Thursday, December 22, 2016

So This Is What It's Like To Be Married To Me

So I can't figure out why the alignment is all messed up in this post, and things are justified left, and right, and center, and I can't change it AND I GIVE UP.

Moving on...

I'm sorry again for my delay in posting. I swear I feel like I do more apologizing than writing here these days! After my fun little poisioning experience, I was sick for a solid week. Like no joke sick; blood pressure issues, heart rate issues, brain fog, stomach ache, headache, and everything hurt. After all the IV attempts where my veins kept collapsing, even my hands hurt too much to type.

But, I'm finally feeling better! I got up today, went to the gym, got some work done, and am happy to report that for the first day in a week, I didn't end up curled up in bed crying in pain. So, yay for progress.

And while I was taking some time to rest, I read an article in which a woman had posted ten texts between her and her husband, that she felt completely summed up her marriage. As a writer, I usually try to see how other works may be applicable to my own life... but this one killed me.

Because really, do you want to see what it's like to be married to me?

The Guy is gray, and I am blue

I'm not really sure what this says about us.
And as I scrolled through our previous conversations, it really didn't get any better. Here we are (The Guy in gray again, and me in blue), where he Facebook messaged me to tell me that he updated his life insurance policy to have me made the beneficiary.

Nothing like some newlywed accidental death jokes to really portray our love.

Or what about this text message thread, where The Guy was trying to convince me to go to the gym by myself, and leave the kids at home with him while he waited for a plumber.

He is yellow, I am blue .

If that's not a stunning portrayal of newlywed sexting, WELL THEN I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

Or hey, about some mommy venting to kick off the morning? Here I am after The Boy Child had been up all night with an upset stomach and I was exhausted, Facebook messaging The Guy while he is at work, and having a great time with the "request money" option.

I am the BLUE DOTS, not just the blue blurbs. He is GREEN dots.

Or what about those marriage moments when you begin to feel like no one notices what you are doing at home and you just kinda want to point it out to your spouse because you feel like they should notice!?

And again, I am blue, and he is gray. Henry is our hamster.

And really, like I said, I'm not sure what this says about us.

It probably says that I have absolutely nailed the "poor, single mom, gets married" jokes.

That and we are both crazy. 

But at the end of the day, despite my corny jokes and obviously over-inflated ego, he keeps me around, and as he proved to me this week, was willing to step up and take care of the family when I could barely take care of myself. 

So anyway, if there is anything that I gathered from comparing my text messages to the one's in the article that the other woman wrote, it's that I love my husband, I may need to be medicated, and I'm apparently always in the mood for... naked stuff.



*I feel like I need to add a small disclaimer for the trolls; simmer down everyone, the money jokes are just that and nothing more. It's a long standing joke between us that I'm just with him so that I have someone to pay the bills. Because, as you know, I was a poor single mom and he was an innocent bachelor who fell prey to my sexy ways...

(Enter evil laugh)

End Scene


  1. When you find someone who really "gets" you, it's the best feeling in the world! I'm quirky AF, and my wife and kids never make me feel like I can't be "me". It's a rare night when I don't cause one of the kids to spew milk out of their nose at dinner. My eldest says it is her unique superpower to always have just taken a drink right before I say something that will make her laugh.

    Looks like you found a true soulmate, Eden! Couldn't be happier for you!

    1. Sounds like you have a pretty amazing family!!! :)

      Now to figure out how to get my kids to spew milk our of their noses...

  2. I hope the guy found out if your preference is for ice cream or chocolate syrup :)

  3. Very sweet. It sounds like you guys have all the bases covered for a successful and happy marriage - love, communication, humour, empathy and appreciation. I'm glad you've found each other!

  4. You should see/hear the sarcastic texts/conversations my husband and I have. And now our kids all have that same sarcastic humor. We've received a few weird looks from people that don't know us very well.

  5. Loved the little glimpse into your life. I smiled and giggled behind my 25 yrs of marriage. Would it surprise you that I saw my hubby and myself in some of your texts? 😎

  6. you two are sooooo cute together...seems like you were made for each other!!! Love it!!!

  7. So happy for you!

  8. To the "Anonymous" that keeps leaving really weird comments that I keep spamming out, I get it. You don't like me or my "eye-rolling, "vom inducing," "ew posts," about my "husbandhusbandhusbandhusbanddddddd" and hey, I'm cool with that. Doesn't sound like you're my kind of people either. But, obviously I'm not publishing your comments (because why?), and I'm only replying to you here because quite frankly, it's getting a little weird for me. You hate me so much, but yet you can't seem to stay away... awkward.

    So anyway, just wanted to say thanks for the hate crush, I'm truly flattered, and since you can rest assured that I have gotten your fan mail, maybe now you can relax and find a way to spend your time doing something you actually enjoy :)

    Oh, and just because I didn't want this to be a total waste of your time, if I can be of any help at all, "anew, eachother, and noone," are all supposed to be two words. I've noticed that most of your comments join them together, and I wouldn't want your edginess to be lost in translation :)

    Merry Christmas!

    1. To my hate crush, I'm glad to see that you got my note :) Filling up my mailbox today with multiple comments, under different names, yet all still from you (grammar... it means something...), is exactly why this is feeling a bit awkward for me.

      I'm sorry love, but I just don't think that this relationship is going to work out :(

      But again, since I don't want all of your time to go to waste, today's tip is that Blogger is actually free, and since you feel so strongly that the people of the world need something better to read, and you seem to have so much free time, maybe you could start a blog of your own :) The name "I Hate Eden Strong" is probably free, and would fit right in with your new apparent hobby, you know, if you're looking for suggestions.


    2. I know what your hate crush needs... Do you still have that bag of dicks kicking around?

    3. Hahaha ha!


      Um... I actually ate them. They were tasty! Who doesn't like free candy!?

    4. Have they stopped messaging you?

    5. Nah, now they are messaging as multiple people... as if I can't tell that it's the same person.

      Strange hobbies people have these days...

    6. Nah, now they are messaging as multiple people... as if I can't tell that it's the same person.

      Strange hobbies people have these days...

  9. In regards to your disclaimer.. I have been married for 18 years.. I still tell my husband it was for his money ;).. And he still tells me he married me so he would have someone to clean the toilets... Here's to wedded bliss!!!

  10. I'm confused: I see you leaving comments to your "hate crush" but I don't see the hate comments?? Were they deleted by the original hater? Or by you? What did they say? I hate seeing one side of stuff :(

    1. I didn't publish them and I commented here because I know they can't pry themselves away from this thread, and I wanted them to see it.

      I'm not against publishing unflattering comments as long as they aren't just mean to be mean. You may not like someone, but to go out of your way to tell someone why you don't like them is unnecessary and I won't tolerate bully behavior. They can take their personal issues somewhere else because I'm not going to give them a platform for hate here.

      This person is over the top and plain old trolling, and repeatedly commenting as "different people" (yet it's the same person). They keep confusing their different screen names, so "one person" will say something and then come back and reference what they said last time, except they will mistakenly use their other screen name, and so on and so forth). And secondly, I can see their IP address.


  11. Oh and was the disclaimer because people were messaging you about using him for his money?!? (Just trying to follow)

    1. Thankfully no, I was just preparing myself for the typical trolling whenever money is a discussion :)