Why did I call the police, which is something I never do because I don't trust the police? Because the guy at the car wash hit my car with his cleaner cart and refused to give me the business insurance information.
Why did I have a heart attack at work? Because I didn't look at my clients couch before I put my hand on it to lean over and clean the picture on the wall. FYI, mousetraps HURT. I somehow didn't see any of them. Not when I put my right hand on the couch and it snapped, not when I screamed and put my left hand on the couch, not when I backed away out of sheer terror and landed on the couch behind me. Not at any point did I see any mousetraps before they snapped. I mean really, how was I expected to be looking around logically with all the screaming and flailing around that was going on? Seriously though, that was quite stupid of me. Of course there would be mouse traps everywhere, I mean, why wouldn't there be?
Why do I have absolutely no idea what color the traffic light is? Oh yea and I hate this state.
Why do people leave broken glass where poor innocent housekeeper's could get hurt?
Why wouldn't I need the world's largest fly swatter? Oh yea, because I don't kill birds.
Why does this chocolate rabbit look like its thinking "you are going to do WHAT to me!?"
Why can I not find any jogging pants that fit me? This is an extra small in spandex "form fit" at Old Navy and they look like dress pants I could wear with heels. Too long and too baggy. Not cool, not cool.
Why do I not understand the purpose of the peep hole in the door? Not to mention you can't see the even larger picture windows on either side of the door windows. What are you going to do, teleport yourself from wherever you were to directly in front of the peep hole so that you can discreetly check and see who is outside? I don't get it.
Why do some people think they are better than others? "Here, let me take up not only my parking spot, but the one's around me as well because I am going to cone off my car so that no one gets too close. I'm even going to put a little one on the hood of my car so that I remember to pick up the big cones before I drive away." Nice try buddy, lets take a vote on how long it takes before someone keys your precious little car.
Why do people touch me so often?
Why did I almost get in several accidents this week? Because some genius in my town thought it would be a great idea to start parking the trains EXTREMELY close to the railroad crossing. I'm aware that they do this so I make sure to look as I'm approaching the crossing, but other people are not as aware and so they wait until they are directly on the tracks to look out their window, see the train, and then they panic and slam on the gas to "get out of the way," rendering me almost rear ended. (I took these pictures on opposite ends of town)
Why do I look like I am wearing a bad Donald Trump wig? Because I took the kids swimming and I hate my curly hair. Even though I didn't get my whole head wet I got splashed enough to make it start curling and since my bangs are too short to actually curl, they do this Donald Trump thing. Geesh, I want celebrity hair but this was not what I had in mind. (P.S. I took four kids, ages 5, 3, 2, and 2 swimming and no one drown. Can I get a round of applause please?)
|Courtesy of the locker room|
Why? So...you don't want us to call...but...you didn't feel the need to cover up the entire bumper sticker....so.... basically the message you are sending is "How's my driving? I don't really give a f**k what you think about it."
That's all for this week! Stay tuned for the next edition of "Things that make you ask why?"