Thursday, March 3, 2016

In The Meantime, I Can't Help But Wonder

Court yesterday.....



Got continued.

Yea I know.

Gah.

Surprise, surprise, my ex was unprepared. He showed up claiming that he hadn't done what the judge had ordered him to do, because we didn't have court until the 9th.

Um, no, clearly court was yesterday, which he must have known, SINCE HE SHOWED UP ON THE DAY THAT WE HAD COURT. WHICH WAS YESTERDAY. IN THE COURTHOUSE. WHERE HE WAS STANDING. BECAUSE HE KNEW WE HAD COURT.

So yea, none of that made any sense, which is much like every encounter that I have with him, and am always left shaking my head and thinking "wtf just happened?"

The hearing was continued and now isn't for another 6 weeks, and to say that I'm frustrated would be the understatement of the century. I've been working off the mental mindset that I just needed to make it to yesterday; that I just needed to hold myself together and get through court, and then I could put it all behind me.

But now I've just added six weeks to my already stressed emotional state; six more weeks until I can put my ex back where he belongs; out of my mind.

But I can't change this. There is nothing that I can do to change this, so I'll wait.

I'll wait, and I'll enjoy spending my time with my two beautiful kids, and the new man in my life who understands just how frustrated I am. And I'll be thankful that for the first time in my life, instead of having someone run away from the craziness that surrounds me, I have someone who is wrapping their arms around me and sharing in the burden of drying up my tears.


So today I'll enjoy that, and since I have no choice, I'll worry about court next month.

Again.

But in the meantime, I can't help but wonder how long this new man will be able to deal with everything that I'm struggling to deal with; things that unlike him, I can't walk away from.

And so tonight, as I sit here typing this, it's dawning on me that now I have six weeks to find out if I'm a little too damaged to even let him try.




28 comments:

  1. How frustrating to have the court date reset again! If your new man is smart, he will recognize what a great woman and mom you are and stick around forever. Best wishes to you!

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  2. Honey, he knows your damage. He sees your scars. Believe me, you're not fooling this guy. He is choosing to be where he is, and he is chasing you. All of you. Your past, your presence, and your future.

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    1. And just so you know, "He sees your damage" does not equal "You're damaged". It means he see's what went wrong in your life, the things that had an impact on you. Collateral damage, baggage, as we all have to one extend or another. I wanted to clarify that.

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  3. I think you should give him a shot. He knows what your life could/does entail, and if he's still with you, then he's ready to help you face whatever challenges come up.

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  4. Just take it one step at a time. We're all rooting for you, especially those of us who have very similar stories. Just breathe...

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  5. Let him decide. If it's too much for him, I mean. If it's too much for you, that's okay. It's whatever works for you.

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  6. I went through the same challenges with my ex and never ending court. My then boyfriend and now husband stood by me, loved me, supported me, and I didn't understand how or why at the time. I thought he was crazy and on many occasions told him so and gave him permission to walk away from my crazy train. He didnt. He smiled and hugged me and told me that he loved me. He would be there for me when I needed it and when I thought I didnt. Eden, that is a man who loves you. Thank god I let him. He was one of the best decisions I ever made. Her helps me hold my pieces together, we are a team. Let this man show you that kind of love. You are worth it. Show your son how a man treats a women and your daughter how she should be treated. Good luck. Hang in there.

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    1. It certainly sounds like you found yourself an AMAZING man. I hope I'm doing the same :)

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  7. BECAUSE you are so damaged, let him try. If you don't have this happiness in your life, "they" win. Besides, maybe that is why he was sent to you. -Another one that was probably too damaged, but "let him." But it was the right decision.

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  8. I would be willing to bet that as hard as you are on yourself for bringing "damage" to the relationship, that you are twice as understanding when he brings damage into it. No one is perfect, we all bring burdens to the table in one way or another, but after getting to know you through this blog, and seeing how accepting you are of people, I'm willing to bet that you accept him for the issues he brings. So please be willing to allow him to do the same for you. You're worth it, we all know it, it's why we are here. Please believe as much in you as you always do in us.

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  9. There will definitely be someone who wants to help you through the craziness and it sounds as though you already have him. Don't push him away because you're afraid he may end up leaving. Give him a chance; you just may find it was worth it.
    Sorry that court didn't turn out better. The judge was entirely too nice to him. Good luck.

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  10. If hes a real man he will be able to deal with it, he will hopefully have the strength when you don't it's what being a couple is all about. It's not you and me but "US" and you and your kids are part of that equation and yeah oh someone else said it you're worth it!

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  11. Frisbee Boys MomMarch 4, 2016 at 9:55 AM

    All I'll say is ditto to all of the above.
    He's a good guy going into this relationship with his eyes wide open. Let him show you how it should be, for however long it is! You deserve it.
    Love you hon! ♡

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    1. Thanks "mom!"

      P.S. I still have your tablet in my car!

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  12. Sorry for your troubles, but I don't think these court dates are productive. They read like a feedback loop of "lasts", which you know are never really "lasts"--

    The last timeI take him to court
    The last time I ask him for child support
    The last time I let him cry his way out of a court date
    The last time I have to be this kind of hero for my kids.

    Empowering, at this point, is letting go, as harsh as that may sound. You will never get that epic moment where you stand in court, triumphant over your abuser, and replaying it endlessly like this takes away from time and energy that is needed, and better served, elsewhere.

    I am only saying this because life, and relationships, can be ugly and not terribly cathartic. This may not end the way you want it to in court, and it's time to start walking away.

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    1. I feel like you missed her point though, because she is walking away. She said she's done and she doesn't want to battle this forever, but she wants one court date where she didn't settle on an agreement just because he wanted her to. I don't think it's unreasonable for her to have one last hurrah, where she fought the way she wanted to, before she moves on. Yea I'm sure there will be other court dates for her, it's the nature of the beast when you have a divorce, but to have one final emotionally invested court date where she fights the way she wants to may be part of her healing process.

      -From someone who has been there

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  13. You are not damaged, sweet lady - you are strong and a warrior and wear those stripes with pride. As I have commented - you have people in the world sending you support and love and holding you in their thoughts. Let that guy give you a big bear hug and let the worries drift away (if just for one second) - and we will all just hope that in 6 weeks, they drift away for good.

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  14. My father told the marriage counselor that he didn't understand why my mother was so upset about his drug and alcohol abuse. He drives better, thinks better, works better, etc. when he's drunk and after he's smoked a bit of pot. He then told the judge the same thing after my parents divorced and he was trying to get joint custody.

    "Your honor, I'd like it stated for the record that when I am stoned and drunk, I'm a much safer driver and am better able to pay attention to my children..."

    It didn't go over well.

    *hugs*

    You can do this. You've made it this far. You can keep going. You can make it all the way to the end.

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    1. I. Can't. Even.

      Some people are so stupid that the fact that they have somehow made it into adulthood, utterly astounds me.

      Good grief!

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  15. I wonder how a lot of people in this world manage to put their pants on the right way and their shoes on the right feet, and then go on to function as semi-productive adults.

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  16. Hi, Eden
    I lurk way more than I post, but I just have to say I admire how, despite how hard your life has been, you continue to put your children first. I can relate to some of what you've been through, I have been through a hellish year of court with my ex, who was arrested and convicted of assault against me, then accused me of international abduction of our child. I digress, but what I want to say is keep doing a good job, Eden

    -Miranda

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    1. I'm glad you posted!! Yay for de-lurking!

      I'm so sorry that you have gone through all of that. Even though the story is not unfamiliar to me, I still can't seem to even imagine it :( I hope that you are doing better now.

      Many, many, *hugs*

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