Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Because No One Ever Told Me

The first time I found myself standing in a courtroom was when I was 18 years old. 

Several months earlier I had broken up with a guy that I had been dating for two years. The break up was bad; so bad in fact that the next morning when the police showed up at my parent’s house looking for me, I realized how bad it had really been.

The night prior I had kicked my way out of the boyfriend’s locked car and run into a Walgreens for help. I left before the police showed up and then ran all the way home.

Standing there that morning with the police at my parent’s front door, I remember looking to my parents for help. I was terrified and embarrassed. I desperately wanted them to step in and save me.

The officer went on to explain that they had received a call that morning from the mother of the boy I had broken up with, stating that her son’s car was damaged. The now ex boyfriend had told his mother that I had damaged it during our break-up and the mother wanted to press charges. The police were suspicious because all the damage to the vehicle was on the inside of the car and in their words “typically the damage done in a nasty break-up is to the outside of a vehicle.”

Monday, October 20, 2014

I Am Just Not Cut Out For This

Two weeks ago my kids and I were invited to go to a pumpkin farm with a single mom friend, her three kids, and her parents. I'm all for pumpkin farms, I enjoy the seasonal festivities as much as the next girl, but I will admit, I have a slightly ulterior motive; A big part of me is in it for the quest of the perfect fall photo. So I dressed the kids up in their photo clothes (you mom's understand what I'm talking about, right?) and off we went to the farm.

For most of that day I would like to extend a gracious “thank you” to my friend and her family for their generosity. For the last thirty minutes of that day I would like to kindly extend a resounding “THANKS A LOT.”

The competition by my house is fierce when it comes to pumpkin farms. There is a farm on every corner and since they are seasonal attractions and only have a few weeks to draw in the crowds, each one tries to top the other. The one my friend’s parents took us to is what I would refer to as the "Cadillac of Pumpkin Farms." With everything from haunted houses to zombie rides, there is enough to keep you busy for an entire solid day.

We spent the day watching the kids climb on a fifteen foot spider web, clunk heads in the bounce houses, almost lose a tooth in the batting cage, ride a train until even the adults felt nauseous, pet some questionable looking farm animals, and stand in line for over 40 minutes to meet Elsa and Olaf. Why were Disney's "Frozen" characters at the farm? I don't know, seriously, I'm asking, why were the "Frozen" characters at the farm? (Now that's what you call rural competition. "So what if the farm next door has the world's largest pumpkin, we have ELSA.")

Anyways, everything was great until we got to the corn maze. By “corn maze” I am referring to the over five miles of corn that has been plowed into something that resembles a mouse maze in a science lab. The thing is so intense that not only do they make you sign in so that they can account for how many people go in and how many come out, they make you sign in with emergency contact numbers. That way if you disappear in there they can easily let your next of kin know where to find your dehydrated body come spring. They even ask that you have your phone fully charged and then they tell you how to find their emergency phone points where you can call and be like ‘I’M AT MILE TWO, SEND THE HELICOPTER!”

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Please Don't Forget About Us

Hi regular readers! Be aware that there were two blog posts today, so make sure you catch the one before this one as well!




Last Christmas the woman who runs the food pantry that I go to called me and told me that she was filling out paperwork to put the kids and I on their Angel Tree and said that she had to ask me a few questions. I told her that there must have been a mistake because I had not signed up for the Angel Tree Project. The Angel Tree is a Christmas tree that is placed in a public location. It is adorned with ornaments, each ornament holding the information of a family needing help.

“Oh no, there is no mistake. I knew you didn’t do it because you are so damn stubborn so I’m doing it for you,” said the booming voice on the other end of the phone; a voice that belongs to a woman who knows me better than I would like to admit.

I think my reply landed somewhere around “uh….yea, no thanks.”

“Eden! Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about your kids! What are you buying them for Christmas? I’ve watched you struggle for a year now and I want to make sure that you guys have a nice Christmas. Now don’t waste my time and answer my damn questions!” replied the voice in an even louder tone than before.

She actually scared me a little bit.

By the time the phone call was over I had let her know that both kids needed pants, the boy child needed crib sheets, the girl child needed gloves and a hat. She had also pried out of me that Barbie’s and tractor toys would be most appreciated. She still wouldn’t let me off the phone until I admitted that I myself needed socks, a spatula, and a frying pan.

She took my info, put it in an envelope, and hung it on their Angel Tree for someone to choose and then subsequently sponsor us for Christmas.

A week later she called me and told me that our family had been chosen and that the sponsors promised to take care of us for Christmas. I won’t lie, a relief swept over my heart and I had an extra kick in my step that day. It felt good to know that someone cared.

A few days later the Toys for Tots (a program that I had actually enrolled my kids in) pick-up day came around and I lugged my embarrassed face and weary heart to the pick-up location to receive whatever toy had been designated to my children. Imagine my surprise when we were given a very nice, very generous, kitchen play set….that we already had. I only let it disappoint me for a minute before I wrapped it up and dropped it off with another struggling single mom I know and wished them a very Merry Christmas.

“It was meant to be” I thought as I reminded myself that someone else was so graciously taking care of us that Christmas.

A week later I showed up bright and early at the Angel Tree Project pick-up day only to be told that the family sponsoring us hadn’t brought anything, but was told they had been contacted and had assured the food pantry that they would drop our items off the next day. The woman with the booming voice and kind heart told me that she would call me as soon as the items arrived.

The next day came and went without a call, as did the next day, and the next. On the fourth day I called the food pantry back and was greeted by the booming voice. “Eden! I was just going to call you. I talked to your sponsor this morning, she is extremely sorry, but assured us that the items will be here on Monday. I know Christmas is Wednesday and I know how busy you are, so I will drop everything at your house on Monday night after your kids go to bed.

Monday came and while I was waiting for my doorbell to ring, my phone rang instead. “Eden, I haven’t been able to get a hold of them, I’m really sorry. I don’t know what happened but I think it’s pretty clear that they aren’t going to be bringing you guys anything for Christmas.”

"Watch What You Say To Your Mother"

It was one of those mornings. You mom's know what I'm talking about, it was one of those mornings.

It all started with a banana.

I made breakfast for the kids, putting two waffles and a banana on each child's plate. As I went to hand the Girl Child her plate, she said to me in the snarkiest voice I have ever heard come out of her, "I don't want that banana."

"Ok" I said as I picked it up, turned around, and dropped it in the trashcan.

If she had been allowed to say "what the fuck!" I'm pretty sure that's exactly what she would have said because her jaw hit the floor like I've never seen before.

"Mom! Why did you do that!"

"You said you didn't want that banana. Problem solved."

"Well are you going to give me another one?" she said.

"Nope, I already made breakfast. You didn't want it, that's your problem, not mine."

Monday, October 13, 2014

Things I Never Expected To Learn At The Gynecologist

Gah, this was so awkward that it deserved it's own dedicated "Conversations That I Did Not Think I Would Be Having This Week" post.

This was so incredibly awkward.

So....I went to the gynecologist (is anyone else feeling awkward yet?). Nothing special, just couldn't convince the doctor to keep refilling my birth control prescription unless I actually came in for an exam.

The nurse weighed me, took my height (dudes, according to her I grew half an inch. I don't care if the scale is most likely wrong, I'm claiming it!!), took my blood pressure (83/60, they asked me if I needed to lie down. I did not.) Then the nurse told me to strip down to my socks, wrap myself in the twin bed sized paper towel they provided me with, and to chill out on the exam table while I waited for the doctor.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

I'm Not Ok Today

For as easily as words come to me, they aren't coming to me today. I don't know how I feel. I kind of feel happy that I survived a year. I feel like maybe I should be proud that I've learned so much. I feel angry that he was never caught. I'm extremely aware of all that was taken that night. I'm sad that my friends turned their backs on me. I can't believe how deeply, unimaginably, painful it all still is. I wish it didn't hurt so bad.

Gosh does it still hurt.

I don't know how I feel today.

I think today is a day that I am not ok.

Maybe tomorrow will feel better.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Your Text Messages Are Whacked

You all can thank Mr. Attorney Man for this post. He sent me a text the other day that said "this has been a strange round of texts today" and it caused me to pause and think "hum....well....this is actually pretty typical for me."

Now to be fair, I was kind of just messing with him. You see I had a copy of an article he wanted about our nonprofit and I was going to frame it and give it to him for his office, but....why just be nice when you have the opportunity to screw with someone a little bit first? See what I'm sayin'? So I decided that I was going to possibly lead him to the conclusion that I was getting him a stress relieving office rodent. He never caught on.....