Because of that, I'm a little bit exhausted and overwhelmed at the moment, but I didn't want to completely neglect you, so if you haven't been on my Facebook, check out these two articles of mine that ran on Huffington Post and Babble. I'll be the first to admit that some of what I write can be a bit of a mindless time filler, but I'm actually really pleased with the way both of these articles turned out.
A Letter To My Fatherless Daughter
My Husband Abandoned Our Family, And The Hardest Part Was Dealing With What Everyone Else Had To Say About It
Aside from that, if I may, I'm going to vent for a minute. And sure, once I'm a little more rested and thinking a bit more clearly, maybe I'll regret this, but not today. Today I'm angry and feel like venting, so that's what is going to happen!!
**WARNING, IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO HEAR PEOPLE COMPLAIN, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LEAVE NOW**
Photo Courtesy of Giphy.com
At my last court date I requested that the judge order all communication with my ex to be done through Talking Parents, so I would have proof that my ex ignores me and all my attempts to work amicably with him on things such as bills, child support, and anything else that may arise.
It was granted, my ex and I signed up, and THE IDIOT HAS NOT FAILED TO SHOW HIS IDIOCRACY.
Can you tell I'm a little annoyed?
Photo Credit Giphy.com
Of course 4 years of his refusal to pay child support, a stack of unanswered emails, and a disconnected phone number proved his argument invalid, and so I really thought that Talking Parents might be the clincher to better our communication since he knew that it would be keeping a record of when he logged into the system and read my messages, and he knew that I would be able to show that to a judge. And better yet, he legally has to log in and read my messages, so if he doesn't log in, he gets in trouble. And if he does log in and ignore me, he loses his argument and the judge will see him as the irresponsible person he is.
Win-win, right?
WRONG.
I honestly can't even believe that my ex still bothers me the way that he does, but damn this man.
Do you know what my first message said? It said "Testing to see if this is working, please reply and let me know you got this."
Do you know what his response was?
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He read it and didn't reply.
My next message was "Ex, seriously come on. If you don't want to handle everything in court, make an attempt to work with me. I can see you read my last message so please just reply."
He read it, and didn't reply.
Nor did he reply to the five or so messages that I sent over the course of the next month when I sent him some bills he is legally required to pay, or when I questioned him about child support.
All read, none replied to.
And mind you this man is to be sentenced to jail next month but is currently on reprieve since the judge gave him 90 days to settle some of his debts.
Moron.
Then, in an ironic twist, I had to message him about something that was for once in his financial benefit. Knowing how selfish and self-serving he is, I said to my friend "watch him reply."
HE REPLIED ONE MINUTE AND FIFTEEN SECONDS LATER.
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You know, because it served him and if you all haven't gotten the memo yet, the world revolves around him.
I then asked him why he hadn't replied to any of my prior messages, and to my surprise, he responded again.
He told me that he would only respond when he feels it's necessary.
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And because of it, I haven't worked in ten days.
So I did what I really didn't want to do and I messaged him again asking where the money was and reminded him that a judge had set a 30 day limit for him to reimburse me, and that 30 days had passed. He surprised me by responding...but when I read his message I honestly would have rather been ignored.
At least I'm used to that level of annoyance.
But nope, today he took it to a whole new level when he said "You'll get the check when you get it. It took me a while to get a money order (??)" and then went on to tell me that I'm petty, and I make him not want to work things out with me. "This system is designed for us to work together, not so you can insult me about money."
Someone hold me back.
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Oops.
Begin cut and paste:
The check for the bills was to be gotten by you, so it is you who chose to get it after your allotted time. What you seem to assume is a "petty dig," is just another reality check that you don't want to hear. You got the check late, you mailed the check late. You ignored all my attempts to work this out like an adult when I sent you the bills, and you failed to #1 respond, #2 get the check and mail it in time, and #3 answer my questions about when I could expect the check. Your irresponsibility is affecting your children, and that is no one's fault but your own.
So please, don't act like you are trying to act maturely and handle this like a grown up, when we both know that's not true. If you don't want to be insulted, then don't act like an idiot. If you want to claim that you are trying, then maybe you should actually exhibit some proof of that.
And also, just to let you know, your daughter has basically been in and out of the hospital for the last ten days. Nearly every second of my waking and sleeping has been spent revolving around her, and making sure her brother, your son, is also being taken care of. It would be great if they had a dad to step up in emergent situations like this, but thanks to you, they don't. So I haven't worked in over a week, and I haven't even gotten a child support check, and you sent this reimbursement payment late.
When you choose to not send money that is owed to your kids, you are saying "I don't care if my kids eat. I don't care if they go without. I don't care about them because I care about me more right now and my schedule and what I want to do." What kind of father doesn't care if his kids are taken care of? How am I supposed to work with a very sick kid? How am I supposed to get them what they need without money?
I can't.
But thankfully they have you.... oh wait... yea. Guess they have that against them too.
Oh, and to add to that again, she is at a hospital over an hour from my house because the closer hospitals don't have the specialist we need that takes medicaid, and you never got them health insurance. So again, thanks.
Yea... that's not really what I would have liked to have court documented, me arguing with someone who is not even worth my time, but I'm tired, I'm worried about my daughter, I'm worried about work (or the lack thereof), I'm overwhelmed, and I still have this dickwad to deal with.
Good grief.
Sorry... venting.
I'll stop now.
Carry on people... and don't forget to read these:
My Husband Abandoned Our Family, And The Hardest Part Was Dealing With What Everyone Else Had To Say About It
I'll aim for a better mood next time.
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There's nothing in that message to be worried about, Eden. You were honest, but you weren't being bitchy. It also goes to show how much you care about your kids and how hard you try. Trust me, I've seen lots worse things on Talking Parents (like people actually threatening to burn the house down, etc.).
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having a rough time. It's also ok for you to feel angry, and frustrated, and scared, and helpless. You're a human, with feelings just like everyone else. I'm proud of you for actually FEELING your feelings, instead of bottling them up, medicating them, or ignoring them. Super healthy choice. :)
*HUGS*
Wait I thought you already weren't working? What job is it that you missed for 10 days? Update us please!!
ReplyDeleteEEK was my first reaction- bad idea to send that email ... no matter how true, it comes off in poor taste and easily gives him reason to claim you're "difficult to talk to/work with regarding the children", or something of the like. ANY way you can delete it before he reads it, or unsend it, like a few programs are capable of?
ReplyDeleteI know it stinks BIG TIME, but at this point I'm sure you've learned it's more important to bite your tongue than to get the last sarcastic or spiteful word. Like Dr phil always says- would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Hope my experience does nothing but help!
That's the point of the talking parents website, nothing can be changed or tampered with since it's being recorded through the system. I do have to politely disagree though, I think it came off in good taste. She wasn't spiteful, yet was advocating for her children. Let the judge see what she has to go through to get him to pay. He needs to be jailed!!
DeleteIf it was simply the message alone off the bat, I'd agree that it was a bit much. However out of several messages, he refused to respond to a message that was asking for confirmation that the system was up and running but did respond to one that benefited himself. He also turned a reminder about a legally required payment into an insult (I don't for a second believe it took over 30 days to get a money order). Frankly it wouldn't matter if he felt Eden was petty and difficult to communicate with if he cared about his kids. Pretty sure he's petty and makes Eden not want to communicate with him and yet she does attempt to.
DeleteBack to my point: on its own, the message is too much. Backed up by behaviour that corroborates what Edens been saying all along, I think it shows someone at the end of their rope. It would be interesting to know if he sent the money order or asks about their daughters health.
You'll get through it honey.
I see nothing wrong with what you wrote. I'm a long time reader but infrequent commenter. Best wishes, Susan from Az
ReplyDeleteDearest Eden, you have nothing to worry about what was said, the judge can see what is honestly going on for each side. Ex cannot cry his way out of this, its in his own words and lack of words. I'll keep you, your daughter and son in prayer. Much love and hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteAgreed - that message was fine. honest even.
ReplyDeleteI know your a sweet love women. He is a worthless piece of crap !. I feel sorry for your child and you !. Your in my prayer's and your baby girl. Your in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteGirl.... That's exactly the email you want documented in court! Hope your girl get better!
ReplyDeleteI think your message was awesome and it should be documented. Hugs to you and your precious kids. <3
ReplyDeleteI seriously cannot believe what this "man" has put you and YOUR children through. He is an embarresment to real fathers everywhere. When my ex and I split, as much as I didn't like him he ALWAYS stepped up and took care of his daughter. I pray in time that for you and the amazing boy and girl children, he will do the same
ReplyDeleteIf he doesn't go to jail after all this, then there's no hope. I hope your judge sees the light and locks up your ex for the foreseeable future. Sadly, I don't think that will do any good either.
ReplyDeleteI think that message was honest and there is nothing wrong with it being in your permanent file. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteYou did no wrong. You were honest and your words only have your children in mind. Your character in that message shows frustration, rightfully so. Do not feel bad for ever speaking the truth coming from your heart. You have the strength to get through this, hang in there and remember that you will get through this.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for saying all of that!...maybe thats EXACTLY what the court needs to see and hear so they can stop giving the ex breaks and get him to own up to everything. ugh, I feel for you...
ReplyDelete