Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Things That Make You Ask "Why?" Part 8

It's about time for another edition of "Things That Just Make You Ask Why?" courtesy of Eden's phone!

Why do rental cars always come with both keys locked together? I mean really, what good does that do me? "Oh man, it really sucks that I lost my key, but at least it won't be lonely since I lost the spare one with it."


Eden, why did it seem like a good idea to move this chair down the stairs by yourself? Compliments of my Facebook page.



Why would you choose this as your company logo? Following this truck for six miles did not make me want to hire your company, it made me want to run screaming for my life and praying that I don't get nightmares from having this creepy face burned into my brain.



Why wouldn't every child be super excited to get these cookies? Learning in the form of a tasty treat!? Too bad they don't come in gluten free, my kids are really missing out on a high quality learning opportunity here! "No one bites a cookie until you can tell me which creepy ass president's face is on the front! We are learning here children! This ain't no damn graham cracker!!"





Why did my friends and I spend a good ten minutes laughing? Because we stumbled upon this ad while looking for something for our nonprofit fundraiser. We really should have filtered the term "entertainment photographer" a bit better.


Why this might be the first person I've come across that needs to continue their last name onto the back of their drivers license.


Why am I holding a very empty box of french fries? Because Wendy's cheated me!!


Why am I holding a bag of french fries? Because this is what the passive aggressive cashier handed me when I politely pointed out my fry quantity disappointment.


Why am I holding a triple stack burger with a HUGE wedge of cheese? Because I also pointed out the fact that my bunless double stack was missing cheese, veggies, and condiments (yes that's right, I got two pieces of meat and THAT WAS IT) so the same passive aggressive cashier made this concoction.



Why do we call America the laziest country? Doesn't everyone need to pay a little extra to have their potatoes already foil wrapped?


Why am I taking a picture of batteries stapled back into the package? Because this was hanging on the shelf at the store and I can't figure out if this is awful or the best idea ever! Buy new batteries, return the old one's in the package. Apparently the store doesn't care...


Why not put a Coke machine facing a pond in the middle of a forest preserve. This is America you know! We are too lazy to bring water bottles and we demand a drink right here, right now!



Why was I suddenly questioning my adult clothing choices as I was folding laundry one day? Because these are my family's pants in a row. First are the girl child's, second are mine, lastly are the boy child's. My shorts are SHORTER than those of a three year old and nearly the same size as the shorts of my 38 pound six year old. How is that even possible....


"Why what a lovely view" was what I was thinking on my way to church moments before a turkey hopped out of the cornfield and committed suicide by my car. I'm telling you, this year I have taken my serial birderer status to a whole new level. A turkey? Really?


Why are most Americans who are living under the poverty line overweight? Because besides the occasional roadkill turkey, this is the food that they have access too. This is the haul that the food pantry gave me when I showed up to get diapers. Now I won't complain because not only are people nice enough to donate it and the volunteers are nice enough to set aside the gluten free food for me, but still, that's a lot of junk food!



Why wouldn't a group of clowns be dining at Chipolte?



Why is it frustrating when good intentioned friends give out your phone number? Because sometimes they unintentionally give it to really horny dudes that repeatedly sext you.


Why was I laughing my ass off at Ikea? Because this couple was there and obviously out of place with their interior designer (his entire suit was shiny. I'm not a suit person so I don't know what it was, but it looked like everything he had on was made of silk). The designer would pick something up, they would look at it with looks of shock and horror, she would awkwardly set it down, and then they would repeat the scenario over, and over, and over again as they made their way through the aisles.


Well that's it for this edition of "Things That Make You Ask 'Why?' " I hope all you beautiful people are having a fabulous day!


30 comments:

  1. My shorts are SHORTER than those of a three year old and nearly the same size as the shorts of my 38 pound six year old. How is that even possible....
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    I think the answer to that is pretty self explanatory, Eden.

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    1. not sure why my comment didn't post as a reply to yours, but I replied to you below

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  2. she posted a picture of herself wearing those exact shorts a few months ago, and they were nowhere near inappropriately short. Don't be hating just because she's got the body and you don't

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    1. Ha! They really aren't as short as they look like they should be! :)

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  3. Funny!!
    You must live in a really weird place, because I've looked for things that might make me ask Why? where I live and couldn't find any.
    The clowns were my favorite :)
    Sucks about the passive-aggressive Wendy's worker. Now there are quite a few of those people where I live. :(
    ((love & hugs))

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    1. Lol! I know, I tried to do that photo contest a few weeks ago and I only got like two pictures from you guys!

      The Wendy's worker was...interesting lol.

      *hugs!*

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  4. The soda machine!!!! Ha!!!!

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    1. I laughed so hard at that, it was SO out of place!

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  5. call me old fashioned but so long as your shorts are longer than your vajayjay you're good to go! :)

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    1. Ha ha!! if I had the body, I would wear the shortest shorts I could find lol

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    2. HAHAHA! Definitely longer than my vajayjay and BOTH butt cheeks! Lol

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  6. I once got a bookcase (bookshelf? It was 7 feet tall and about 2.5 feet wide) stuck on a spiral staircase.

    We live in a 110-year-old victorian twin and the steps to the 3rd floor are spiral. I was trying to help my sister transport the damn bookcase upstairs to her room. She was at the bottom and I was at the top. The thing got stuck. Really, really stuck. Which is odd because we got it down the stairs easily (it was from Ikea, brought up to the 3rd floor in a box, assembled on the 3rd floor, then moved down to the 2nd, then attempted to be moved back up to the 3rd).

    The damn bookshelf got so stuck in there that I had to climb out the THIRD FLOOR WINDOW onto the roof over the front porch and then climb off the porch roof onto the porch railing and then climb off of that and onto the porch.

    My sister's boyfriend then brought over a sledgehammer and they beat the crap out of the bookshelf. It would have been a lot more hilarious if it wasn't me who had to climb out the damn 3rd floor window, haha!

    That's hilarious about your shorts. Hey, as long as your girly bits are covered, I don't have a problem with short shorts. I just would rather not see girly bits while walking around in public. ;)

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    1. Meant to ask: Did you get your chair un-stuck?

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    2. Oh my gosh, that is hysterical!!! I've always wanted to live in a Victorian house! They are so pretty and the architecture is just devine. I love the layouts and the windows. Aw, do you still live there? Post pictures!!!

      The shorts lol!! Yes, my girly bits are WAY covered. They really aren't even that short which is the weirdest part. I mean you aren't even in danger of seeing a butt cheek if I bend WAY over. The girl childs shorts go almost to her knees which you can't tell from that pic either. So what we have deduced here is the problem really must lie with the boy childs shorts; they have to just be way to long!

      THREE HOURS later, a near hole in the wall, a magic eraser, two kids crying that they will "never see our upstairs again," and a screw driver, I got the damn f'ing chair down the stairs.

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    3. Yep, still live in the same house. We're planning on selling it. As beautiful as it is, it's old. And old houses have problems. The front porch is about to fall off, which means there are foundation issues underneath, which is literally thousands of dollars.

      Plus, we have crazy neighbors who are NOT planning on moving away any time soon so there's also that, haha...

      I have pictures of the steps we got stuck on but none of my house. I did manage to find a Google street view of it though. It's crappy quality but it's visible. I'll post 'em in a message on Facebook for ya. :)

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    4. Thanks for sending the pics! Such a cool house!!

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  7. LOL Love these, Eden. The rental car thing drives me insane, too. SO dumb.

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    1. When the rental place called to see how my rental was I asked them why they do that and they said it's because when they sell the car back to the dealer they want to know both keys are together.

      That is so stupid for like ten obvious reasons.

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  8. They have those foil wrapped potatoes at my local Giant too! I pause and contemplate them every time I'm in the produce section. I think they also had pre-roasted sweet potatoes in with the cut up fruit.

    This made me think of you. The other day my husband took our daughter off with him to the grocery store with out a toy. When she got antsy and fussy, he handed her a package of neon drinking straws to play with. Well as he's walking along he hears "plink, plink, plink" He looks back and realizes that she's chewed a hole in the bag and is pulling straws out and dropping them one at a time as they go. So now we have a few dozen neon straws in the house and we are not straw drinkers. This week we all went and I showed him how to occupy and confuse the fussy child with boxes of macaroni and matchbox cars.

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    1. My friend brought up the intersting point of "They would be so plain without butter and salt rubbed on them before cooking!! Pre roasted sweet potatoes though.....hum....they might be on to something!

      I can't beleive you said that! I actually wrote an article about grocery shopping with a toddler! It's running on the Scary Mommy site in the beginning of Sept. Too funny!

      Love the straw story, I can totally picture it lol!! I say you make grown up drinks and put those straws to good use!

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    2. It makes me miss home where they'd sell pre-roasted beets in the produce section.

      One of my friends is a conceptual artist so when she was visiting I tried to get her to take the straws, but she wouldn't. :( Other things to amuse the fussy child at the grocery store include those rice or couscous mixes and the free samples. My kid can make a tablespoon of yogurt last half a grocery trip.

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    3. Ha! But just think of all the things she could have made with those straws!! That was a missed opportunity right there, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. Her loss! ;)

      My kid would eat the yogurt and then scream the place down that he only got one bite and was still hungry :)

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    4. OMG! Just read your article about grocery shopping with a toddler and it's hilarious!! I don't have kids (yet) but I used to take infants to the grocery store when I worked as a nanny. Much less hilarious and, I now realize, much more manageable! Aside from having to carefully schedule around their naps and bottles, it worked great because they loved looking around at all the things and people! I had one adorable little one-year-old whose first word was "Hi" and whenever I would take her grocery shopping, she would literally say "Hi! Hi! Hi!" to like, everyone we passed in the whole store. It was super cute! I miss her! She is now two and probably much more difficult to take grocery shopping if your article is any indication, LOL!

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    5. PS does the "censorship" also apply to spam? I see you have a couple of spammy comments at the bottom of this comment thread

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    6. Ugh, the spam! Thanks, I removed it :) I think it was posted before I put the filter on, and is the main reason I even put the filter on. I was getting upwards of 30 of those a day!

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  9. If I saw clowns anywhere, I would run away screaming, and I don't even have any bad childhood associations with clowns, I just find them unbelievably scary.

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  10. Read this blog post and had to laugh out loud! It was great.

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