So.....I bet you are all wondering what has been going on since my crazy ex shot out my daughter's window, right?
Well, I'm not trying to keep anyone in suspense, I just don't have much to tell. I didn't go into much detail in the last post, but the cop that showed up was actually really nice. My daughter was hiding under my son's crib when he showed up. I explained to him that the last time she had seen the police was back in October when they stormed the house and ran into her room with their guns drawn, thoroughly freaking her out. The cop got down on the floor and whispered to her "what are we hiding from?" She whispered back "I'm hiding from you!"
"Hiding from me!?" he exclaimed. "Why are you hiding from me!? Am I scary? I don't want to be scary!" Then he looked in the mirror and pretended to freak out at his reflection. Once he had both of the kids laughing, my daughter slowly crept out from under the bed. He got down to her level and told her "I'm here to help you, you don't need to be afraid of me, I'm here to help."
With that my boy child grabbed his hand, led him over to the corner of his room, pointed to a broken light, and said "I need you help me fix my white (light)." Then, to my surprise, the cop FIXED it. Score!
After that he took a look at the house, confirmed that it had been shot, and asked me a bunch of questions. His exact words were "if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's a duck. We both know your ex did this but unfortunately we have no proof."
Before he left he handed me his business card with his cell phone number written on it and told me that he had just transferred from another unit and would be "working my block" from now on, so if I needed anything I should call 911 and then call him directly.
About twenty minutes after he left, he called me and told me that he just wanted to let me know that my kids had really made his day and that he was serious about wanting to keep my family safe. That is really sweet and significantly better treatment than I've gotten from anyone else in my county, but still, I'm scared.
Aside from fleeing the town and assuming a new identity, there isn't much that I can do about it. I have a home alarm, I moved my 911 phone next to my bed, I've talked with the neighbors, alerted the police, and yet, I feel absolutely unsafe. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what else I can do. Thanks to a few of you awesome readers my new camera for the outside should be arriving soon, which is awesome, but it scares me to think that I have to wait until something else happens to be able to stop him. It terrifies me actually.
I don't know what to do and I don't know what I can do.
In the meantime, the girl child is still sleeping on the floor since I can't afford to fix her window and the layout of her room means the only place that the bed can go is against her nearly floor length window.
|Apparently now not only does she sleep on her floor, but she falls asleep in slippers while huffing scented candles|
Remember how I told you guys that when my ex left I had sold nearly everything that I owned except for essential furniture? Well, now I've gotten to the point where I am now selling the essential furniture. I sold my bed, the armchair, and the bedding set in my room to try and make a little money to get the window fixed.
Who knew window's were so expensive! I've had people out here all week quoting and the lowest quote that I got was several hundred dollars more than I have. Ugh. UGH.
Since there really isn't anything I can do about that right now, I've just been trying to keep my mind off of it.
Thanks to a scholarship that significantly reduced the class fees, the girl child was finally able to get back into ballet, a passion that while I possess, I've been pretty excited to see her seek out on her own. It is actually really funny to watch her because she is by far the tiniest person in her class.
The boy child was gifted a trip to the children's museum for his birthday, where we spent most of our time "biwding sings for mommy (building things for mommy)"
I live about three minutes from my town's downtown area, where during the summer they hold different events three times a week. Friday nights they have family movie night in the park. "Movie night" meaning the entire fire department comes so that the kids can climb on and in the trucks, food vendors bring their food trucks, the park district runs activities and games, music plays, and businesses attend to give away various trinkets and toys that I desperately try and steer my kids away from, because really, how many beach balls and plastic fire hats does one family really need?
My friends and neighbors meet there where we have a picnic dinner and once the sun goes down, the movie starts. We love it and because it is free, it is one of the only times that I feel like my kids are able to have the same experience's as everyone around them without having to be some sort of "charity child."
Aside from continuing on in our daily lives, I don't know what else to do except to keep moving forward from this situation. I feel like I should be doing something, something to keep us all safe and to secure a better life for us, but I don't know what to do. I'm completely lost and to be honest, it doesn't feel very good.
The only thing that I know how to do is to not let the kids know that mommy is completely freaking out. To keep going to ballet, to keep attending the festivals, to keep having play dates at the park, to continue on as if nothing is wrong.
I so desperately just want to make everything ok for them. I want to know how to make my ex go away, I want to be able to afford to fix her window, I want to just be a "normal" family living a safe and happy life. I just want to give them the lives that they deserve, but I don't know how to make everything ok for them, because I don't even know how to make everything ok for myself.
I'm not sure how long I can keep this up.