Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Death, Rescue Me

Did you all know I write poetry? I can't remember if I've shared that on here before. Most of my early work and my first published book, was all poetry. I haven't shared my poetry in a long time because it has become intensely personal, but tonight I guess I'm feeling open.

**Trigger Warning**


I hear the door open and my heart beats faster.

He is home.

Burying my head under the covers, please let him think I'm asleep.

The thumping of my heart beating in sync with every thud of his footsteps coming up the stairs.

The bedroom door opens.

Terror.

Every fiber of my being telling me to run away, yet ever wrestling the internal struggle of my desperate soul against my brain screaming "DON'T FUCKING MOVE."

Keep my eyes shut. Monsters aren't real!

I feel a hand moving up my thigh. Please, just let me die.

Any chance of remaining in my tomb of silent sleep is shattered as I am forcefully rolled to my back.

This is the man that I chose to marry.

I start to sit up, please, not tonight.

"We can do this the hard way, or the easy way, either way, its getting done. I'll let you choose as to how much it hurts."

I sink back down into my soulless coffin, the pillows surrounding me with their suffocating hugs.

A hand wrapped "lovingly" around my throat.

I whimper.

His breathing is labored, as mine becomes strained. Darkness creeping in around the edges.

Please stop!

This is not what I signed up for.

I recite my vows in my head, "till death do us part."

Please death, I'm ready to go.

Rescue me.



31 comments:

  1. Poetry for me was always a good way to simply express complex concepts. It was a good way for me to talk about what had happened to me in a way that I could bear. Thanks for sharing some of yours. *hugs*

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    1. Very true. It lets you express what you are feeling without needing to really get into the details

      Hugs!

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  2. I'm still reading. Couldn't let this one go by without comment. I am so sorry for what he put you through. Rape is such a horrific thing to go through, to have to deal with this so regularly must have been hell. You're not alone. Thinking of you. *hugs* if ok.

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  3. I am sorry for all that you have went through in life! You are an amazingly strong woman!

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  4. So haunting, especially 'A hand wrapped 'lovingly' around my throat'''. Very immediate, very confessional voice. I like the piece, but I'm even happier that you didn't need to die to be rescued.

    *hugs*

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    1. I'm happy about that too :)

      Glad you enjoyed it, thanks for letting me know :)

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  5. Beautiful and heartbreaking. Glad you're out of there, you're so strong. Hugs!

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    1. Thank you for being a part of my journey!!

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    2. Of course- thank you for sharing your journey! You are such a positive role model and I love reading your posts :)

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  6. Wow. This is such a haunting piece.

    I'm so glad you got out of there. Sending you many hugs.

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    1. Funny, you are the second person to use the word "haunting."

      Thanks for reading hun :)

      Hugs

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  7. They way you write is very captivating. A lot of writers are great in one style of writing and that's it, but you tend to bounce around in different styles (humor, memoir, poetry, advice, etc) and each one is just as engaging.

    I tip my hat to you my dear.

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  8. You never should have had to go through that. That's not a real man. A real man would have protected you. I know you want to remain anonymous, but I would love to meet you. I truly see how amazing you are and you deserve that

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    1. Well that's a pretty fine offer, but yes, you are right, it would be a little hard to maintain my anonymity if I met you.

      With your charming ways I'm sure you will find someone who isn't in hiding :)

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  9. I know how you feel - sort of. The dreading part... Your ex was pretty mean spirited. He's gone now.

    You've made wonderful choices to make the life of your children, and your life better. I hope now you can think of new poems! Beautiful ones, about your children, and rainbows, and ladybugs, and the friendly monsters :) Because, I will tell you, there are friendly monsters :) My eldest draws them all of the time, and they're beautiful friendly monsters :) They protect us :)

    I know Eden, it's not easy...but you have many reasons to write different poems now ...I'm trying to write new ones too...

    Nathalie
    xoxoxox

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    1. I have a few more I will probably share soon :)

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    2. Looking forward to them :)

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  10. you're a bit over dramatic...
    your first published book?! I wanna read that! how come you never learned how to spell though.

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    1. Are you seriously calling a rape victim dramatic?

      i feel really sorry for my future children that have to deal with people like you infecting our world.

      Thanks troll, you accomplished your goal of really pissing someone off tonight thanks to a thread that I subscribed to

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    2. I don't see anything wrong with her spelling, not to mention she is a writer, not an editor....

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    3. Eden does make a lot of small spelling and grammar mistakes, but they never detract from her writing.

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    4. Ha, yes, I never claimed to be an editor. Writer yes, editor no :)

      Thanks guys :)

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  11. This isn't poetry.

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    1. I bet you also dry your hair hair in the bathtub

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  12. I know my post is kind of late, but I'm truly happy you got out alive. I work briefly with a lot of domestic violence cases over the phone and I never get to hear the outcome; I just set up the counseling and hope they go. So many tragic cases I hear, and I just pray those women take and get the help they deserve. I'm so glad you are safe. I truly am.

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    1. Thank you for the work you have done. I was the girl on the other end of the phone more times than I would like to admit. What you did was important, more than you will ever know, even if they didn't follow through with anything you told them. Just knowing there was someone there when I (we) called, that's a lot. So thank you!!

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