So this week has definitely tested my willpower in self restraint. The trolls, or as I am more inclined to think, the troll who is assuming multiple "anonymous" personalities, have been coming at me hard. Questioning what I say, demanding proof that I am who I say I am, and just generally feeling entitled to know every single detail about my life.
I thought about how to handle this situation quite a bit. The lesser in me wanted to write up a nasty post and give you the name and phone number of one particular Troll who is demanding that I call her and return the favor by exposing myself. Luckily, I thought better of that.
So after much thought and internal debate, This is the conclusion that I have come too:
I am an anonymous writer and will remain an anonymous writer. There are several reasons why I choose to write anonymously. First and foremost is the protection of my children. What kind of mother would I be if I publicly announced that my children's father was a rapist and then sent them off to school? My life and my history is intricately tied to their lives and their history. My stories are their stories and they will be their stories to tell to whom and when they wish to share them. I have no right sharing with the world things that are a direct reflection on their identities. Secondly, safety. I choose to bare my soul here, every part of me. There needs to be some barrier of safety for me and my family.
By choosing to remain anonymous, I understand that some people will doubt who I am. I also understand that this is extremely baiting to Troll's. As I have learned this week, defending myself is fruitless. It's never ending. No amount of proof is enough. A question is asked, I give an answer. The topic is changed to another question, I give an answer. Eventually we reach a question where even more proof is demanded and I refuse to give it because it is personal. The Troll cheers and claims victory that I must be lying. Some things, short of scanning and posting police reports or medical records, cannot be proved on here. Even if I did that, then what? You want a copy of my drivers license to prove that its my report? Let's say I reveal my identity. Is that proof? Would you like to dig through my sealed childhood records? Talk to my ex? Shall I put my mother on the phone? There will never be enough proof in the world to satisfy everyone.
With that being said, I am done defending myself. I wasted more time and energy this week defending myself in the comments to one particular Troll, than writing about the things that I started this blog for. I don't owe anyone anything. I am a single, struggling mother, a broken person trying to heal, and yet I am trying to heal publicly to let others know that they are not alone. I am LOVING seeing all of the survivors gathering in the comments, and I am feeling so blessed to be gaining so much insight from so many wonderful advisers on here.
I won't be wasting anymore energy on the doubters. I have the option of turning the blog comments into "approved only" comments, where when a comment is submitted, it requires my approval before it is posted. I am not doing that. I truly don't believe in censoring out the doubters. They are welcome to come, as long as they are polite. With that being said, this is still my blog and I will delete comments that are harassing, derogatory, attacking other commenter's, and postings of the same exact troll comments on multiple blog posts.
Now, because I am so nice, I will even save the Tolls the trouble, and I will point out the things that they want you to be aware of. Hopefully this will make the Trolls happy. See, aren't I nice?
I am an anonymous blogger.
I have had multiple hardships in my life.
Some of them, actually, most of them, are quite unbelievable.
There have been several literary scam artists in the past, who specifically went after the feelings of others using stories that contained hardships.
I am could be one of them (I'm not.)
So, as the Trolls would love to warn you, I just have.
If you choose to stick around, I would love to have you. If you don't believe me, you are welcome to move on. I will miss you but I hope you find a place you feel more comfortable in.
Any further Troll comments, will be replied to with the link to this posting.
It's not that I am avoiding questions or dodging the truth, its just that I will NEVER win. Every bit of proof is followed by a demand for more. I am a blogger, but I am a person and a mother first. I am not willing to expose my children to the world or compromise the safety of myself and my kids. I will pull the blog down before I will put my identity and the identity of my children on the Internet. If that doesn't sit right with you, I'm sorry.
For those of you that choose to continue along in my journey of healing, I am blessed to have you, and I hope that you are able to find this as a healing place for you as well.