazing, wonderful places, but unfortunately they are oftentimes filled with women who have been so beaten down that they are too shy to speak up. They are feeling shame for what happened, shame for their bodies, and embarrassment for a crime that involved such a private act. Compound that with the fact that the leaders of the groups certainly don’t want trigger anyone by bringing up the whole “penis in vagina” topic that brought most of the women there in the first place, it leads to the fact that oftentimes sex after rape is just simply not talked about in many groups.

These women got forced into a sexual act and then no one wants to talk about what the next sexual encounter might be like. How scary to have the most terrifying event in your life take place and then have no one prep you for what might happen the next time you encounter a situation that while totally different, is kind of the same?

It occurred to me one day, while teaching strip class to assault survivors, that here I was assisting these women while they reclaimed their sexuality, and then I was sending them back out into their lives afraid to use that sexuality.

I let all the women know that I would be holding a special group specifically to talk about sex after rape and then left it up to them to decide if it was something they felt like they could benefit from.

They all showed up and then some.

Since this is a subject rarely talked about in most support groups, I’ll ask you, do you know what sex is like after rape?

Ok, I'll Admit It, Sometimes I'm Just Bad At Sex

Alright, so I've said it before, I've only had consensual sex with one person (gasp!) Whatever, I don't care. It's not like I couldn't if I wanted too, I just don't care to have a dick inside of me unless it's attached to a man that I am seriously committed too.

That's me, swimming against the mainstream as usual....

But, if you are willing to roll "sex" in with "sex acts," I would say that I have partaken in sexual experiences with several or possibly more than several boys. Sometimes though I feel like the experience I have to offer is a little bit strange, kinda twisted, not what my partner was expecting, and quite possibly something he would have wished to avoid.

I don't know about you guys, but my girlfriends and I love to talk about sex, I'll be honest, we do. The thing is somehow they all seem to be pulling off amazing TV porno sex every time they do it and me? Not so much. I'll admit that sometimes I'm just awful, but them, not so much. I seriously cannot be the only girl that sometimes just cannot get the job done.

So here my dear readers, is where you come in. Convince me that I am not the ugly duckling in a pond full of sexy swans and that you too sometimes fail at being sexy.

With that being said I am going to get this ball rolling by sharing a few of my own stories (some of which I shared in more detail in the post "Dates Where I Was On My Worst Behavior") and I'm hoping that you guys follow suit and post your own stories in the comments section.

The Sex Toys I Couldn't Get Rid Of

So here's a strange story for you....because really, let's be honest here, more than half of you tune in everyday to watch the train wreck that is me.

I'm totally ok with that.

Anyways, once upon a time almost exactly ten years ago, I had a bridal shower before getting married.

My ex worked with a woman who thought it would be funny to give me a giant box of the raunchiest sex toys one could possibly imagine, at my bridal shower. Not at the bachelorette party, oh no, at the bridal shower.

My grandmother and my mother watched me open anal beads, a penis pump, and things that I cannot even describe to you. Those were expression's I will never forget....

Sure, I'll Have Sex In The Parking Lot, Why Not?

Nothing like a little Monday morning conversation with your best friend.

Well, my date with Piano Man went well.

Obviously.

We went to a pretty nice place about 45 minutes from my house. I snuck this snazzy little picture for you guys while he was reading his menu:

You’re welcome.

I had a really nice time. The conversation never ceased and I’m pretty sure we spent the majority of the night laughing louder than twenty people in the entire restaurant combined. He has my same sarcastic sense of humor and we found ourselves finishing each other’s sentences with the same bizarre and uncommonly used phrases, proving that he is a good match for my ridiculous level of weirdness.

When dinner was over he asked if I wanted to take a walk in the little downtown area nearby, but my boy child had not been feeling well when I left the house, and my mommy heart really wanted to get home and check on him.

Piano Man said he understood and walked me to my car. It was about nine o'clock and when I had gotten to the restaurant the place was totally packed, leaving the only available spot around the back of the restaurant in a lot that was now empty.

Would You Ever "Sleep Your Way To The Top?"

After I posted the post  “And Before I Knew It My Boobs Were On The News”  I got quite a few emails asking what my opinion was on women using their sexuality to their advantage.

Now just because I write a blog, that does not in any way, shape, or form make me some kind of expert on women’s issues and sexuality, but since so many of you had questions, I figured I could give you my opinion and then open the comments section for everyone to voice theirs.

Let’s be honest here, sex is one of the major driving forces in our world. Hunger, thirst, sex, they are all things that people crave and they are things that heavily influence our decisions. Sex is so important to us that we have sex doctors, sex medications, sex toys, sex clubs, sex movies, sex everything, and yet sexuality is still so taboo. There is an obvious reason why companies choose sexually appealing people to model their cars, their clothes, their brands. There is a reason why good looking celebrities are splashed all over the front of magazines. Sex appeal very much has a place in this world and is a highly influential force in our lives. Many feminists are against women using their bodies for gain because it objectifies them and while I get that, I have a different take on the matter.

I'm Selling My Body

I was never nurtured into adulthood; I was dragged, kicked, and shoved until I got there. It wasn’t long after I turned 18 that I came home to find my parents putting boxes in my room and essentially telling me “we’re done, get out!” To be honest, I couldn’t fill those boxes fast enough and I did get out so fast I think the only thing you would have seen was the streak that was me fleeing from the hell hole I called home.

But before I moved out for good, I lived in a lot of different places. There were many nights after I just couldn’t take it anymore that I would climb out my bedroom window, completely unbeknownst to my parents, and head to the downtown area less than a mile from my house. There I would sleep under the bridge with the rest of my fellow “unwanteds,” and together we grew up. Street kids form a family unit that is unlike anything you can imagine unless you have lived it. 

Despite how accepted I was by the kids I met under the bridge, there was a distinctive difference between them and myself. Most of them had been subjected to horrors that differed from mine in such a way that theirs exposed them to the world. They watched their drug addicted mothers prostitute themselves and they visited their fathers in jail. They lived on the streets and in homeless shelters until their parents either disappeared completely or they ran away from whatever hellish foster home they were in and landed under the bridge. I on the other hand never experienced any of that because I grew up in almost complete isolation, never learning much outside of the four walls of my home. When I finally started running away from home I was so oblivious as to how the world worked that they took me in and fiercely protected me, knowing that I would never make it out there on my own.

I watched the kids around me fall prey to the ways of the streets. Girls became prostitutes and guys became drug dealers. I watched many fall into their own drug addictions and I unfortunately watched several lose their lives because of it. When you are a street kid, no one tells you that you can be anything. We didn’t sit around saying “I want to become a doctor. I want to become a lawyer.” We sat around hoping we made it to adulthood and beyond that we didn’t dare dream.

"Let's Talk About Sex Baby"

Ok, for my American counterparts, I have that really awful song by Salt N' Pepa running through my head. "Lets talk about sex baby, lets talk about you and me, lets talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, lets talk about sex."

Last night I ran a support group for sexual assault survivors, and the topic was sex. It was really interesting to hear what everyone was feeling. I think we can all agree that society has placed such standards on us in terms of sex. What is expected of us, what is not expected of us, what is, and is not appropriate, its a lot of pressure to live within the guidelines! One move in the wrong direction and you might be stamped with a rather unattractive label.

So, let's talk about sex.

In Which I Take My Clothes Off For Money

Now before you get your panties all in a bunch, simmer down and listen, it's not what you think. I don't take my clothes off for men. I take them off for women. And not just women, mostly, I take them off for myself.

Get over it.

That is the motto that runs rampant in the "Sexy Survivors" dance class that I teach. You don't like your butt? Get over it. You don't like your post baby belly? Get over it. Your boobs are too small? Too big? GET OVER IT.

You need to love yourself, your true authentic self, every part that makes you who you are, every piece of you that tells the story of your journey. They are all you. My belly shows that I have mothered two children, and I am damn proud of it. My thigh bears the cigarette burns from my abusive ex. There is a healed knife wound on my shoulder, so faint that you can only see it when I am tan and in the right light, but I am well aware that it is there. My ankles bear the scars from the time that this happened.