Sunday, January 19, 2014

Stories From The Ex

My brain still feels like it's in lala land, I think losing so much blood has really thrown my body for a loop, so today I bring you a pre-written post. So glad I stocked up on a few of these before my surgery. Enjoy!!

Stories from the ex, everyone has at least a few that stand out in your mind, am I wrong? I didn't think so. So, because I am so awesome, I figured I would share with you, a few of the best/worst times with my ex husband.

Now I could go on and on about the little stories, like the time that I found him passed out halfway in and halfway out of an elevator, in a luxury penthouse suite on the beach, and after dragging his ass back to the room, he disappeared again. My brother, afraid that my ex might drown in the ocean, raced down to the front desk and asked "Did you see my brother-in-law stumble by here!? He is totally....sleepwalking....and we don't want him to drown!"

Or I could tell you about the time that I stayed awake for three weeks straight with our special needs newborn daughter and threatened my ex that if he went to sleep and didn't help me, he would wake up with a mustache. I even asked him "Handlebar, or Hitler?" He didn't believe me. Four days later he FINALLY noticed he had a handlebar mustache drawn on with permanent marker, purple finger nails, and one less eyebrow. If those four days don't let you know that his personal hygiene was slipping into the meth world (that I was unaware of), then I don't know what does.





But, I also won't go into details about the little stories, like the fact that he used to fall down the stairs everyday. Like seriously, everyday. I would just hear thud thud thud thud thud and my daughter would say "there goes daddy again."

So instead, I'll just tell you a few of the best stories.

Who Doesn't Like Cheese?

My ex always thought he knew better than me. One day, he wanted to go fishing. I have an absolute phobia of fish. Their eyes freak the fucking hell out of me. They don't blink. That is just not natural. I once had to watch a fish for a friend, and I was completely convinced that this fish was reading my mind so that it could gather information and steal my soul. Well, maybe not that extreme, but still, it was staring at me. So I kept a towel over it and had a neighbor come feed it everyday because I literally could not look at this fish. But I digress. So anyways, my ex wanted to go fishing, and because I strive to make people happy, I went all over town looking for the worms he requested. Did you know that they sell worms in vending machines!? What the hell!? So I buy said worms, and I show up at my families boat dock, and the dude is decked out in fishing gear. Like the hat, the vest, and every other bad movie character I have ever seen in my life. Have you ever seen a meth dealer in fishing gear? Its about as awkward as awkward gets.

He starts getting all his stuff put together, and I'm waiting, sort of like expecting my man to take care of me. Did he? No. Of course not. He looks at me and says "If you want to fish, you are putting the worm on the hook yourself, and you are taking the fish off yourself." Ok, I won't fish. No problem. Then he flips out because I'm ruining his fun. Dude, I may be kind of a brash bitch sometimes, but I'm still a chick. I don't want to gut any worms, and I don't want to touch any yucky water, and I don't want any fish looking at me. How about I just sit here and cheer you on. No. He smacks the shit out of me.

I'm still standing firm on this whole "I'm not touching worms" thing, so I dig through the cooler and I find some slices of American cheese, and some string that was in the boat. I rip up the cheese and chuck it into the water. The fish immediately go crazy, so I just dip the hookless string into the water, and the fish start biting it! Hell, this might actually work. The fish are so confused by the oil on the water, that they are biting the string. So one bites, I yank it out onto the dock. Dip it back in, yank another onto the dock. At the end of the day, total tally: Ex with crazy insane fishing gear and real bait and hook: ZERO. Me with cheese and string: SEVENTEEN. Yes, I am still gloating a little bit.



Hello Jesus

Speaking of fish, one year on vacation, we went swimming with the sharks. I had told him before we even got there that I was not going, but I would take pictures of him. If I haven't been clear enough already, I HATE FISH. Like I passed up a free cruise because I couldn't stand the thought of being surrounded by fish. Like I will take the long way around the grocery store just to be able to avoid the fish tank by the cereal aisle. I hate fish. I really freaking hate fish.

The morning of the shark swim, my ex, as usual, lost his shit. Basically told me everything that he knew would break me down and make me feel as though my life might actually be better if the damn shark just ate me and ended it all. He also tells me that they are just tiny little sharks, and to toughen up and stop being such a little bitch. Finally, I am beaten into submission agree to go.

We get there, and we listen to all of the instructions such as "whatever you do, do not touch the coral because it is very sharp, and if it cuts you, you will probably get a staph infection, and you will most likely probably actually die." Ok. I won't touch the coral.

As I am putting my mask on, I totally freak out. Like I'm sitting there and I'm trying not to let anyone see how hard I am actually crying, and asking my ex to hold my hand, and nope. He jumps in and never looks back.



At this point, I have no where to go but in, so in I go. Immediately my mask fills up with saltwater. I peel its suctioned grip off my face, only to be hit in the face by a shark. A freaking shark hit me in the face with its GIANT FREAKING SHARK BODY. Baby shark my ass! This shark was at least five feet long. I flip the freak out. I go from internally freaking out, to an absolute public youtube sensational level of FREAKING THE FLIP OUT. I start panicking and I remember every safety measure that the trainer told me. So then of course, I naturally react in exactly the wrong way. Obviously that means I grab onto the coral. Great one moron. Split my knee wide open. Now, I'm bleeding during the shark swim. Why don't I just swim directly into the sharks mouth? Well this just tops the highlight reel of my life right here people.

I begin to swim like the shark is actually nipping at my heels until I have hit the sandy shore of life. I climb out and I kid you not, I am actually lying on the sand as if I have just survived a near death experience. I am waiting for bright lights and a hand to reach out of the sky and assist my ascent into heaven. Nothing. Then I hear "Well hello Jesus." I look up and a life guard is standing over me. "Huh?" I ask him. If this is heaven, I really thought the life guards would be hotter. Also, I didn't think I would be Jesus. Kinda assumed the position was already filled....

"I said, hello Jesus. I've never actually seen anyone walk on water before," says the un hot life guard. Oh great. I'm dying and this dude thinks he's funny. Fabulous. Through my hyperventilated breaths, I manage to eek out "Those sharks are huge! I thought they were supposed to be babies!!!!"

"Babies? Some of those sharks are over seven feet long" says the un hot life guard. "Yea, thanks, I noticed dude. "How do you keep them from eating people" is echoed out of my body in an alarming tone. He looks at me like I am a total moron and replies quite seriously, "we keep them overfed." "Overfed! You keep them OVERFED! I have been to a buffet before buddy! Where I think I can't eat one more bite and then I pass the desert table and I'm like "Meh, I have room."

Two hours later, my ex finally comes ashore. "Oh, you weren't swimming?" he asks me. So nice to have been missed.

Man's Work

Let's see, well, there was the time he put liquid dish soap in the dishwasher and when we came home, the house literally looked like something out of a comedy movie. We were met at the front door with suds up to my knees. TO. MY. KNEES. It took us hours to essentially melt them down in the bathtub. I was not too pleased.




When I was pregnant with my daughter, my ex decided to put a border up on her bedroom walls in the nursery. I walked in there just as he was starting and was about to point something out to him, when he started screaming at me that this was man's work, I had no business telling a man what to do, and then he hit me. I went back downstairs and let him work. Four hours later when he was done, he called me into the room. "See! I didn't need your damn fucking help. You just don't know your place, do you? Now take a look and apologize for doubting me," he said. So I looked around the room, I told him he had done a great job getting it straight and that it was awesome that were were no bubbles in it, but, what was he intending to do about the fact that it was upside down? Hehehe. He was none to pleased. I, on the other hand, found this to be quite hilarious.

Well, that's it for now, but if you are nice, there are more where those came from :)

Please share your best ex or even current partner stories in the comments section, I could use a good laugh!!





Photo Credit Mustache: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mogus/
Photo Credit Cheese: http://www.flickr.com/photos/matupplevelser/
Photo Credit Shark: http://www.flickr.com/photos/22032337@N02/
Photo Credit Fountain: http://www.flickr.com/photos/clith/

37 comments:

  1. First of all you have such a wicked sense of humour! I'd imagine some of it must of been terrifying at the time but I laughed the whole way through this post especially the swimming with sharks! I lost it with this bit "Why don't I just swim directly into the sharks mouth."

    It totally sounds like a predicament I'd get myself into too. Second of all I'm so sorry to hear about your complications with the blood lost from your surgery I've just read your previous posts. I do hope you feel better soon! On the topic of red hair my family are also Irish background so we have a few red heads in there. I did not know that they couldn't tolerate going under anaesthesia well. I don't have red hair though I have the almost back hair along with the extremely pale skin and bright blue eyes. So I cook out in the sun too!

    As for ex stories I also went straight from abusive childhood into the claws of a psychopathic Idiot boyfriend was with him for three years. No kids I'm 24 turning 25 now.

    He did a number of stupid things, during our relationship. One being he was big on the whole DIY thing so he decided to build a kennel for the dog. Anyway he started using one of those circular saw things that plug into a power socket to cut the wood into the 'right' shape.
    So here's the idiot going along with his business next minute our entire power in the house cuts out. I go running out to see him on his arse on the ground looking dazed and the power tool he was using minus the cord.

    Turns out the he had cut the cable with the saw! As in the cable that was plugged into the power point....yeah I have no idea how he did that. Miracle he didn't get fried.

    That's the best I have there was another time he tried to chop up fire wood as we lived in a country area at the time. He ended up slicing half his finger open ... So yes him and sharpe objects certainly didn't mix.
    Oh and the dog we had was a German Shepard. Which I kept and took with me when I left the relationship and then put up with 2 years of him stalking me. Having a guard dog comes in handy now lol.

    Anyway take care! Hope you feel better soon. Awesome posts as always. :)


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    1. Are we sad that your ex didn't electrocute himself? Lol. Just kidding. At least you got the dog!!! That's a plus!!!

      I'm telling you, some people just make you shake your head and wonder how they made it too adulthood. Thanks for the good laughs hun!!!

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    2. OMGosh Louise, my ex did the same thing! I wasn't home when it happened tho but I noticed the BRAND NEW saw we had (DeWalt of course...had to have the best.no doubt...used it twice, maybe?!?) just bought had black tape on the cord and I asked him what happened...he just looked at me so I quietly walked away! lol

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  2. Love the story about the border! Sounds like something mine (who is not abusive at all but can be all "I'm the guy and know what I'm doing"!) would do. He had a habit, especially in our early married life, of buying me Christmas gifts that he wanted. One Christmas, when our kids were very small, he bought me a video camera. First off, I had never wanted a video camera. Second, this was around 25 years ago when the video cameras looked like something a TV cameraman would carry, large, bulky and balanced on a large man's shoulder. Third, at the time I weighed all of 110 lbs and could barely lift the thing! It became a standing joke (and still is) in the family that any gift Dad buys Mom is something he wants in some way! He doesn't REALLY do it anymore but the stigma has stayed with him!

    And another note, about the whole red haired thing...I am also a bit of a redhead and of Irish heritage. I, too, have had problems with anesthetic. But more interesting to me is that my father in law, a dentist, plus another doctor I know both said that redheads bleed more copiously and are more likely to hemorrhage! My father in law hated doing any type of surgical dental procedure on redheads.

    Hang in there, feel better soon, I am praying for you!

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    1. Oh my gosh, what is it with men buying gifts for "us!?" For the only birthday he ever bought me a gift, he got me a video game system, complete with race car and gun games, and racecar remote control. What on earth am I going to do with that!? Or the Christmas I got nothing but underwear and he was expecting a fashion show. (Shakes head).

      That is funny about the camera!

      Its strange how many people have commented on the red hair and anesthesia. I wish I would have known that earlier in life!

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  3. I have absolutely nothing that could top the fish story. The only reason I've caught more fish than you is because I have fish tanks and use a net when I clean the tanks. :D

    My sort-of-ex has more than a few brains in his head and he's not macho, so we rarely have comedy at the level you've been used to. The only story is about my dad, who was making salad one day for supper. Now my dad is very much of the "get out of my way when I'm working" school. My youngest brother, however, wasn't buying it.

    "Dad..."

    "Shut up! Can't you see I'm making dinner."

    "But Dad!"

    "Quiet!"

    "Dad, you just put bleach in the salad!"

    Yep, the bleach and vinegar were in similarly shaped bottles, and sitting next to one another under the counter (don't do this at home, folks!), and my dad hadn't looked when he pulled the bottle out. It's a really good thing my brother noticed BEFORE we ate the salad, though.

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    1. Oh my gosh, that is TOO funny. Love it. Thanks for the good laugh!! Gotta love a little dose of reality huh?

      I also like your fishnet joke ;)

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  4. Could you do a post about more stories from your childhood?

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    1. Absolutely. Thank you for the suggestion. Give me a little time to recover from my surgical haze and I promise to post one :)

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  5. Today is the day! I hope you feel much better after they remove that glue/stuff that has bothered your swallowing and eardrums so much. If you read this before you go to the doctor's office, TAKE SOME PAIN MEDICINE BEFORE YOU GO! You may not have needed it up to this point; but, you may very well need it today. Keep on taking good care of yourself. Looking forward to hearing how everything went. Hugs and love from the east coast (bracing for a whole eight inches of snow today - everyone is losing their minds over here) LOL

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    1. I totally read this as I was walking out the door, and actually walked back in to grab pain meds. You, my friend, are a genius!! Thanks for the tip!

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  6. My first ex jumped out of second story window, landed on his feet and shattered his feet and ankles. I don't even remember why, other than that he was trying to control me.

    He moved me completely across the country (from NC to San Diego), where I would work and support him while he went to school. I met people I liked at work who were going camping out of town and invited me. I told ex I was going. He said no, but I was going to go anyway. I go to work that night (I was a server).

    He calls the kitchen mid-shift, but I can't take phone calls while I'm working. They ask him to leave a message, but he won't. I come home and the place is empty, but: 1) the front door is kicked in, 2) belongings are strewn everywhere, and worst of all 3) the bathroom is covered in bloody shit and vomit.

    He drank antifreeze and then called the paramedics...you know, so I wouldn't go camping.

    That's when I left him: I drug nearly everything in that tiny studio down to the curb and had a fire sale. I made enough money to buy a plane ticket and left without ever saying goodbye.

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    1. P.S.: He survived, not that I knew or cared about that when I left.

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    2. Wow, now THAT is a crazy story!! Even with my own crazy life, stories like that never cease to amaze me. ((shakes head))

      I am SO proud of you for getting out of that! I hope you are in a good place now :)

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    3. To be honest, my next ex was a recovering heroin addict who relapsed hard in the middle of our relationship. He was a terrible addict too; ODing every 7-10 days.

      My third ex: well, I was trying to come up with a funny or entertaining story about him, but couldn't. He was just so controlling and abusive. He got so mad that he couldn't make his laptop work that he anihilated it, leaving tiny shards of computer screen everywhere. Then left the house for me to clean it up, because that's my job as a woman.

      Another time, we had a fight in the car just before going in the house. He had been driving my car with my house keys on the keychain. He got mad and took off on foot with all my keys and my phone, which he jerked out of my hand before he left.

      I ended up climbing my 8 foot fence into the backyard, breaking a window to get into the tool shed and finding a flat metal tool (it was for scrapping off wall paper) and a hammer. It's dusk and about to get really dark, so I'm scared that I won't be able to get into the house. But I climb back over the fence with the tools and break into the front door. (I don't know why I didn't ask a neighbor for help...too ashamed).

      I was too tired to do anything else that night, so I slept with the door unable to lock or close. I ended up getting help by emailing some people the next morning. Terrible...I can't believe I put myself through that or stayed with him for another 5 months after that.

      I'm in a much better place now. Therapy helps. Self-esteem is a slow process though. As is learning what is outside the bounds of normal behavior, if you were never taught that growing up.

      I love your blog. I can really relate. Keep it up!

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    4. Aw hun, I just want to pull you through the computer screen and hug you!

      Self esteem is a bitch ain't it? I have a long track record of bad ex's too. Its so hard to find the right path, when the only familiar one's we know are wrong.

      So glad you are here!

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    5. Anonymous, that sounds crazy. I hope you are much better now too :)

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  7. Oh dear. I'm ten years past the marriage, but my kids are now old enough to be experiencing some of the same craziness I lived through. "Mom, dad does this thing..." "I know, hon, it's hard, and he will never change, so stop using logic, just hold your nose and move on."

    I can't tell you how many times I went fly fishing/camping with my ex, and never did see a fish. I did see him totally absorb himself in everything and everyone around him, only to hear later that I'm difficult, and crazy, and complainy, and that it would all be better if I were like all the other wives.

    On our honeymoon, I was a 24 year old former model, 5'9" and 130 pounds, total lingerie and bikini material, and he said my ass was too jiggly.

    When I went into labor and called to tell him, he put me on hold.

    When I was eight months pregnant with our second son, he said he'd been cheating on me for four of our seven years together, but it wasn't cheating per se because he paid for it.

    When our son came out of his induced coma and was cleared to come home, he was busy at work. The neonatal intensive care department head refused to let us go until the father showed up and listed to instructions on how to keep our baby alive.

    He asked for a divorce in the cafeteria while said son was in a coma. He'd been out with his brothers all night, and they told him that I wasn't very respectful toward him and divorce isn't the end of the world.

    When he lost his job (or quit, destroying chances of unemployment benefits) during the bust, I worked for promotions and supported us all while he stayed home with the kids for four years. He needed to feel useful, and to be surrounded by things befitting the life he saw for himself, so he spent eight months and fifteen grand building a patio and pergola.

    When he asked for a divorce for the sixth time, I said ok. He immediately took it back, and I divorced him anyway. This was almost ten years ago, he has no girlfriend, no money, has declared bankruptcy, owes my parents tens of thousands, owes me roughly double that in back child support, earns three times what I do and I still buy clothes and shoes for the kids.

    I'm now remarried and have stepchildren, and I never look back. Ever. My husband's ex was angry all the time and said no one else would ever take him. He now has an author, model, exec, entrepreneur wife, and I have a loving, thoughtful, sex god C-level exec who loves his kids more than anything.

    It can end well. I used to wish on white horses, wells, rainbows, anything, really, that I would someday meet someone who was loyal, had integrity, knew how to manage finances, had crazy chemistry w me, and who would treat me with respect. We are both still pinching ourselves, not quite yet believing that we are worthy of such happiness. It's a rare and precious gift. Also? It wasn't until after I got divorced in my mid-thirties that I had an orgasm. Now it's hard not to, like ALL THE TIME. It's crazy. I don't know what the hell was wrong all that time. I feel like I was crazy and dysfunctional for twenty years and had no idea what OTHER kind of life was out there.

    I have too high an online profile to post this with a name, but your stories let me pour it out for the first time. Thank you. I'll tell you what others have told me: when you're writing and beginning to think that no one cares and it's stupid and self-indulgent, remember that for every one who agrees with that assessment, there are a hundred of us grateful to you for having the courage to speak, and for helping us realize that we are not alone. I haven't written like this in a couple years, since I put my blog in mothballs.

    You've won a place in my heart. You have a sister. Well, one more that you had before, we don't know each other from Adam.

    Rock on.

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    1. Wow, I'd love to sit down with you and have coffee, it sure sounds like you have been through quite a bit!! I'm SO happy that you have found your happiness. I get sad sometimes thinking that I will never find someone :( And you found a sex God on top of it!!! That part made me laugh!!!

      Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, they mean the world to me. You're right, there are days when I wonder why I'm writing, and if anyone is reading, so what you said really struck a chord with me.

      I'm glad that you have found your way here, my new sister :)

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  8. P.S. I'm partially red and felt the scalpel during my c-section, so they jacked up the epidural 30-40%. I couldn't lift my arms to hold the baby for hours. I never heard of us being resistant to anesthesia!

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    1. Crazy!! I can't believe how many people are posting their red head anesthesia stories on here. How have I not heard of this before!?

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  9. Do you think you were attracted to your husband (and vice versa) because he was abusive? Because you were used to abuse?

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    1. I think so. I think that we tend to be attracted to what is familiar to us, because it feels comfortable, no matter how dysfunctional it is. I also don't think that it helps that I had no basis on what is or is not a bad situation, since I had no footing on what a good one was.

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  10. Though i have no experiences to share...but i thought sharing you some YOUTUBE videos i like very much....HOPE YOU LOVE &ENJOY THEM....
    1)the art of love
    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OkpE4xICkns&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DOkpE4xICkns
    2))faith. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2-QJYS9Vg7c&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D2-QJYS9Vg7c
    3)))math maker fall in love...
    http://m.youtube.com/#/results?q=match%20maker%20fall%20in%20love

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    1. oooo fun, video's!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

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  11. I dont know your name....but i just want to fill some postive feeling in you...after seeing above videos even if small smile appears on your face...thats enough...i can say suerly my effort got succeeded...bye for now......

    Iam waiting for more posts on this blog....why not share about your children and post their pics.....I AM WAITING EAGERLY....PLEASE WRITE AND POST about them....byefornow....

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    1. Thank you!!! I'm so glad you have found your way here :)

      I should work on a post about my kids, they are pretty funny. Thanks for the idea! I don't put pictures up of them for privacy reasons :)

      Hugs!!!

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  12. I know this is kind of old, but I'll comment anyway. I'm bored at the office and have nothing to do at the moment. ;)

    I dated a guy for most of my sophomore year in college. He was actually fairly nice but just painfully, excruciatingly dumb. It's the reason I broke up with him (I'll join you in hell!). I just couldn't stand the constant never-ending stuff that he did/said.

    Like the time he put a can of soup in my microwave. A CAN of soup. In the microwave. No more microwave. And then he did it again. No more second microwave. When he fried my third microwave, I told him there was a No Microwave for Steven rule. He wasn't pleased. So he went to his mother's house and fried her microwave by...wait for it...putting a can of soup in it.

    Or the time that he told me he wanted to see the west coast and so was going to drive the California coastline. He flew out there, then called me and yelled at me for not telling him he couldn't drive from California to Hawaii. When I calmly told him that he'd never once mentioned wanting to see Hawaii and that I never thought he needed to be told that driving from California to Hawaii isn't possible, he said that Hawaii was out west so of course it should be possible. He then complained that his entire trip was ruined because he really had only flown out to California because he was planning on driving to Honolulu - flights to Hawaii were too expensive so he had flown to California and rented a car and then...disappointment.

    Or the time he put a 12-pack of Pepsi in the trunk of my car (without telling me, and I never knew because I almost never use my trunk) in the middle of January. January in Pennsylvania is cold. It's going to get down to single digits tonight, with wind chills below zero. That particular week it happened I don't think temperatures went above 12 for a solid week. I was freaking driving when the damn Pepsi cans exploded. Let me tell you, that explosion was LOUD and driving down the highway at 65 mph and hearing a loud BOOM from your trunk is rather unsettling.

    So there you have it. A few stories about my ex. :D

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    1. HAHAHAHA!!!! Oh my gosh, that is TOO funny. I needed a good laugh right now, I just spent forever waiting for a tow truck to pull me, the kids, and the car out of a snow bank. Ah thanks for the laugh.

      Its a miracle that guy is still alive!!

      I saw something once that said "I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people, I'm just saying we should remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out."

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    2. Snow bank? Hope you're all okay!

      Funny story about calling a tow truck. I had to call one once years ago because I was driving and all of a sudden my brake pedal went all the way to the floor and nothing happened. I was VERY lucky to be able to literally coast into a turn lane, turn into a mall parking lot, and then coast around the abandoned parking lot until my car came to a stop. Called the auto insurance for a tow and after explaining that I literally HAD NO BRAKES, the lady asked me if I could drive myself to the auto repair shop four miles down the road.

      After I told her I had no brakes, she replied with, "Yes, well, you're going to have to pay for a tow truck so if you can drive yourself down the road to the shop, you'll save money."

      I told her to send the tow truck. The speed limit there was 55. No way was I going to drive 55 without any brakes.

      And I love that quote. I really, really think it'd be a great idea to just remove all those labels and let nature take its course!

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    3. Oh my gosh, you do have some crazy stories lol!! Thats when you pull the emergency brake! So glad you were ok!!

      I got stuck in a snow bank trying to get out of my neighborhood this morning, The plow pushed all the snow from the main road into the enterance and I got stuck. I called the police and they were like "Call a tow truck. " So I said "ok, and where do I drop off the bill:?' and they were all "Um, no. You pay for that yourself." So I said "I already did. When I paid my taxes and you used the money to hire city snow plows. Its not my fault you hired someone who didn't know what they were doing. I took pictures, should I drop those off as well or just put them on the city facebook page?" She was like :"Someone will be there in a few minutes." Police showed up and pushed me out haha

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    4. OH MY LORD, I was already laughing and face palming at the poste about the Driving to Hawaii dude but you threatening to post pictures of the job the snow plow made me actually cackle like a witch. Legendary.

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  13. My ex is from A Big City, and kind of ignorant about any animal that isn't a dog, a rat, a pigeon, a cockroach, or a carriage horse. One year someone gave us a hummingbird feeder as a gift and he called to tell them the store had cheated them, because it said "food included" and there were no seeds. Another time he was carrying a fifty-pound sack of birdseed on his shoulder and it started to slide forward, so he punched it upward and it broke and rained down in every direction. A couple of hours later he started yelling for me to come look out the window. A bunch of mourning doves were eating the fallen seed. "Look!" he exclaimed. "The wild pigeons are eating the birdseed!"

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    1. Hahaha!!! That is too funny, I can totally picture it :)

      Thanks for sharing, I totally needed a good laugh tonight!!

      Wild pigeons. hahaha.

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  14. A recurring theme I notice is that you were often criticized by your ex for being wimpy, weak, and annoyingly female. I personally get annoyed by wimpy women too — my reflex is that they are bitches and should just "suck it up" or "deal with it." I just wanted to let you know that while no one deserves abuse when they have done nothing wrong, it is a pretty common reaction in men and one that is widely condoned. (I'm thinking middle and high school.) Especially men who were told to "man up" themselves and stop being wimps. They were never cut any slack so later they don't for others either.

    A lot of men and people are totally fine with girly girls or insecure girls and are more than willing to be kind. It's just when the person doesn't have excess goodwill to spare, the first thing that gets cut is being tolerant and fair.

    Some people are just perfect and nobody would ever question respecting them. But naturally slightly imperfect, vulnerable people are mistreated based on the capricious moods of the other person, who might resent the effort to be tolerant.

    For example, I was socially inept throughout elementary and middle school. Adults had to take an extra effort on me and resented that I "couldn't just" be "normal" like the other kids. Usually they were restrained, but eventually they blew up at me and said some very harsh words and shamed me because of the person I was, not because I did anything wrong.

    It frustrated me that I was treated worse from nothing I had done wrong and that I bumped up against the invisible barrier of the limits my personality imposed. I came to the conclusion that the ultimate resolution for being mistreated for personal defects is simply not to have any. To be perfect and unassailable. I want to be perfect. I have made big attempts several times, but I'm not so stupid as to be unaware that perfection is impossible.

    I have basically given up on life. I don't do much these days and plan nothing for the future. Since I am fundamentally flawed, no amount of anything will improve me or allow me to be a deserving human being like the others I grew up with and am surrounded by. I have many times desperately looked up magical spells on the internet (really) that might allow me to transform into a different human being, or even an ant, I hated myself so much. I was not so stupid as to expect them to work. I never accepted who I was, but I stopped expecting or wanting anything good for myself. I didn't fail, I faded away and live as a nobody.

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    1. You are most definitely not fundamentally flawed. Absolutely not. You may be inherently different but that definitely does not make you "less than' anyone else. You have been given different abilities and different gifts than other people. That makes you unique.

      Embrace it! Only the people that are brave enough to stand out can really change the world. So you don't blend in, who cares. That's amazing! You don't blend in because you ARE different. You may not offer what everyone else does but you can offer things that are unique to only you. Whether it be talents and abilities or perspectives that only you are able to understand, that makes you special.

      Have faith in the good parts of you and start small. Find one thing that you can offer people and go from there. Feel different? Ok, find a child who is also different. Show them that they are special. In doing that, you will see how special you are as well.

      **hugs**

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