Thursday, December 18, 2014

Make It Count

I have a best friend that has the same name as me. She parents almost exactly like me, even has her kids on nearly the same diet as mine. We shopped for maternity clothes together and when it came time to have our sons baptized, she stood in front of the church and led the congregation in prayer over my son and then I did the same for hers. I spent last Christmas with her side of the family and Halloween with her husband’s side. I feel more a part of their extended families than I have ever felt with my own family. Our schedules are different, our lives are hectic, I don’t see her as often as I would like, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about her. I trust her with my life and above that, I trust her with my children’s lives.

There are no two things more certain about me than the fact that I love my children and that I trust almost no one.

Last week I finalized my will and in the event of my death I left her the custody of my children.

Just weeks after my ex left, she came to me and I will never forget what she said. She said “Eden, I know this is weird and I don’t want to put you in a strange position and if you want to say no I will completely understand and this won’t change anything between us (she was rambling), but I wanted you to know that XXX (her husband) and I have been praying about this, we have talked to both of our families, and I want you to know, and you can say no and I won’t be offended, but if anything were to happen to you we would love to take your children.”

It was so awkward that I made some sort of joke about the fact that I have cute children and if I said “yes” was she going to kill me?

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Life In My House Is Strange

The other day I got out of the shower and found this dude standing in the bathroom. I looked at him and for a fleeting moment thought "this is strange" before immediately thinking "actually, this is fairly normal around here."

Kids are weird man. I mean there really is no two ways about it, they are weird!

My boy child recently announced to me that he was "too big for my bed so I now seep (sleep) on da for (the floor)."

He was apparently very serious about that.

Serious enough to commit to it night after night.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?

The Girl Child wanted to build a gingerbread house this year, but with our dietary restrictions the only place I could find a gluten and dairy free kit was online and it was $29, plus shipping, plus a several week delivery time.

Yea that's not happening. I don't really have the time to be baking gingerbread walls either, so...sorry kid.

A couple days later I was in the grocery store and just happened to walk past the largest marshmallows I have ever seen in my life. I stood there for a minute and started thinking about the ridiculous amount of cookies the food pantry had given us and the left over frosting and chocolate chips that I had from another project. I grabbed a bag of the ginormous marshmallows, a jar of marshmallow fluff, and headed home.

I decided that while we couldn't make a gingerbread house, we could make snowmen!

Be aware this was made by a 3 yr old so it's imperfectly perfect.

I have to say, not only do I think the project went well but the kids had a blast!!

Do you want to try it too? Of course you do! (I'm feeling a little over confident here)

What you will need:

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Did You Hear About The Tradition That Killed The Reindeer?

Christmas growing up in my household, like many households, was basically like living in the movie "Groundhog Day" only with a holiday twist. Every year it was the same cast, same scenery, same lines, except we all just kept getting older and there was a Christmas tree. My father, having Aspergers syndrome, was extremely set in his ways of thinking when it came to "this is how we do things."

So what that looked like was that every Christmas morning, year after year, my father would inevitably get upset with us moments upon our awakening and cancel Christmas. I'm not even kidding. My brothers and I used to take bets as to how far we would make it into the festivities before he canceled the holiday all together. Would it be 9am? 10am? Oh look there he goes,grumbling and yelling and canceling Christmas. The man seemed to be under the impression that if he deemed Christmas to be canceled, then it was. Inevitably Christmas would re-open for business a few hours later once he had calmed down and we would move onto more ridiculous traditions like the fact that every year he gave us socks.

Not just socks, but SOCKS.

Packages and packages of socks.

My brothers and I were utterly annoyed as children, because "yay, presents!! oh wait, just socks." We were so geared up for the disappointment of our Fruit of The Loom Christmas that we would shake all the packages before we opened them just so we could seek out the socks and open them first. No kid likes to get to their last present and have it be socks.

Then my father got smarter and started messing with us. He would wrap them in different sized boxes and add in a few random household items to throw us off.

"Oooo, this is a nice heavy box! I bet it's....oh wait. It's my mother's curling iron, a two pound weight, a few rocks from the backyard, and socks."

Monday, December 8, 2014

What Is Sex Like After Rape?

As you guys know I’ve been a support group leader for sexual assault and domestic abuse victims for a while now. Aside from running general groups, I specialize in assisting sexual assault victims with regaining their sexuality.

Support groups are fantastic, amazing, wonderful places, but unfortunately they are oftentimes filled with women who have been so beaten down that they are too shy to speak up. They are feeling shame for what happened, shame for their bodies, and embarrassment for a crime that involved such a private act. Compound that with the fact that the leaders of the groups certainly don’t want trigger anyone by bringing up the whole “penis in vagina” topic that brought most of the women there in the first place, it leads to the fact that oftentimes sex after rape is just simply not talked about in many groups.

These women got forced into a sexual act and then no one wants to talk about what the next sexual encounter might be like. How scary to have the most terrifying event in your life take place and then have no one prep you for what might happen the next time you encounter a situation that while totally different, is kind of the same?

It occurred to me one day, while teaching strip class to assault survivors, that here I was assisting these women while they reclaimed their sexuality, and then I was sending them back out into their lives afraid to use that sexuality.

I let all the women know that I would be holding a special group specifically to talk about sex after rape and then left it up to them to decide if it was something they felt like they could benefit from.

They all showed up and then some.

Since this is a subject rarely talked about in most support groups, I’ll ask you, do you know what sex is like after rape?

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Send Laundry Detergent

So, we had a lot of fun plans for this weekend, but instead we are doing this:

In case you don't know what that is exactly, I will explain it to you:

The Boy Child is sleeping next to a trashcan while I clean up all the places he marked his three year old territory with the stomach flu.

In other words, we are having a grand old time!

Seriously though, I'm over the germ factory we seem to be running around here. My only hope is that because my kids are in daycare and school that we are just catching everything right away and then will be good for the rest of winter.

A girl can hope, right??


Before I go though I wanted to leave you with two articles that I wrote. Typically I just pop in here and say something to the effect of "oh and hey if you are bored you can also check these out," but this week I feel a little stronger about these articles.

This one in particular "I Didn't Realize My Husband Had Raped Me On Our Wedding Night" was a tough one for me to write. I debated pulling it from my editor several times but in the end decided that if even one woman read it and was able to see what was going on in her own marriage, then it would be worth it. So if you don't mind reading and sharing, let's make it worth it!

Also, do you want to know my biggest pet peeve ever?

I would say that I'm a fairly easy going person but if you want to know a sure fire way to get my blood boiling, this would be it. "Sorry, You're NOT a Single Mom Just Because Your Husband Works A Lot." Seriously, stop claiming my title.

Well, I'm going to head back to washing bedding and cleaning carpet, so have a little fun for me this weekend ok?

In fact, guys in particular, TAKE NOTE.

"9 Really OBVIOUS Things We Wish You Did More Of In Bed."

Alright, I'm procrastinating now.

Laundry, barfy kids, here I come.

Yours Truly,

Very tired and totally grossed out,


Thursday, December 4, 2014

I Met The New Neighbors

So I met the new neighbors.

I was supposed to meet Frisbee Boy's Mom for lunch and she asked me to stop by her house first. When I got there she literally handed me a banana bread and said "I made this for your neighbors so go over there and meet them. Take this with you and don't tell them I made it."

I'm not used to listening to "adults" anymore so this "mom" thing she has going on these days is still new to me. Although, I have watched enough TV to know that at this point I'm supposed to say "ok, will do," and so I did.

That night shortly after I got home, I walked across the yard to my new neighbor's front door and rang the doorbell.

The next thing I know I can hear someone yelling and I, like a total idiot, am looking behind me, above me, and next to me, wondering who is making so much noise.

Then I hear the knocking.

I only then realize that the sound is coming from the window next to the front door, the window where some dude is knocking to get my attention and yelling "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" at me.

"Uh...I live next door, I uh..." and then he cut me off with "HOLD ON."

The door opens and a man with a long pointy beard and an eclectic sense of style is standing in the doorway. "Do you want to come in?" he asks me.

Um no, not really, because I'm a little freaked out now, but you know what? It's 13 degrees outside so I'm willing to risk it.