I'll Take The Fluffy Monkey Please

This summer has brought with it a new realization that I have transitioned in a big way. When my ex first left I was trying to survive not only the trauma of him leaving and the start of my recovery, but I was buried alive in motherhood as well. I had a toddler and a nursing baby and as any new-ish mother can attest to, that's a lot. I was up all night with an infant and running all day after a toddler. I was in court for my divorce, re-entering the workforce, looking for daycare, refinancing the house, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, parenting, dealing with the kids medical issues, maintaining our lives, and doing it all without the help of my family.

Most days I just felt like I was in autopilot. Lost in a sea of laundry and diapers, paperwork and court dates, state benefit applications and kids, tears and grief, I was just doing anything and everything that I needed to do in order to survive.

I spent my most of my days having no real logical conversations with anyone, because the only people I lived with either didn't know how to talk, or only wanted to talk about crayons. To top it off I was working as a nanny and so from the hours of 6:30am to 5pm I was alone with a 6 month old, a 7 month old, a 1 year old, and a 3 year old; only to come home to an empty house with a child on each hip.

It was isolating, overwhelming, and most days, depressing.

Now suddenly here I am with a preschool and a 2nd grader.

My kids are still little, 4 and 7 is hardly grown up, but they aren't babies anymore, they are kids. And with all the blessings of that change comes with it a whole new set of challenges. 

Another Look Inside My Phone

I was clearing out the texts and emails on my phone the other day and I realized that it had been a while since I had given you a peek in here, so eh, why not? 

For some reason none of my computer editing software allows me to crop screen shots so please excuse the haphazard sloppy pics, it was the best I could do unless I cropped them all on my phone and quite frankly, I don't have that much time, especially when I've been busy dealing with things like this:

Speaking of problems, let's talk about autocorrect problems. #itsarealthing

I'm the ugly peach color speech bubbles!

Sometimes though, I can't even blame autocorrect for the stupid shit I say. For example, I try and message each of my nonprofit board members every couple of weeks just to tell them that I hope they have a great day. Well this particular board member texted back saying thank you and that I was "incredible." Here is my total failure in replying back.

That Time I Handed A Duffle Bag Full Of Cash To A Dude In A Parking Lot

A couple weeks ago I was lying on the couch, a glass of wine in hand, and I was watching the movie "The Lincoln Lawyer." There's a scene in that movie where the main character — the lawyer — is in his car when his client pays him using a large envelope of cash. I found myself giggling because you can't get anymore straight edged when it comes to how seriously Mr. Attorney Man takes his career and his license (rightfully so), so the thought of him handling a business transaction out of the back of a car was kind of funny.

I like funny.

I drank a little more wine, laughed a bit more to myself, and when I went to bed that night an idea was already rolling around in my head as I thought about the money that I was supposed to be paying Mr. Attorney Man the very next week.

Oh what perfect timing!

Are you getting excited yet?

I was.

A Dance Recital (Fiasco) Update And A Bit Of Bad News

Hi!!

Sorry it's been a bit silent over here.

A project for the nonprofit was sucking up all of my time and as I finally hit the tail end of that, I was slammed with the news that a dear friend of mine (who was also my children's babysitter) died suddenly over the weekend. I'm most definitely not complaining about this being an inconvenience to me, but I've had to change up my week in order to dedicate the attention that she deserves to her funeral and wake. In light of that I just wanted to pop in here and let you guys know why it's been quiet over here and why it might continue to be for the next couple of days.

She was an amazing woman who dearly loved on me and my kids, going above and beyond babysitting by regularly bringing us groceries, meals, or taking us all out for a meal and then somewhere for the kids to play. My children loved her and her husband very much and I'm dreading having to tell the kids that she is gone.

I really don't want to tell them.

As I'm sitting here on the couch I can already feel the emptiness of her missing presence next to me; she was someone who would wait for me to get home at night when she was babysitting, and then rather than leave, she would settle further into the couch so that we could chat.

Please keep not only my family, but also her husband and children in your prayers, she will be unbelievably missed.

Also, I know that you guys have been patiently waiting for me to tell you what I decided to do about The Girl Child's dance recital routine (which I had just found out was wildly inappropriate), and I promise I haven't been ignoring your emails! I've been trying to find the time to write a post about it for days, but as I just explained it's been a bit hectic around here.

So rather than keep you waiting any longer I'm going to void the idea of writing a whole blog post about it and just give you the cliff notes version of what happened:

I Know I'm Being Irrational, But...

Hey, so as a follow up to the post "I'm Here" do you want to hear something that nearly caused me to fall out of bed when I saw it on Facebook?

Of course you do.

Alright so if you remember from that post, as I'm sure you do, my family throws an INSANE 4th of July party... it's huge... people come from all over... yadda yadda yadda (just click here if you want the rest of the story).

Ok so anyway take a look at the pictures I am going to post below. I know that you have already seen them in the post "the life that is lived here," and I'm sure you are tired of looking at pictures from where my family lives, but look at them again anyway. They were all taken at my family's houses, (aka the house that I lived in for a while or that other various family members own — yes, multiple family members live in the same neighborhood).

My Ex

I'm Finally Here

My family is well known for their 4th of July parties.

Now when I say known, I mean KNOWN. In fact around this time every year I start hearing from "friends" whom I have not heard from since last July. It's an event that people look forward to every year and with good reason.

What started out as a small family party has grown into something that I'm not even sure I can adequately describe, but I'll try.

As you've seen from prior posts, a lot of my family lives in a very wealthy neighborhood that is situated around a lake about 15 minutes away from my house. Over a decade ago my extended family decided that they were going to throw a 4th of July party, and it just so happened that they had the perfect place to set off a fireworks display; on the island in the middle of the lake (because the police couldn't get to them without a boat).

The party was a hit, everyone had a great time, and in keeping with the trend that is my family, when the next year rolled around the idea was "hey, that was fun, so do you know what would be more fun? If we did it bigger!"

And so they did.

I'm Still A Victim

It has been a long day after a long week.

I hit the ground running Monday morning after three days packed full of 4^th of July festivities, and I haven't stopped since. 

Tonight when the kids were finally sleeping hard in their beds, I found myself rummaging through the fridge — not really hungry but at the same time starving — probably more just looking for something to entertain me. I ended up making a bag of microwave popcorn that a babysitter had left on my counter, pouring myself a glass of cheap wine, and almost breaking my neck falling off a chair while trying to reach the peanut M&M’s on the top shelf of my pantry — the same spot where they have been hiding since I chucked them up there 6 months earlier.

Basically I was just ready to stuff my face and zone out in front of the TV.

I grabbed 3 pillows (which in case you were unaware, is the exact amount needed for total relaxation), and I threw my body on the couch as if I were a teenager on prom night.

Flipping through the channels I paused for a minute on Law & Order before deciding that the plotline required entirely too much thinking for the level of relaxation that I was aiming for. I quickly changed the channel to some reality show about hillbillies which only caused me to start gulping my wine, and I prayed for the future of our country. After continuing to scroll through the channel line-up, I finally landed on a movie that seemed dense enough that I wouldn’t have to pay all that much attention to what was going on, in order to actually know what was going on.

Perfect! Entertaining, yet no real thought process required.

(I have like 30 blonde jokes running through my head right now…)

But then, 25 minutes into the movie, all that changed.

How To Live Within The Space You Have

It has been a while since I've done any house topic posts, so... how about closets?

Do you ever feel like the closet space you have, or lack thereof, just isn’t working for you? Just because a space is not laid out in a way that is suitable to your style of living doesn’t mean that with a few easy changes you can’t make it into a space that better suits your lifestyle.

Small Closet:

Didn’t get that walk in closet that you were dreaming of? Yea, me either. I got the standard “one bar hanging rack with overhead shelf that is 12 inches above my head" closet.

But, builder standard doesn’t mean that for less than $50 you can’t have your own custom made closet!

By moving the top shelf down 18 inches and mounting a standard wall bracket that attaches to adjustable shelving below it, I was able to give myself ample storage space. I added a few bins from the $1 store to hold things like bras and socks and I now have a cheap,  yet custom, closet system that works much better for not only my lifestyle, but for my height as well.

Closet #1

Oh My Goodness, I Need Advice

Alright, I need some advice.

I have absolutely no idea what to do about a situation with my daughter and a dance class she is in, and you guys are super smart, so please send advice!

My daughter, The Girl Child, has been dancing since she was three.

If You Want Them To Notice You...

When I was 18 I broke my foot for the umpteenth time and I was forced to leave my job because of it (I was non weight bearing for 3 months). Despite the fact that I had spent the last several years in and out of my parent’s house, at that point I was currently living at home.

Living at home that is, until the night that I went home only to find out that my parents had changed the locks and left me a note taped to the front door stating that I no longer lived there.

With nowhere to go I spent the next several weeks sleeping on a futon in my ex's (at the time boyfriend's) roach infested apartment. 

So there I was; tossed out by my family, able to walk, no job, no money, and living in a roach infested apartment on a futon. To say that I was beyond miserable would be the understatement of the century. I had no money, no means of escape, and in a story for another time, I’m 99% sure my ex had drugged me in a failed attempt to have sex with me.

I wanted to die.