Thursday, January 22, 2015

Things That Make You Ask "Why?" Part 9


Wow, I think this is the longest we have gone without a "Things That Make You Ask "Why?" post. After the last few heavy posts I figure we need some cheering up here! So without further ado, I bring you the crazy, the strange, and the weird, all courtesy of my camera phone.

Why is this woman walking around with her hair in foil and wearing a salon cape? Because she came out of the hair salon, started walking towards my friends at I in Starbucks, and while we were thinking "that's smart, she is going to get a coffee while her hair sets," she surprised us all by walking into the liquor store instead. It was nine am. To each their own!



Why am I on a farm? Actually, I wasn't. I mean I was, but I was also at a business meeting. I was giving a presentation for the nonprofit and when you live where I do you are never surprised when you pull up to a farm for a business meeting (they renovate farm buildings into anything and everything these days). This was actually the third time this has happened! I had to chuckle to myself as I thought of my other nonprofit founders in their respectable offices and I'm wandering around a farm while looking in different barns for the director of the organization.




Why am I in a box?


Why not?

So get this; I ordered a pillow off amazon because an unnamed child puked on theirs. It wasn't any special kind of pillow, just a simple, relatively flat, cheap, pillow.

It came in this HUGE box, in bubble wrap, and surrounded by packing peanuts. IT'S A PILLOW. What's going to happen to it, it gets dented?

Naturally we decided to take pictures in the box. Just because.



I actually got my Girl Child's full size bed mattress off amazon and I kid you not it came in a box the size of a men's shoebox. I was so confused by what might be in the box (because surely it could not have been a mattress) that without hesitation I stuck a knife through the packing tape and to my surprise (and horror) a FULL SIZED MATTRESS exploded out of the box like a scene involving an inflatable raft in a comedy movie. Let me tell you, that thing assumed its shape at the speed of light. It happened so fast that it actually hit me in the face (hard enough that I needed an icepack) and the Girl Child got knocked over. I then had to lug the "just add air" full sized mattress up the stairs.

Why did they feel the need to replace the word "see" with a giant letter "C?" Do you think the sign company charged by the letter? They don't seem to have saved any space so that couldn't have been the issue...




Why does this annoy me so much? "Ok kids, let's buy bananas so we can eat them next week!"




Why were both of my kids (and myself) born with ear cartilage piercings? Like no really, I'm asking, why? Does anyone have an answer for this?


The Girl Child

The Boy Child

Why they have thought of everything haven't they!? "No need for pockets or fanny packs, we can just carry everything on our heads now! Those keys won't feel strange at all bouncing around on your head while you run!"




Why did I have such a hard time finding a dress for an event I had to go to?

Because dresses are a lot more colorful than I remember them being...






And the ones that weren't colorful, just weren't.....my style..... 



Actually, it has been a long time since I have gone clothes shopping. The styles sure have changed.


Also, when did the mannequins get so bitchy?

"Girl did you hear what Anna said about Kelsey?"

"Bitch I told you to stop talking smack about my sister!"
"Whatever, it's not like we are friends anyways."

Why are these individual apples so expensive? Unless it comes on a stick and is covered in caramel and peanuts, I don't think I will be paying $8.99 per apple.




Why did I take a picture of this mans feet?




Because it's not everyday you see someone with snowshoe sized feet. That was pretty incredible.



Why does Payless now sell what appears to be rubber prison shower shoes?


Why not run on the treadmill in a puffy winter coat?  You might run so fast the breeze will chill you so it's better to plan ahead!



Why bother leaving a note for someone telling them you want to buy their camper when you can just duct tape the message to their back door? Better add an arrow just to make sure they see it.

One of several duct taped messages left on The Detective Whose Name I Do Not Like's windows by a guy who wanted to  buy his camper.

Why not pop your zits in the middle of Walgreens? THERE ARE TOO MANY REASONS TO LIST OF WHY YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS. Don't even get me started...



Why is the kid in the picture so happy? Because someone without children just bought him this teddy bear. No parent on the face of the earth would willingly buy a stuffed animal bigger than their sofa. Us parents barely like the little stuffed animals you buy our kids because while the kids are sleeping the stuffed animals spawn and procreate and take over our houses. We don't need a teddy on steroids.


Here! I bought your kid a couch that's shaped like a teddy bear!

Why stop at a purple door and shutters? What, no purple roof? Garage door perhaps?




Why this is a nice restaurant my date took me to.




At least I can still get a big ole' glass of Mellow Yellow or Mr. Pib.




Why haven't we invented spell check for signs yet?



Why did I use a snow shovel to clean my client's playroom?


Because when I got there it looked like this:



I did have a pretty good laugh thought when I found this robot hand. It was on a long stick with a handle at the end. When you squeezed the handle the hand was supposed to close.


I think it might be broken though because now it just does this.


The homeowner asked me if there were any toys I wanted to take for my kids and I'll admit I thought about taking the obscene robot hand for myself. I mean really, how awesome would it be to be able to tap on the window of the car that cut you off and flip them off?

Just sayin'....

Hopefully those made up for lost time! 


37 comments:

  1. So fun! I love reading things that make you ask why. You take photos of everything! Do people ever look at you funny like why is this woman taking photos of me?? I'm just at the gym!

    Maybe the woman was trying to sweat.

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    1. Yea, I take pictures of everything. EVERYTHING. You just never know when you might need that picture!!

      I'm pretty incognito with my pic snapping, I wasn't even facing her when I took that one. I try to be respectful and make it all in good fun (you won't find me posting the pic with her face not-cropped-out on my personal facebook account or anything) Sweating was my best guess :)

      Now zit popping woman, look lady, if I have to watch you do creepy and inappropriate things then I'm going to return the favor and take pictures of you.

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  2. You're right. I don't believe I'm cool enough to sit with those mannequins.

    Actually, I'd prefer to show those mannequins what I think of them with that plastic grabber.

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  3. BAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAAA!!!! I needed that today!!!

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  4. Glad you're feeling better after the break-up. Dating is hard! Especially with kids in the picture. Understatement. ;)

    I have a request. Can you write about how to set up an anonymous PayPal account for accepting donations on a blog? I'm a single (divorced) mom and I want to start a blog with inexpensive DIY home improvement projects for women. I would like to put a donation button on my blog but I also want to stay anonymous because for the sake of me and my kiddles. Did you set it up as business account or personal or under the "products and services" tag? It's rather confusing with so many options. So please with cupcakes on top post a step by step tutorial.

    (My ex ditched us for another woman and is paying for her kids to have every possible advantage in life while we are just barely making ends meet).

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    1. Hi Sayde! I had a heck of a time figuring it out and I'm not sure I'd be the best person to ask for a step-by-step process only because I could NOT figure it out. I eventually called PayPal and they walked me through it. They were really patient, answered my 100 questions, and eventually helped me figure it out.

      I'm so sorry to hear about your ex :( I will NEVER understand some people. :( When you get your blog up and running please share the link!!

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  5. Oh my gosh, that playroom! Just...dare I ask how? And how the heck did you manage to CLEAN that room? Yikes!

    I'm putting my pennies away (yay, Coinstar Amazon gift cards!) for a mattress on Amazon. Good to know the darn things explode. I shall open with extreme caution.

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    1. It's crazy isn't it? She has me come out every 9 months or so and dig the room out. I literally make piles of toys all over her entire house; stuffed animals, cars, action figures, etc. Then it takes me a good two hours to sort through the legos, playmobile people, puzzle pieces, game pieces, and everything else that blankets the floor.

      It's insane and I don't understand it, but honestly it's easy money. I just listen to some podcast episodes while I work and at the end of the day she pays me with a weeks worth of my salary :D

      BEWARE THE MATTRESS

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    2. I swear it would take me a week to tackle that room. I'm so bad at cleaning, haha.

      And podcasts, eh? I've been curious about those for a while. Never listened to them but they sound like a good idea. What ones do you like, if you don't mind me asking?

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    3. Philosophy dude and I just worked our way through "Serial." It was pretty good, have you heard of it?

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  6. I wear a jacket at the gym because the place is freezing. Especially before I get warmed up. I can always take off the jacket if I get overheated.

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    1. I think a lot of people do that, it's just so funny looking. I should totally wear like a scarf and ear muffs or something and see who takes my picture.

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  7. Those are awesome!!! Love the giant-footed guy. And there's a whole website devoted to the insanity of Amazon's packing. $9 for an apple??? I love Honeycrisp, but dayum. Zitlady=vomit. And the reason the garage door isn't purple is they used all the paint on the shutters. Don't worry, they'll get more soon.

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    1. I need to look at that Amazon site lol! Yea I thought that was a little pricey for apples. I mean even if it was supposed to say like "per pound" that would still be expensive! Five pounds maybe??

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    2. I'm guessing it was those like paper bags of apples or something. I'm looking for the Amazon thing now.....Just do a search for "crazy Amazon packing". lol

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  8. I have 2 giant footed guys in my house. I married the mens size 13. My son, the 13 year old, wears a mens size 12. My daughter, the just turned 9 year old, already wears a woman's size 5. I am a regular size 8. Apparently, I make amazon babies.

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    1. That's crazy lol!! The philosophy guy wore a 14. A FOURTEEN. It was like he had snow shoe sized feet!! I'm a 7 but oddly enough used to be a size 8.5, my foot surgeries made my feet smaller!

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    2. We won't even go into how tall they all are! I am just under 5'5". Average height for a woman. At this rate I am going to be a midget compared to my family! Lol!

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  9. Public zit popping is repulsive.

    My son and I were at a public pool a few years ago, and I witnessed a pre-teen girl (standing about 6 feet away from me) popping her Dad's back zits IN THE POOL. Are you offing kidding me. I gagged and have never gone back.

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    1. I would have died. That is so totally repulsive. What is WRONG with people! And I'm like the least judgy person ever but THERE IS A LIMIT.

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  10. Disagree! I love the green bananas!! Whenever I buy bananas half of them turn to mush before we eat them. I love the greens - I feel like we have a chance to get through them. My husband calls it investing in banana futures. Hahahaha.

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    1. Haha! Investing in banana futures. Nice! I feel like they go from green to brown and it drives me crazy!

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  11. Whoa, Mello Yello at a fancy restaurant? I haven't seen that around my area in YEARS. Once on a trip out of state we stopped at this like, truck stop place, and I almost died when I found out they had it. Like I thought that stuff disappeared into the 90s with cassette tapes and Blockbuster?

    Also, I can relate to that guy, as I have size 14 feet. I order all my shoes online because I can never find a store that has my size, let alone something I'd want.

    I'm glad you got back to doing these things, you should definitely keep them going!

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    1. Isn't that wierd!? I didn't even know they still made that stuff and it was even stranger bc their non alchoholic menu was so limited to begin with!

      So you have snow shoe feet too? The philosophy dude had size 14 feet and had the same problem!

      Yea I hadn't realized it had been so long since I did one of these posts, I'll have to get my act together!

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    2. Eden, what is it with you and big feet? You also said that philosopher dude had "clown feet", LOL...I think any man's feet would look big next to yours since you're so petite!

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  12. That's pretty unkind to take pictures just to mock people. What if they are having a rough go? That would really discourage me :(

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    1. I think if it were any other blogger I would say the same thing, but Eden's written a ton of posts making fun of herself, and herself at the gym specifically. I don't think she is mocking anyone but just finds humor in things. She merely pointed out how funny the jacket looked, but didn't make fun of the person and did block her face out. She also said in a previous comment that she made sure the person didn't see her (anyone can sneak take pictures these days, it just looks like you are looking at your phone) so I don't think she discouraged anyone. I'm by no means trolling your comment, just offering another perspective :)

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    2. Sorry if I offended, I mean to harm and was simply chuckling at how funny it looked, just like I laugh at myself often :)

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  13. I think that the foil hair woman went to the liquor store to get CIGARETTES! (I betcha!)

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    1. Ooohhh I had not thought of that! Could be!!!

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  14. PLEASE take the robot hand... you NEED it! Just imagine all the stress you could work off at the end of the day by sitting on the couch and waving it around and thinking of all the times every day you could've used it in various ways and situations (and didn't, but intention counts too!)

    Heck, you could even start a new saying... "well, ROBOT HAND to YOU!" (Kind of like the off with their head one from Alice in Wonderland.)

    Plus, now that it's more of an adult item due to the specifics of its function malfunction, I'm sure they probably don't want their kids playing with it any more anyway, right?

    Although I have to say, anybody who lets the playroom get that bad before getting it cleared out is probably a pretty casual parent... Many parents would just make the kid(s) put stuff away (gasp!)

    But I'm sure you aren't complaining, since it gives you some bucks and an amusing if tedious task. (Seriously though, imagine kids being able to have such freedom to trash a place and the option to have such general disrespect for their stuff. Not really doing them a favor, is it?)

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    1. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I really wish I had taken the robot hand! Man, I could have done an entire blog post on "robot handing" people. Aw boo.

      I can't imagine what she pays me is even worth the cost of everything in that room, but to each thier own I guess! I sure appreciate the money and she is a very nice woman.

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  15. You skipped 6!

    :)

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    1. OH MY GOSH YOU'RE RIGHT!! I wonder how I didn't notice that, or anyone else until now for that matter! Maybe I'll just leave it like that....a blog mystery....

      Good eye my friend ;)

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