So This Is What It's Like To Be Married To Me

So I can't figure out why the alignment is all messed up in this post, and things are justified left, and right, and center, and I can't change it AND I GIVE UP.

Moving on...

I'm sorry again for my delay in posting. I swear I feel like I do more apologizing than writing here these days! After my fun little poisioning experience, I was sick for a solid week. Like no joke sick; blood pressure issues, heart rate issues, brain fog, stomach ache, headache, and everything hurt. After all the IV attempts where my veins kept collapsing, even my hands hurt too much to type.

But, I'm finally feeling better! I got up today, went to the gym, got some work done, and am happy to report that for the first day in a week, I didn't end up curled up in bed crying in pain. So, yay for progress.

And while I was taking some time to rest, I read an article in which a woman had posted ten texts between her and her husband, that she felt completely summed up her marriage. As a writer, I usually try to see how other works may be applicable to my own life... but this one killed me.

Because really, do you want to see what it's like to be married to me?

The Guy is gray, and I am blue

I'm not really sure what this says about us.

And as I scrolled through our previous conversations, it really didn't get any better. Here we are (The Guy in gray again, and me in blue), where he Facebook messaged me to tell me that he updated his life insurance policy to have me made the beneficiary.

Nothing like some newlywed accidental death jokes to really portray our love.

Or what about this text message thread, where The Guy was trying to convince me to go to the gym by myself, and leave the kids at home with him while he waited for a plumber.

He is yellow, I am blue .

If that's not a stunning portrayal of newlywed sexting, WELL THEN I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

Or hey, about some mommy venting to kick off the morning? Here I am after The Boy Child had been up all night with an upset stomach and I was exhausted, Facebook messaging The Guy while he is at work, and having a great time with the "request money" option.

I am the BLUE DOTS, not just the blue blurbs. He is GREEN dots.

Or what about those marriage moments when you begin to feel like no one notices what you are doing at home and you just kinda want to point it out to your spouse because you feel like they should notice!?

And again, I am blue, and he is gray. Henry is our hamster.

And really, like I said, I'm not sure what this says about us.

It probably says that I have absolutely nailed the "poor, single mom, gets married" jokes.

That and we are both crazy. 

But at the end of the day, despite my corny jokes and obviously over-inflated ego, he keeps me around, and as he proved to me this week, was willing to step up and take care of the family when I could barely take care of myself. 

So anyway, if there is anything that I gathered from comparing my text messages to the one's in the article that the other woman wrote, it's that I love my husband, I may need to be medicated, and I'm apparently always in the mood for... naked stuff.

OH WELL.

*************

*I feel like I need to add a small disclaimer for the trolls; simmer down everyone, the money jokes are just that and nothing more. It's a long standing joke between us that I'm just with him so that I have someone to pay the bills. Because, as you know, I was a poor single mom and he was an innocent bachelor who fell prey to my sexy ways...

(Enter evil laugh)

End Scene