Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Hi, I'm Here To Make You Uncomfortable


Have you seen the pictures that I have posted of myself on this blog before?

Well most of you have and let me tell you, a few aren't too happy about it.

Here, I'll give you a few examples so that you don't have to scour all 180 posts on this blog to find the ten or less that I'm talking about.

My covered boobs made it into "Conversations I Did Not Think I Would Be Having This Week."

You got a glimpse of my back and covered ass in the post "And Before I Knew It My Boobs Were On Facebook,"

I had a few tummy shots in "Things That Make You Ask Why." and then my body also made an appearance here and here, as well as an underwear shot here,

"How DARE Eden point out all of those scandalous photographs to us! What an attention whore!"

Are you annoyed yet? Because I can keep going if you want.

What if I were to add another photo?

Sunday, January 25, 2015

I Forgot To Add This!!


I forgot to add this to yesterday's post!
(So if you haven't been on here for a few days there was a new post yesterday as well!)

I've gotten a lot of questions lately on different and random topics of my life and so I wanted to once again offer up the floor to reader questions! Feel free to ask anything you would like either by commenting on this post or emailing me at notmyshametobear@gmail.com.

The only thing I ask is that due to time constraints that these questions fall into a "general question about Eden's life" category rather than my perspective on something.

For example the two questions I've seen posted in the last day or so were "is the diet your kids are on doctor prescribed or something you have chosen to do?" and "how did you get started in dance?" 

So if you have anything like that, ask away!!

Don't wait too long, I will write up the answers this week and run them next weekend for  No Work Weekend!

Stay warm everyone!


Saturday, January 24, 2015

In Which It Takes A Half A Bottle Of Rum To Fix A Problem


It's No Work Weekend!! My Platonic Husband and I kicked it off with an attempt to make Strawberry Daiquiris. The funny thing is that every time someone comes over they say "Hey, what can I bring?" and what I really want to say is "Laundry detergent, dish soap, paper towels, and food for the kids," but that's obviously not what they meant so instead I find myself saying "oh, just bring something to drink and a snack." 

So in essence, "no, let's not think about how poor you are Eden, lets just drink and eat instead!"

Wait, isn't there a word for people who stuff their feelings down with food and drink alcohol while ignoring their real problems? 

Oh wait.

Never mind.

But anyways, we decided to make daiquiris and let's just say that it didn't exactly go as planned. I make daiquiris quite a bit so I have no idea what was going on, I think the mix just wasn't very good.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Things That Make You Ask "Why?" Part Nine


Wow, I think this is the longest we have gone without a "Things That Make You Ask "Why?" post. After the last few heavy posts I figure we need some cheering up here! So without further ado, I bring you the crazy, the strange, and the weird, all courtesy of my camera phone.

Why is this woman walking around with her hair in foil and wearing a salon cape? Because she came out of the hair salon, started walking towards my friends at I in Starbucks, and while we were thinking "that's smart, she is going to get a coffee while her hair sets," she surprised us all by walking into the liquor store instead. It was nine am. To each their own!



Sunday, January 18, 2015

Now That I've Had Time To Think...


I think I finally feel better today. It still hurts, but at least it's no longer that constant ache in my chest that causes me to tear up the moment my brain is not fully occupied by other more immediate thoughts.

It's funny that while they say the way to a man's heart is through food, food is how us women get you men out of ours. My friends have been loving on me in a very delicious way, so much so that I couldn't button my jeans this morning, which you know, made me feel so much better. 

Not. 

Apparently there is a limit to that logic.


Lemon tart anyone?

I have been thinking though, as much as I sometimes struggle to make sure my kids have enough food, maybe I should just start breaking up with people more often.

Just kidding.

Kind of...

This whole situation was rough and after I read some of the comments from the last post, it got even rougher because I started to doubt myself. Overall everyone was nice, offering respectful advice even if you thought I did the wrong thing, and I can definitely say that it gave me some perspectives that I had not thought of before. I didn't respond to each comment personally like I usually do because honestly, I'm just really emotionally drained right now. However, and I say this with all my heart, thank you for taking the time to let me know what you thought about the whole situation. It does me a lot of good to be able to view the bigger picture with the help of outside eyes and I truly appreciated all the time you guys put into offering me your advice. My lack of response was not because I wasn't reading the comments, it was because I was processing them.



I've had a few days to think about everything and while I know for a fact that many of you think I made the wrong choice, I am actually feeling more reaffirmed in my decision. I'm still hurt, still sad, still missing him more than I would like to admit, cried myself to sleep a few nights in a row, but yet I'm not willing to change my mind and call him.

You see the thing is, as I've said before, never give away what you can't live without. 

As I've come to realize through my own tears and talks with friends, it wasn't his issue with my kids that caused me to end things, but how it was handled. I expect men to go through a period of freaking out that they may one day become a father to two ready-made children. Not only do I expect it, I would be hesitant to date anyone that didn't freak out because I would be unsure if he really grasped the reality of the situation. So while I can easily accept his fears, the issue I had was with how his fears were being handled.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

This Is Not A Post I Wanted To Write

Well this isn't a post that I wanted to write so forgive my grammar, I'm writing during an ugly cry.

As I was writing the last post, the one about the philosophy guy, it really got me thinking that wow, he looks amazing, so why am I struggling so much in wanting to fully commit to him?

I can't believe how much has changed since I posted that blog on Monday night.

Everything with him and I has always been so easy. Even the few differences of opinion we had were settled openly, easily, and with an effort to compromise; so much so that he even commented on how nicely we"dispute" feelings. Yet still we hadn't really ever sat down and talked about the elephant in the room and as I was writing about it in the blog post, I realized how heavy it was weighing on my mind. As he went about his days discussing "our future," I was content to live in the moment and was actively striving to not look past a several week time frame.

But why!? This is what I wanted, this is exactly the kind of committed relationship I wanted, right?

Because we had yet to revisit the the topic of my children after he told me that the prospect of parenting my kids scared him.

So last night, I asked him.

We had one of those conversations that you know is going to be serious because it starts out with a sigh and is immediately followed by "we need to talk."

We did need to talk, because I needed some answers.

"How are you feeling about my kids?" I asked him.

Then the sigh came from him and my heart fell to the floor.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Hey, I'm Finally Telling You About The Boy.


So I met another boy.

Actually I met several of them, but none stuck like this one.

**(When I broke up with The Detective Whose Name I Do Not Like there was a delay in me posting about it, much like there has been a delay in telling you about this dude, so this dude has been around longer than it appears.)**

Before I got to this boy in particular though, there was a New Yorker who took me to dinner and kept telling the wait staff to "bring er whateva she wants! She wants a steak, giver da biggest one! (I did not want a steak) Ya like that sweetie? Get whateva ya want!" Awkward...

The New Yorker lasted only a few dates until we had a highly strained debate about hunting. Yep, hunting. He is an avid hunter, I am not. You want to eat Bambi's mom, fine, eat Bambi's mom. You want to kill a bunch of animals that you aren't even going to eat just so you can mount their heads in your living room, I don't even want to hear about it. I thought I was being pretty cool by telling him that we could have separate hobbies but I just don't want hunting to be one we share and he basically thought I was a moron.

He tried in ten different ways to convince me that animals don't have feelings and I tried in ten different ways to tell him that we can agree to disagree. He wouldn't drop the subject and after it finally got to the point one evening where I found myself gritting my teeth to keep from yelling at him that I know what it feels like to have my life at the mercy of another, that I know what real terror feels like, that I know what it feels like when the life is starting to drain from your body, and that sport hunting will never be one of my hobbies, I knew it was time to end things.

I did not yell at him that night but I did however block his number and never speak to him again.