That Post Where We Talk About Why My Kids Think I'm A Fraud

The Boy Child is the kind of kid, that when his feet hit the ground in the morning, he takes off running and doesn't stop until after he is in bed at night.

But not that long ago, he surprised me by waking up and climbing into my bed to snuggle. Not wanting to waste any of that precious time, I took the opportunity to ask him a few questions about life.

"So buddy," I inquired. "Tell me about your friends at school. Who do you like to play with?"

"I play with Samuel" he replied. (Not his real name)

"Oh," I said, hoping for a bit more. "And what is Samuel like?"

Being six, The Boy Child went for the most obvious answer, and began to describe Samuel's physical appearance to me. "He has black skin and brown hair..."

Thinking that this might be the perfect time to expand on his observances, to include a discussion about looking past skin color, I said in my teaching-mom-voice, "isn't it neat that we all look different? The only thing that matters is" and then he interrupted me.

So This Is What It's Like To Be Married To Me

So I can't figure out why the alignment is all messed up in this post, and things are justified left, and right, and center, and I can't change it AND I GIVE UP.

Moving on...

I'm sorry again for my delay in posting. I swear I feel like I do more apologizing than writing here these days! After my fun little poisioning experience, I was sick for a solid week. Like no joke sick; blood pressure issues, heart rate issues, brain fog, stomach ache, headache, and everything hurt. After all the IV attempts where my veins kept collapsing, even my hands hurt too much to type.

But, I'm finally feeling better! I got up today, went to the gym, got some work done, and am happy to report that for the first day in a week, I didn't end up curled up in bed crying in pain. So, yay for progress.

And while I was taking some time to rest, I read an article in which a woman had posted ten texts between her and her husband, that she felt completely summed up her marriage. As a writer, I usually try to see how other works may be applicable to my own life... but this one killed me.

Because really, do you want to see what it's like to be married to me?

The Guy is gray, and I am blue

I'm not really sure what this says about us.

Straight From The Mouths Of The Little People I Live With

As usual, things have not "normalized" around here, meaning that my kids are just as weird as ever. I mean I can't blame them since they have me as their mother, but still, I'm pretty strange, so if I'm constantly being caught off guard by how strange my kids are... well then that's saying something.

Nothing to see here people, move along.

Sorry folks, I don't have normal kids. I just don't.

And to further prove my point, allow me to present to you, exhibits Sunday-Saturday:

Sunday:

The Boy Child, after stepping directly into a wet spot on the carpet that I had just cleaned with a heavy duty carpet cleaning solution, looked a little startled and then assured me "don't worry mom, it didn't burn the shit out of me like you said if would if I touched it."

He then ran off to watch the breakfast cookies bake while I pondered my parenting failures.

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Even More Conversations That I Did Not Think I Would Be Having This Week

Remember the post "Conversations That I Did Not Think I Would Be Having This Week?" Well not to mention that this week I found myself talking to all of you about the time I burned the hell out of my lady bits, but this week overall just seemed especially strange in the conversation department. So now, for your reading pleasure, I bring you a sequal to "Conversations That I Did Not Think I Would Be Having This Week."

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On Monday I got pulled over for speeding. I had actually just put my foot on the brake to slow down because I thought *maybe* I was in a construction zone, but there were no workers, no equipment, no signs, just a few of those orange barrels with the reflectors. I saw those, looked at my speedometer, realized I was going 55, put my foot on the brake, and saw the cop pull out behind me.

DAMMIT.

He came to the window and said "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?"

Because I have a big mouth and I cannot lie to save my life I replied back "probably because I was going 55 in a construction zone."

"Ma'am, this is a construction zone and the speed limit is 30. I'm going to have to write you a $750 dollar ticket. License and registration please."

CRAP.

I hand him my cards, he lowers his sunglasses, and I blurt out "Hey! I know you!"

He looks at me for a minute and says "yes....how do I know you? You look familiar."

"You came to my house after my ex shot my window. You climbed under the bed with my daughter when she was scared and hiding."

"It's you!" He exclaimed. "How have you been? Is he giving you any more trouble?"

"Eh, nothing I can't handle" I replied.

"He handed me back my license and registration and said "take care of yourself and have a nice day."

Again with the blurting stuff out I said "you're not going to give me a ticket? I was totally speeding, I'll admit it. I mean I really didn't know that I was in a construction zone, I mean come on, where we live we can all recognize construction but that area is a bit questionable to me, but yes, technically I was speeding."