Monday, December 7, 2015

A Week With My OTHER Weirdo


As most of you know from my Facebook post, The Boy Child had a surgical follow up appointment last week. It was a week sooner than it was supposed to be but I had noticed a couple of things that had alarmed me a little bit and I wanted the doctor to take a look at him. The doctor sent him for a couple of tests before he saw him and after going over the test results, the doctor informed me that unfortunately the surgery had not been a success. I was pretty bummed, but you know what?

I can't do anything about this.

There is absolutely nothing that I can do except to wait for him to heal enough that we will be able to try again, and when that time comes, we will get through it.

We will.

But that's not today. So for now I'm choosing to turn my attention elsewhere and so today we are not going to be talking about surgery. Nope, we are going to talk about the fact that my son is crazy.

Adorable, but a total nutcase.

I actually wrote the remainder of this post back in October (when I wrote about how strange his sister was), but I never got around to posting it, and I have to tell you, he gives his sister a run for her money in the weirdo department. At just 4 years old, when he isn't busy washing his hands with a used urinal cake, he is doing other things that are just plain strange.

This is what it's like living with him for a week:

Monday:

"Let me show you the cut that I have on my finger."


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Tuesday:
One morning the outside of my townhouse was being painted. I only found that out when I got out of the shower, grabbed a towel, walked into my bedroom, and immediatly dropped to the floor behind my bed, because there was a man eye level with me on the outside of my 3rd floor bedroom window.

I was not expecting that.

I died.


The Boy Child had opened the blinds to see the painter, who was on a ladder and caulking the window frame. I don't know who was more surprised, the painter or me!

After I crawled back to the bathroom, resuscitated myself, and screamed at the top of my lungs for The Boy Child to close the blinds, The Boy Child (totally unfazed by the fact that his mother was basically convulsing on the bathroom floor) asked me what the painter was holding.

"Caulk. He's caulking the window" I answered, all 4 times he asked me.

Apparently my answer (all 4 times) wasn't clear enough because when we went to leave later that morning, The Boy Child opened the front door and excitedly told the painter "my mommy said you have cock."

I died again.

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Wednesday:

I arrived at daycare where the kids were playing on the playground. The Boy Child comes running over to me and exitedly exclaims "Mom!! I ate dirt!! I spit some out though, so are you proud of me?"

Uh....sure....

We are 40 minutes into our 60 minute drive to the brain doctor when from the backseat I hear (in a wobbly voice) "mommy, I'm going to throw up."

One look in the rearview mirror alerts me to the fact that this is not a test and one look at the standstill traffic I'm in has me realize that we can't get out of the car. I'm screaming at his sister to dump the contents of her bookbag on the floor and give the bag to him (that's me, the ever prepared mom), and two seconds after gaining possetion of the bookbag, he throws up; DIRT.

He later gives me his explanation as to why he ate dirt, and you can watch that below. You will need to turn your volume up.

(If you are reading this via your email, you will have to click the blog post title link to view it on the actual blog. For some reason the videos do not appear within the email version).

Spoiler: It involves chocolate and worms.




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Thursday:


While buckling The Boy Child into his car seat on our way to daycare, I noticed that he still had his pajama shirt on, which was now under his sweater. Being a responsible parent I made him take it off, but being naieve, I failed to check his pants.

I was greeted by this when I picked him up from daycare later that evening.


His teacher told me that after I dropped him off, he took off his coat and hung it up, and then he took off his pants and hung them up, leaving him in pajama pants and a sweater.

BECAUSE HE'S NORMAL.

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Friday:

Courtesy of my Facebook page:


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Saturday:

We were sitting at a stoplight when The Boy Child noticed that the man in the car next to us was smoking.

Boy Child: "MOMMY!!!! CLOSE THE WINDOWS!! THAT GUY IS SMOKING!! Smoking is bad for you, right? You can get very sick from doing that. What does it do to you?"

Me: "Well, smoking can give you cancer because cigarettes have chemicals in them."

Boy Child: ((Looks confused))

Me: "Smoking can make your insides turn black and then you die." (Too harsh??)

Boy Child: (Looking horrified, he starts SCREAMING out the window to the man) "STOP SMOKING!! YOU'RE GOING TO GET BLACK INSIDES AND DIE!!!"

Me: "Stop! Stop doing that! You can't scream at strangers!

Him: "Well maybe his mommy never told him that his insides were going to turn black and then he would die. Who wants to die? Then he won't be able to go to work anymore!"




Dying. Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.

****************

Sunday:

Lying on my bed watching cartoons, The Boy Child rolled over and asked me if he could have breakfast. Never one to miss an opportunity to teach him something, I told him that he could have breakfast as soon as he answered a few questions for me.

"Ok!" he said, excited at the game we seemed to be playing.

"What color is the sky?" I asked him (and upon hearing myself say it I instantly wondered why I had asked him such an easy question). "Blue!!!" he exclaimed, totally proud of himself for knowing the answer.

"When is your birthday?" I asked him, and he replied with another correct answer (which if I'm being totally  honest here, surprised me).

"Ok, last question" I said. "How many toes do you have?"

Looking down at his sock covered feet, he seemed frozen in place as if her were trying to switch on his x-ray vision. Eventually he pulled the sock off one foot and started counting his toes.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Five toes!" he said, again being totally proud of himself.

I was a little shocked. How, at 4 years old, does my kid not know how many toes he has?

"And what about your other foot?" I asked him.

Looking completely and utterly annoyed, he looked down at his still sock covered foot, rolled his eyes, and in a very exasperated tone answered "I'll just count those ones tomorrow."




****************

Totally normal that kid, TOTALLY NORMAL.



And P.S., before I go, I think the above photo is the first time that I've ever looked at him and thought "huh. I think he kind of looks like me."

Maybe at some point I will actually look like I birthed one of my kids!

But the weirdness, that's all him.

Because we all know that I'm normal....


**************
Want To See How (Ab)Normal We Usually Are? Then Read These!

"And Then I Died"

"What The Hell?"

"Life In My House Is Strange"

"These Are All Actual Conversations"

"I Learned My Kids Were Weird From Facebook"

"Facebook Continues To Remind Me That My Kids Are Weird"

65 comments:

  1. Hi I just read your article on yahoo and wasn't sure how to get ahold of you privately, since i don't have Facebook, so found your blog and figured this could work. I know this sounds weird... But would you please email or text me at Brooke.fietz@gmail.com ??

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    1. me too - my name is melissa and I messaged you on facebook... check your message requests folder for something from me from tonight...

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    2. Hey Eden,just read your article on yahoo as well. can you email me at emvelasquez07@gmail.com please. Thanks ks

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    3. Hey Eden,just read your article on yahoo as well. can you email me at emvelasquez07@gmail.com please. Thanks ks

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    4. I'm sending you all an email, thank you SO much for reaching out!

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  2. He definitely has your eyes. And your sense of..........Individuality. :D

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    1. I think he has my jawline! So... are you calling me weird?

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  3. He's too cute. Kids are just so awesome.

    We have an almost three-year-old girl at work who recently learned a new word: Fart. She has an eight-year-old brother, which explains A LOT about her. Anyway, we were reading a Mickey Mouse book where all the characters were dressed up as bunnies, complete with puffy cotton ball tails. She gets all excited, starts clapping her hands, and proudly exclaims, "Look! Look! They all have farts! They're all farting! Just like me!"

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  4. He does have your eyes. Kids are awesome with how they view things and their sense if logic just makes me laugh.
    Sorry to hear about his surgery.

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    1. Kids are definitely a different type of human!

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  5. Please email me at meganharbridge@gmail.com. Just read your article this morning and would love to chat with you. Your story was amazing and so well written and we would love to be a pet of helping you with it!

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  6. Wanted to get your daughter a puppy surprise. Please contact me I can send it to your local Walmart. Would like to get something for your son as well. Contact me at cheri_gannon@yahoo.com. Thanks and God bless!

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  7. Your voice sounds very sweet and like Minnie Mouse.

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    1. You would not be the first person to tell me that I sound like Minnie Mouse!! How funny :)

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  8. Are you able to get a better full time job? Heck working at Mcdonald's would pay more than what you are making...and dogs are expensive....you need to get it together lol

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    1. She doesn't have a dog moron.

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  9. Someone on yahoo said she does...She is the moron! Anyone making $700 a month and on welfare is the moron. She is able bodied she needs to get a job!

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    1. Oh, I get it. Someone on Yahoo said it so it must be true!

      You haven't actually read any of her blog posts, have you? Yet here you are passing judgement on someone you know nothing about.

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  10. Someone on yahoo said she does...She is the moron! Anyone making $700 a month and on welfare is the moron. She is able bodied she needs to get a job!

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    1. Sue Jones, failed graduate of "school for the kids who can't read good." She has a special needs son and she works as much as she can. And since you seem to know everything, you probably also know that she has a rare genetic disorder that very well might not make her fully able bodied. She has no family to help her out, so she needs to be there for her kids. But coming from a person who thought she had a dog, I wouldn't have expected you to have read any of that.

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    2. I do have a hamster though. His name is Henry. I don't care what you think about that.

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    3. Sue!!! You must be one of the "I am perfect and my life is perfect so let me cast aspersions " club members! I was hoping I would stumble across one of you so you could give me insight on how to live my life!!! Can you give me some employment advice also?? I could do mc Donald's but would Burger King maybe be better? Also I need some advice on what pets I can have ... Is a bird too much ? Should I stick with a fish? I will wait anxiously for your reply!! Thanks!!!

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  11. You can't be that disabled if you have two little kids to take care of full time! But it does make sense how you are on disability. I couldn't figure that out. Hamsters cost money too....I am sure someone would babysit your kids so you can get a full time job. The one is school aged...a million excuses-get a job lady.

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    1. I think someone is jealous of the attention that Eden is receiving because there is no way that "Sue" can be that stupid, and if she really is, maybe she should apply for disability. And where does is say that Eden is on disability? Now you're just making shit up. And let's assume that she is disabled, where would you suggest her kids go? To the father she can't find or the parents she doesn't have? She HAS a job, her SON has SPECIAL NEEDS and so she MISSES a lot of work to take care of him. And what priviledged life do you come from where people just babysit for free? If you could actually READ, her children are in DAYCARE, but not when her son is in the HOSPITAL.

      I figured that if I used caps, maybe if would make more sense to you.

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    2. PLEASE BLOCK SUE JONES !!!!! She's trolling, her posts are disgusting !!!!!

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    3. Ok sue.. (Aspersions club member) you were cute a little further up but now you are just getting silly. How can you judge a perfect strangers life??? You read one friggin blog and you and Eden are on advice trading terms??? Get over yourself.. At this point I would listen to Donald trump over you....

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  12. Would love to help with Christmas for your kids, also. Please contact me at vossen2000@yahoo.com

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    1. Thank you Barbara, I sent you an email :)

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  13. Can I send your daughter the Puppy Surprise? Is there a special toy your son wanted? If so contact me, sweetpeasue08@yahoo.com God Bless

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    1. You guys are TOO MUCH!! I sent you an email :)

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  14. So glad others are on the same thought wave as me. My family would be honored to send you something...Your parenting article resonated so much with me. My childhood was much like your children... With the exception that there wasn't an attempt to shield my siblings and I from the adult issues. I lost my belief that magic and hope existed before I started school. I remember thinking I would have given anything to look at the world through my classmates eyes... I even pretended a few times. I know that Christmas and birthdays are much more then presents and gifts... I would only hope what little I can give would help to make sure that "much more" equals magic and hope. Don't worry someone near me will go with out because I sent a little to you. I am very active in our community and make sure to give back all I can to make sure kids get to hold on to the magic and hope for as long as they can!

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    1. I'm so sorry that you went through that :( And that you pretended just to fit in/ feel better. My heart breaks for you!

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  15. Oh my email is Jhemmja@Gmail.com just let me know how to get it to you

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  16. Do you have a wish list on Amazon? It would probably be the best way people could send gifts without you having to give out your address to the internet. :)

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    1. I do not, truthfully this is all very shocking to me. I write articles all the time about life's struggles and NEVER expected such an outpouring. I literally don't even know what to do with myself right now.

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  17. I myself was raised by a single mom and I very much understand the hardships behind it. My mom did the best she could with the little she had and for that I will always treasure her. In honor of her, I would like to help make things a little easier this Christmas for all of you. Please contact me at mcpena1012@yahoo.com.

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    1. It sounds like your mom did an amazing job :) Please thank her for me!

      I sent you an email.

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  18. How do I get in contact with you?

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    1. You can reach me at notmyshametobear@gmail.com

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  19. you and your family are not weird you are a normal family in Gods eyes . your family may do a lot of funny things and say things that are funny! that is how God made you and that is ok !don't let others change who you are. there are a lot of people who would like to help. may God bless you with his peace, grace and love.<3 you may also contact me through here anytime

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    1. God sure does have an awesome sense of humor :)

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  20. Can I send your daughter the Puppy Surprise? Is there a special toy your son wanted? If so contact me, mariella_rodriguez@yahoo.com God Bless

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  21. I never , and I mean never, write in comment sections but if i didn't say this out loud I was afraid my soul would explode. I reread your post with the open mic question session... I cannot believe the unmitigated gaul people have!!!! " your poor .. Why do you drink? Date? Feed your kids healthy food? ..."good god !!!! So being financially strapped means you should walk around naked , lonely and eating pop tarts?!?!?!?! Ahhhh!!! Well to cleanse the question palate I am asking one that i hope you will answer... I too have children with food allergies and a limited budget .. Any food stretching suggestions ? ( you may or may not have already gotten this question but for the sake of my survival I had to stop reading the question / answer post...

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    1. I actually laughed out loud at the naked poptart eating. People are crazy lol!! I do have a few cheap recipe idea's up, click on the tab on the left hand side of the blog that says "Food." I also have one post that is sitting in my draft box that I should probably publish soon, but it has more recipes! All healthy and made on a slim budget, designed to save time :)

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  22. Read your article from your blog and would love to help you and your kids in any way so that you may have a magical christmas. I'm sure many have offered to get your little girl a puppy surprise is there anything else my family can help you with like something you may need for yourself or even just a plain gift card so you can do with it as you need and please. Please contact me at maribel.deanda87@gmail.com. God bless you and you're beautiful family.

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    1. You have all overwhelmed me with kindness!! Thank you!!

      I sent you an email :)

      You guys rock!

      Delete
  23. I was a single mom at 21 many years ago and understand the weight on your shoulders! I'd love to help be a secret santa! Amazon wish list or even target gift registry might be a good thing to set up! Please email me at ekingdrugsafety@yahoo.com

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    1. Not in my WILDEST dreams could I have expected a response like this to my article. I am completely blown away. I don't have a registry because I never wanted this blog to be about anything but healing and fun, and I am afraid to detract from that! It is a great idea though, thank you for sharing!! I did send you an email :)

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  24. Hi Eden, I know from experience that you did not write that blog/article on yahoo expecting handouts from total strangers. I am certain that you are completely blessed by the outpouring of love from complete strangers (if not slightly overwhelmed). I only want you to know that you are awesome. Your kids are unique and wonderful and you are not alone. I am testiment that it can be done. Weirdness and all! I raised my kids to say thank you when someone called them weird, to embrace all their unusual parts, and to love the unusual in others. Jellybeans are better when there are many different flavors. We should be the best flavors we can possibly be! and you my dear have a lot of flavor. My kids are now 21, 19, and 15, but they are still throwing me weirdness daily :-) There was a time when I had to schedule the tooth fairy who couldn't make it the night the tooth fell out, and maybe not until the following week because the world is a big place and she was in China that week. We also had Christmas's in which Santa sent letters in lieu of gifts (which they still have today) We even wrote letters to santa asking for things for other children around the world, and santa would respond with all the good things they did that year because they were so giving. Kids are resilient. So are you. and this will get better.. Contact me if you would like a sounding board :-) saddiamond@yahoo.com

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    1. Aw, the tooth fairy part is so sad, funny, and creative! Thank you for sharing with me how you still managed to make things special for your kids despite your circumstances. You guys are all so awesome!

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  25. Omgosh the video is too cute! Is that falalala after "pound it" from Big Hero 6? My son and I always do that after seeing the movie so when I heard you guys say it at the end it made me smile :)

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    1. Haha IT IS!!! We love Big Hero 6!!!

      Falalalalalala!

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  26. Hello, Eden
    I see so many people offering to help it kinda restore my faith in humanity ...I'd also like to help you out would you be willing to email Adamarchey1@gmail.com

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    1. Thank you so very much, I'm sending you an email :)

      Delete
  27. That is _awesome_! Just discovered your blog. I love it! :)

    I've two crazy kids of my own (adopted from China), both with some special needs. My wife and I are both pulling hard at the traces, and it sometimes seems overwhelming. I can't tell you how amazed I am at your fortitude and ability to still put a smile on things.

    Thank you!

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    1. Aw thank you Calvin. Kids are the best (when they aren't driving us crazy lol). I'm happy that your kids have found a home with you and your wife :)

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