Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Why Would I Buy That?

A few nights ago after I suffered a minor facial injury that I will take to the grave that I don't want to talk about, The Platonic Husband and I made plans to watch the comedy "The Sex Tape."

I'm the ugly peach color. For some reason it wouldn't let me crop the pics so they are haphazardly pasted together. Sorry!





And as usual, before we started the movie we started talking about everything under the sun, which was how I ended up telling her about these ridiculous clothes that Frisbee Boy's Mom had given me to try and sell (in all fairness they were also given to her, but still...)

"And there is no way anyone is going to buy these things," I explained to my Platonic Hubby. "Not unless I start shipping to the compound. I mean seriously, unless you are looking to go as a Duggar or an 80's inheritance queen for Halloween, no one is going to be buying these clothes."

So naturally, we decide that we must try them on.

Friday, May 22, 2015

He Is Still Hurting Me

I pulled into her driveway and waited for her to come out of the house. She did, slowly, and as she sunk into the passenger seat I could tell she had been crying. White knuckles gripping her purse as she whispered out a forced “hello” and then turned her head to stare out the window, clearly avoiding all conversation. I knew this was going to happen, I was prepared for it. I’ve seen it over and over again— same situation, different girl.


She’s scared, she has so many things running through her brain, so many things she needs to say, all burying her under the weight of the fear they bring.

So we don’t talk.

Now is not the time. She doesn’t need to talk right now, right now, she just needs to breathe. So she sits there, staring out the window, and I apologize for my singing before launching into a pre-selected playlist.

I’m sure she knows what I’m up to, just as so many before her have, but she doesn’t care, just like all the ones before her haven’t.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Celebrate With Me!

**I'm going to pop in here real fast and say that by the time this hits most of your inbox's, The Boy Child will be in surgery. I'll try and update on Facebook, thanks for all your messages. I've been reading them to him and he thinks it's very funny that he is getting his own emails! His sister is jealous, and that's been giving him an evil little grin.**

I know I’ve mentioned it on here a few times before, but every Monday I work at a chiropractic office. Oddly enough one of the chiropractors there is a guy that I went to high school with, and although he is a really great guy and an active supporter of my nonprofit, my spine isn't a fan of his adjustment technique, so I see someone else in the office. In fact I "broke up" with his services by telling him "You know when you're having sex with someone, and you can tell that they are trying, and you know that they are really putting in the effort, but no matter what they do, they just don't do ya right? Well, I think we'd be better off as friends."

Because that made it less awkward.

Not that awkward bothers me.

(Click here for the other times I've embarrassed this poor man, including the time I made him believe I was a stripper or when I caught him looking me up in his year book). 

In fact I don't remember him from high school at all, yet as part of an extended prank I'm pulling, I have convinced him that we did in fact know each other and that he was very mean to me. I'll have to let you know how this all pans out, but in the meantime, NO ONE TELL HIM.

(And also, random, but do you remember when I was trying to get Mr. Attorney Man to think I was getting him an office rodent? Why the hell does anyone stay in business with me??)


But anyway, so yes, chiropractor, work there on Monday’s, set stage: Chiropractor is sitting at the secretary’s desk looking at the computer and I’m standing roughly two feet away.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Upcoming Surgery This Week


Talk about a whirlwind of a weekend!! Geesh. Is it Friday yet???

Oh no wait. Friday just passed.

Wowzers.

My Friday night ended like this:


A few friends brought tasty things and came over to chill out after a long week, and trust me when I say that it was a LONG week.

Aside from the regular grind of work/school/daycare/dance, I had to spend a little time at the cardiologist. Because I am a medical mutant and there are like 2 other people on the planet besides my kids and I that have the disorder that we have, I spend a lot of time letting doctors and med students analyze me. It really is a great set-up because the doctors get the chance to analyze a Real! Live! Freak! and I get access to medical care that medicaid otherwise wouldn't cover.


Friday, May 15, 2015

How To Ignore People: Lessons From The Checkout Line


I went grocery shopping today.


As I stood in line waiting to checkout, I looked over my items and I felt pretty confident in my purchases. I say "confident" because that's exactly the opposite of how I feel most of the time in the grocery store, but today, today I felt good.

I had two heads of lettuce, a cantaloupe, a bunch of bananas, 8 yogurts, two bags of cheese, 4 quarts of almond milk, two bags of pretzels, two packages of tortillas, 3 cans of beans, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Ok, I didn't have that last one, but I did have a pear. 4 of them actually.

So anyway, I looked over my cart and I felt good. I felt good because there was nothing in there that I felt would warrant people to judge me. If you have ever been on food stamps, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about what I refer to as a "splurge item." It's that box of cookies you buy so that your daughter doesn't feel left out in the cafeteria in school. It's the single serving of candy that your son earned from completing his chore chart. It's the ice cream you buy for yourself because your life sucks and sometimes you just want to forget about it and eat ice cream. Sometimes it's even the over priced gluten free bread that you buy because your family can't eat wheat. It's any of those things or the 900 million other items that people deem as unacceptable the second they see you pull out your food stamp card.

But today, today I had none of that.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

And So The Adventure Begins!

This past month and a half has been a whirlwind to say the least. I'm not sure I have ever felt as far behind on... everything, as I have in the last few weeks, but overall I have to say that things have (finally) been going fairly well in a lot of ways.

First off, after Mr. Attorney Man put in hours upon hours of phone calls (I'd be lost without him), and I myself called my state representative, my state senator, and every other number I could get my hands on, the child support office finally got my paperwork fixed about 80% of the way. It's still not perfect, but at this point I'll take it.

With that I set about working to get my benefits reinstated. The Child Care office came through like a champ, and food stamps weren't far behind. They only reinstated me at about 80% of my original benefits because of the continued error with the Child Support Office, but hey, 80% is better than 0!


Sunday, May 10, 2015

Having A Pretend Mom Rocks

Hey all, so it's Mother's Day over here in the US, and as many of you probably remember, I typically hate Mother's Day.

VERY MUCH DISLIKE.



But, I've made a little bit of progress. Last year not only was I pissed that I am a single mother, but I was also pissed that I didn't have a mother. Now although I'm still a single mother, and I still don't have a "real" mother, what I do have is a pretty darn good stand in for a mother, and as I've come to realize over the last year, having a surrogate mom is way cooler than having a biological mom.  It's obviously not the same as having a real mom, no comparison in many areas, but in the fun area having a surrogate mom can sometimes take the cake!

Frisbee Boy's Mom reads this blog as you know and after she read a few of my recent posts she gave me a call saying that we needed to go out to lunch asap because "you need a stiff drink."

See, how can you not like her??