Saturday, April 26, 2014

Here's Your Chance! (Super Fast Post)

Just as a quick update since a lot of you have asked, no I haven't gone to see my mother yet. I called my father and asked to meet with them, to which he said they will "think about it." Figures. They bug the hell out of me trying to get me to get in contact with me and then when I suggest we meet they are all "whoa. Whoa there daughter, we aren't so sure about this." That right there proves that they do not do well when they feel their power might be threatened. They have been literally begging me to give in to all their requests to visit, to which I obviously ignored, but when I suggest it, "well gee, that's wasn't our idea so it sucks." They know something is up and their cowardly stripes are showing.

When I find out when I'm going to be seeing them, I'll be sure to let you guys know before I go. I'm going to need the prayers and well wishes!!

With all the comments and emails that I received on the subject, I figured I would open the floor to you guys and see if you have any other questions for me. Anything you have been wondering? Burning questions? I know a lot of you have been reading for a long time and following my story, so here's your chance to let me know what you are thinking!


You are welcome to post anonymously if you would like or include your name, its up to you. If you see someone else ask a question you have also been wondering, feel free to reply and "second" it. If I get a ton of questions, I'll know which one's you guys are most interested in.

Since I'm in the middle of writing my book I'll ask that you guys refrain from asking me any questions that would specifically be relevant to the year before my ex left up to a year after he left. That you will just have to read about later! I also won't be taking any "identity revealing" questions but I'm sure you guys already know that.

I'll answer all your other questions in an "Answers" post soon, so I won't comment back to each comment like I normally do. Does that make sense?

Have a great week everyone!

Be kind to those around you, for words are limited to human noise, but it's through your actions that your heart speaks.





46 comments:

  1. This isn't really a burning question but I thought it would be fun to know. If you could go anywhere for a 2 week vacation, where would you go and why?

    I wanna go to Africa and check out the lions, elephants, hippos, meerkats and giraffes crusin' around freely.

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    1. I know it is weird and totally off topic but I am having my own issues at the moment and needed to lighten my mood. :)

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    2. We welcome weird here. Come one, come all.

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  2. You mentioned having a sister that passed away. I would like to hear more about her.

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    1. I would also like to hear about this if it's OK.

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  3. I hope I don't offend you, bc I ask this out of a genuine sense of wanting to understand, but what is it like to be raped?

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    1. Wow, is that an unnecessary question... just read some of her other posts, she's pretty articulate about it all, and especially how badly the authorities treated her after the fact. (!!!)

      But if you really want to know, were you ever bullied as a little kid? Not just verbal but physical? Did big kids ever hold you down and threaten you and do horrible painful terrifying things including pantsing you for the humiliation, indian burns, chest pounding till you get a purple mark, arm twisting, kicking, nose and hair pulling, biting, holding you under water at the pool, dangling you upside down from the monkey bars, you name it, while you were stuck there trapped and tortured (and in tiny kid terror that the big horrible kids might actually kill you?)

      And deeply humiliated as well as fearful (especially if they stripped your pants off... or, if they made you wet them...) Then later on afterwards you were still cowering from the whole experience, and also resentful in general that they made your days and actual entire life one of living in fear and feeling like prey?

      Well, take that childhood feeling of misery and hopelessness and general trauma and times it by about 100 and you will have a vague idea of the pain and helplessness and utter violation of rape.

      If any of this has never happened to you, then consider yourself very lucky. (And maybe living in a bubble...)

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    2. Wow anonymous 2!...the question was asked very timidly AND respectfully and your answer seems to be filled with venom and anger and YOU weren't asked! AND just because someone has never been bullied or raped does not mean they have been living in a bubble...they may have dealt with other issues that someone else could not imagine. Eden said we could ask any question we wanted and anonymous 1 did so...if Eden doesn't want to answer she can just direct them to her previous posts.

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    3. I think I have to agree with Mary Anne a bit on this, on every point she brings up.
      I think we're all here for a reason, and nobody needs to be insulted or made fell bad about, for asking a question. I work in a field where I get constant apologies because the person feels like they're asking a stupid question. I simply tell them there is no stupid question. The person is asking a question because they don't understand, and want to understand. I actually found that Anonymous 1 was pretty gutsy asking that question, because you know what? The question they asked is not an easy one to ask. It takes courage to ask a question...

      I get the feeling Eden respects the fact that some of us vent here (I certainly have - and I so deeply hope I've never insulted anybody while venting - my vents are just big farts as a result of years of finally digesting what happened to me) ...and Anonymous 2, I know what you went through is like (perhaps not to the degree you experienced), but I think this site is about total acceptance, understanding, and support, of each other...and a huge openness on experience sharing...and trying to heal and move on, or just give Eden the best advice we can - with all good intentions...well, anyway, that's the feeling I get from being here. When you've been through enough crap, you don't need crap from someone because you posted your comment or question. I'm here for my reasons, I know what they are.

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    4. I agree with anonymous #3 and #4, but i also see where #2 is coming from.

      I think we have all come to love eden in a sense as we have watched her struggle (and prevail!) We know what hurts her and seeing a question posted that would cause painful memories to resurface would cause a lot of us, as her friends, to want to jump up and defend her, protect her from getting hurt. So just so anonymous #2 isnt hanging out all by themselves in their opinion, id just like to point out that their response most likely came from a reaction of protecting eden rather than blatantly shaming the question asker. :)

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    5. Your parents' reaction is totally unsurprising. It is how cowards behave, and I won't go into that.

      Who I want to know about is your friend.

      Nathalie
      xoxoxox

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    6. Anon 1, it's different for everyone- and having to recount those incidents can be incredibly difficult. Even just reading your question made me want to curl up in a ball because it can be very painful and triggering to remember, and I agree that that's likely what may put people up in arms about it. Personally, being raped (every occasion it happened) is the most miserable thing that has ever happened to me. The last time it happened was 2.5 years ago and I'm still not over it.

      To anyone who may have been triggered by this, please take good care of yourself- remember, your mental health comes first! If you ever want to talk, I have a Tumblr (not trying to self-promote, so I'm sorry- I just want to give a safe space to talk if you need it!) you can find at likethelotus.tumblr.com. There's also tons of others out there as well. Feel free to chat if you need someone to listen. You can also find good resources for survivors at websites like Pandora's Aquarium at pandys.org. And, of course, the lovely Eden, though she's a busy bee lately! :)

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    7. Here is an answer to the first Anon who asked the fairly touchy question about rape. If you want to know more about the experience of being raped, Alice Sebold ("The Lovely Bones" writer) wrote a memoir called "Lucky", specifically about every last detail of being raped, and in her case it was a stranger rape and she had been a virgin. I think her graphic and well written account of everything from the external circumstances to the psychological aftermath should probably satisfy any curiosity you might have about the experience.

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  4. Your outgoing personality seems to work so well for you, I think it would be fun to hear of a time when it backfired :)

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    1. Haha, I have a great story for this one!

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  5. What are are your daily negative emotions? Do you have anxiety, depression, dissociative, etc. problems after all the trauma you've gone through? What are your coping skills for those problems?

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    1. I second this one! I don't know how you do what you do, Eden, ya tiny powerhouse, but you're awesome at all of it and I hope you take good care of yourself! <3

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    2. Interesting...I'll see what I can pull together for ya!

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  6. What's your take on societies viewpoints on marriage and rape? Views like "the only real rape you had was from the stranger because you were married to your husband that forced sex wasn't really rap.""

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    1. Oh my gosh, yes, this infuriates me. Check back for my post answer

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  7. Would you ever like to have more kids at some point? Also, do you like nachos?

    I know those are completely strange and unrelated, but now that I have nachos on my mind I can't seem to make room to care :)

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    1. Oh. My. Gosh. You were totally meant to be my internet sister. The basis of my food pyramid is nacho's. I eat them....oh.....everyday. No, I'm not kidding.

      As for everyone elses questions, I'm not ignoring any of you! I'm just going to answer them all in a post!! Keep asking away! :)

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    2. Now I want nachos. Thanks a lot, haha. ;)

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    3. LOL! I think nachos run through my veins... this is why we connect on a deep food level. NACHOS FOR EVERYONE ON THIS WHOLE POST YAYYY

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    4. Don't forget the milkshakes! Or in my case yogurt shakes!

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  8. I know you've mentioned the various therapies your son has to take, but I remember you also briefly mentioning that your daughter has special needs as well. Would you mind sharing a bit about what she's going through?

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  9. Can you tell us about your work to help other women? Why you started, when you had the idea to make the classes, how was your first class...

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    1. Here is the post that talks about how the classes started
      http://itisnotmyshametobear.blogspot.com/2013/11/in-which-i-take-my-clothes-off-for-money.html

      Sure, I can elaborate on how the first class went!

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    2. Not sure why the link didn't "link" but you can cut and paste it into your browser or go under the November tab on the right hand side and read the post titled "in which I take my clothes off for money."

      I hope that helps! :)

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  10. I would also like to hear about the sister you mentioned once, but I also understand that that's a painful place to go.

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  11. I just read this article and I thought perhaps you might be interested in reading it.
    http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/apr/28/domestic-violence-first-womens-refuge-saved-my-life

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    1. Very interesting! Thanks so much for sharing :)

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  12. I thought it was interesting when your ex husband said he didn't want a son. Do you know why? I was hoping it was because he knew what a piece of s he was and didn't want to make another person like him...but I would love to know what your thoughts are.

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  13. I want to know how you got that body back after two babies!

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    1. Haha! Not much to tell but sure, I'll answer

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  14. I don't have a question but I just wanted to say I feel your frustration about your parents not wanting to meet! My parents had stopped talking to us for about 9 months, and when we decided to move cross country we wanted to tell them in person, but when I called to ask them to come over, they were all, "Oh, we're really busy...." I practically had to force them to come over and then my mom accused me of using moving as an empty threat! It's always about them, isn't it?

    Looking forward to seeing what other people asked and your answers!

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    1. So did your mom (Bridget) figure out it wasn't (an "empty threat"), when you actually MOVED?! (And how is that working out? Is it nicer to be far far away from them?)

      I think it is too bad that Eden can't move to another state (far far from HER family!)... I think Hawaii and California are both nice choices (no more snowed-over traffic signals!) !!!

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    2. I think she got the idea once we started making serious plans, but it's worked out well for the family part. Lots of space to really work on my issues. I don't know if it would work for everybody but it was a healthy decision for me!

      Eden seems to have a pretty strong support group where she's at, so I don't know that would be worth it to move and lost all that. It's hard either way.

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