Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Another Round Of "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?"

I had so much fun writing the "Why On Earth Would I Buy That?" post during Christmas, that I decided to do another one. Are you guys OK with that? I just feel like I come across so many strange things for sale, that I really want the rest of you to agree laugh with me that you would never buy that are unsure of its purpose.

Like this for example


I mean... really? REALLY? Because when I see this toilet, I see two things in your future: A divorce, or a codependency diagnosis.

Seriously, don't get your wife a double toilet, get her the most romantic card that you can find, like this one that I saw on sale last Valentine's Day:


I really just have one issue with this card: Everyone knows that "shiv" is a noun and the verb should have been "to shank."

Don't get me this card mkay? The grammar would kill me.

I'm just sayin', if you're going to sell something, use your words to come up with the best sales pitch that you can think of, like this person that I saw selling a basket on a local sales site:


He's right. With all those possibilities, how could you not want to buy his ginormous basket?

And if he hasn't sold you, or the price was too high ($999 was a bit steep), maybe this lady will because her sales pitch, if anything else, is unique.


You had better hurry, there's only seven nasty ass drinks left!

But don't worry, if you happen to miss out on the free drinks, I have something that will still brighten your day! Do you hate washing dishes?

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

You Deserve Better Than Settling


“What you want, and what you are willing to do to get it, are drastically different things. You need to decide if you are simply just wanting, or if you are really, truly, willing. Because you can say all day long that you want something, or that you want to make a change, but unless you are willing — right now in this moment — to take the steps that are necessary for that change, then you are forever going to be left simply ‘wanting’.”

My nonprofit has such a long waiting list of clients right now, that they far exceed the services that we have available. So for now, a lot of our clients are meeting with me in what I’m calling “support sessions,” since I can’t legally counsel anyone (and they know that I’m not a licensed counselor, it’s fully disclosed, and they meet with me at their own risk). But it was last week in the middle of a session, when I found myself telling a client that they need to choose "willing" over simply just "wanting," when the hypocrisy of my words hit me in the face so hard that I was barely able to finish the session with her.

I am a hypocrite.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

I'm So Angry!

Last week I was sitting in a left turn lane when a car attempted to pull out of a right-turn-only business exit, and make a left turn.

She didn’t make it.

She hit the back of my car, backed up, made a u-turn, and drove away. By the grace of God there were no other cars around, so I was able to make a legal u-turn and follow her to where she got stuck in traffic at a red light.

After snapping a picture of her license plate, I pulled into the lane next to her, beeped the horn, and motioned for her to pull over.

She laughed, basically flipped me off, and sped away.


Not wanting to kill myself while entering a high-speed chase down a very busy road, and unsure of what I would even do if I caught up with her (is it legal to run people off the road? I’m thinking probably not…), I simply pulled into the next business parking lot that I came across, and called the police.

The 911 dispatcher was all over it from the second she answered the phone. “What color was the SUV? Which direction was she traveling? What was the license plate number?” and within minutes an officer had pulled up next to me in the parking lot.

For the first time, I got out of the car to survey the damage she had done to my care, and I’m embarrassed to admit, it wasn’t much.


Whomp whomp.


Tuesday, August 30, 2016

They Just Never Stop Talking

I swear, my kids have been extra weird lately. Like not even the "typical" weird that I've gotten used to and come to expect, but a whole new level of weird that I was not even aware existed until recently.

Allow me to explain:

Sunday:

After catching sight of a male friend's hairy legs (it's finally shorts season!), I overheard The Boy Child asking his sister if she thought our friend was turning into a monster.

It's moments like this that cause me to realize what the lack of testosterone living in our house has done to The Boy Child.


#SorryKid

Monday:

I was putting my makeup on and very intently looking in the mirror, when The Boy Child came to the door and asked "Momma, will you put batteries in these?"

Turning to see what toys he was referring to, I was greeted by this:

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Eight Months Later...

So... I just realized that it's been like EIGHT MONTHS since I did one of those "and this is what we've been up to" posts. 

What the hell Eden, pull it together! 

With that being said, I just went back through my photo files from the last few months and I'm here to update all of you in a fashion that can only be described as "overwhelming."

For that, I apologize.

I know that a lot of you were relying on me to describe the free or low cost activities that we attend so that you could look for similar things in your area, and I completely dropped the ball! For that I really am sorry. Life just kind of got away from me and I'm going to back up that explanation by taking you all the way back to December and showing you how we have spent our weekends.

We started out the holidays by attending a free local Winter Wonderland thing with my kids, The Guy, and My Platonic Hubby and her family...

Can I just take a moment to brag about how The Girl Child has not gotten THREE years out of this dress? I'm impressed.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Words I Never Thought I'd Say


So….

After I wrote the post where I talked about what a horrible human being my ex is and why he will probably burn eternally in hell and how I don’t like him, I realized something when I said that The Guy I have been dating, stepped up and took care of my kids while I sat in bed and cried my eyes out.

I realized that I owe him a lot more on this blog than just the dramatic trilogy detailing his crazy female friend who hates me, and I think it’s time to rectify that. Because what you don’t know, is that he has been around for over a year, and has been personally dealing with all the crazy stuff that you have seen me going through. And I have to admit, he's done a pretty swell job of holding me up every step of the way.

So why haven’t I told you that much about him?

Because it terrifies me to put myself out there and be vulnerable again. 

I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life when it comes to men. My friends and the people around me have watched me fall, and it hasn't been pretty, and it hasn't felt good. In the same way, I feel embarrassed that I’ve come on here before, all excited about someone I have been dating, only to have to come back and explain why it didn’t work out and that guy is now gone. I didn’t want to solidify another man into the pages of my safe space within this blog, that I thought I might one day want to rip from my memory.

"Maybe," I thought, "if I don’t really talk about it, it won’t be so real; because real hurts you know. When things get real, hearts get invested, and when that happens, you’ve just given someone the power to hurt you."

I don’t know how much more hurt I can take.

So here, and "in real life," I didn’t invest myself into him, not right away anyway. We dated, he asked me what we were, and I told him “humans.” The term “boyfriend,” well that’s too much pressure for me. You see labels create expectations and expectations turn into dreams and future plans and that was all just a little bit too much to handle. In my life, people leave, so let’s just not look at tomorrow, OK? Let’s just try to get through today.

He wasn’t thrilled, but he was willing to give me the time that I needed in the space that I required, and so off we went; day by day. But then suddenly all those days rolled into weeks which turned into months, and then a year, and now here we are.

Invested.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

I Talked To My Ex's First "Wife," And I Got The Real Story Of The Man I Married

Like my creepy stalker eyes?

************

Alrighty, well, I've had some time to let the shock of my ex husband's new life settle in, and I have to say that I'm feeling much better. I mean it wasn't as if I hadn't suspected it in the past (I knew he was still with the woman that he had been cheating on me with and often commented to my friends that it would be really strange if my kids had siblings), but it was just the confirmation of it all, the announcement that my kids do in fact have siblings (GASP), and the realization of depth of his manipulation that knocked the wind out of my lungs.

But I'm good now.

About as good as I can be knowing that my violent, child abusing, potential child sex predator is living with a woman and two young girls, and that he has been using them to manipulate my life since he abandoned us.

So basically I'm not really feeling very good about that at all. I mean as far as the ex goes, well fuck him, but the part about his two young daughters, that's scary.

And after some really long talks with my friends and Mr. Attorney Man about what my options are to warn this poor woman of who she is really married too, the lies that he is probably feeding her, and the danger that he poses to her children... I still don't know what to do.

A picture from the post "The Post Where I Show You My Ex." 
If only I'd known what was coming; both when the picture was originally taken, and when I posted it on the blog two years ago. 

I know what I went through, and I know what my children went through, and I know what we have continued to go through day after day for years on end because of his actions. And I can't lie, I don't like this new wife of his. I know that I don't know her, but I'm sorry, I already don't like her. I can't help but feel angry at the role she has played in my life (she was dating a married man, and I have a hard time believing that she didn't know that), but woman to woman, mother to mother, I also can't help but fear for her safety and the future of her children.