His Wife Found Out We Were Dating

Ok, this has been the strangest week and its only Wednesday. I kind of feel like I might need someone to send in reinforcements just to get me through the rest of the week. Help. I had all these great blog post ideas, but those will have to wait for now, seeing as how my brain is just about fried, and its only Wednesday. Again, help.

Also, just to warn you, I didn't proofread and edit today. I'm just really tired.

Since I don’t want to leave you all hanging around waiting for me, let me give you a little update on this week so far. I’ll call this little synopsis “Eden’s Whacked Out Life; Where are the cameras?” Seriously, where are the cameras? I have got to be in some twisted reality show version of “The Truman Show,” because this shit just cannot be real.

Saturday: If you read my last blog post, you will remember that this was the day that I got underdressed and went to a really fancy hotel so that I could watch some guy pee.

Sunday: I’m driving to the grocery store and my phone rings. I look at the number and my heart skips eleven beats, because it looks like my brother’s phone number. But it can’t be….right? I haven’t talked to him in 15 months. If you remember from the post “That Post Where I Finally Talk About My Brothers,” we had a big falling out after I stopped speaking to my parents. This brother particularly was the worst. Hundreds of text messages and voicemails telling me to kill myself, to the point where I threatened to press harassment charges on him. The last conversation we ever had went like this Him: Do the world a favor and kill yourself.” Me: “Nah, I wouldn’t want to spend all of eternity with you,” followed by this text, the last thing I ever said to him.

He was warning me that if I didn't talk to my mother it would be the last thing I did

He of course continued to text me for weeks on end, but I never responded and eventually he got bored. So, this CANNOT possibly be him calling me, right? I answer and hear “Hey Eden.” Yup, its him.

Me: “Yea.”

Him “So, what’s up?”

Me: “What do you want?”

Him: “Do you want to come over to mom and dad’s to talk?”

Me: “About what? Actually, no don’t answer that. We don’t have anything to talk about. I heard enough of what you had to say 16 months ago to know that I don’t need anyone like you in my life.”

Him: “You’re my sister.”

Me:  “Yea, I was, and as my brother, I never would have thought you would have treated me the way you did, but you showed me your true colors and they were ugly as hell. I’m happy now, for the first time in my life, I’m really happy. I’m sorry, but I don’t want you in my life, now, or ever.”

Then I hung up the phone.

I pulled the car over, falling back into my old ways. I sat there thinking of how that was really mean and feeling guilty in how I handled that. How I should have at least heard him out, he is my brother after all. Then I bitch slapped myself across the face and gave myself a reality check. He is a mean guy. I watched him be mean to girlfriend after girlfriend. I watched him tear me to shreds. I’ve watched him drink his life away. I’ve watched him, just like every other abuser out there, say what he knew someone needed to hear just to be able to get them to do what he wanted. Whatever he had to say, whatever feelings of remorse he had, I can’t handle them right now. I’ve made too much progress to be pulled back into whatever dark place he has been living in. My best guess? My mom misses my kids and is using him as a pawn to lure me back in. My hope? Maybe he is changing. Maybe he has learned the error of his ways and like a twelve step program he is trying to make amends. It’s unlikely, and even if that were the case, I still can’t be around him right now. I need to focus on myself, on my emotional recovery. I promised myself that I would never go back to my family. When I walked away, I knew that it was forever, and I meant it. I hope they change, I hope they heal, but my life is too short and too fragile to risk letting them break it again.

It's not about holding a grudge, it's not about being unable to forgive, I'm not angry at them. The simple fact is that after years of fighting for my survival, I have finally realized that the environment that family provides me with is incompatible with any form of a life that I want. I’m sorry brother, but I simply cannot be your sister anymore.

Monday: I had a household project that needed to get done, but it required two people. I have a neighbor down the street that loves to take on odd jobs for people, so I asked him if he could help me and I would pay him. He said sure but it would have to be at 10pm when he got home from work. Obviously that is not ideal, but as a single woman with no family, you take the help that you can get. He shows up and we get to work. It takes longer than I am anticipating, and towards midnight he starts to get really weird. He calls me sexy two or three times, starts telling me that any guy would be lucky to have me, and is just generally starting to act really creepy. I call it a night, this project is not worth it, and I tell him it is time for him to leave. He refuses to take the money from me, which makes me even more uncomfortable because now I feel like I owe him something. When we get to the door, and he tries to give me this really awkward hug. I cross my arms across my chest (in defense) and tell him it is freezing so he had better go so that I can shut the door.

Does he go? 

No, of course not! He puts both hands on my shoulders so that I can’t move backwards and then he gets really close to my face and says in the most unpoetic way ever, “Eden, you are beautiful, I will always help you and I won’t take any money from you.” With his eyes wide open he leans down and starts getting REAAAALLLLLYYYY close to my face, and so I do the only thing I can think of and I drop my phone so that I can drop to my knees to “pick it up”, and get out from under his hands on my shoulders. I then pretty much crawl two feet away, stand up, put my hands out, and literally push him out the door while saying “You had better go, and say ‘Hi’ to your girlfriend for me.” I almost hit him with the door I closed it so fast! I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure that five more seconds and he would have kissed me. Blech. Not to mention, HELLO live in girlfriend!!

Tuesday: A couple weeks ago I met this guy while I was out. I got his number and we had sort of been chatting back and forth, nothing serious. He wanted me to go out with him a few times, but something was just….off. Like for example, he told me he was an attorney. Now I know that a lot of girls go for the big name career guys, but I don’t. I’ve dated too many doctors and lawyers that were completely devoid of personalities and social graces to be attracted to that title anymore. On the other hand, I have met enough brilliant and hysterical uneducated musicians and college drop outs to have totally accepted the concept that job title and education do not automatically mean they have the qualities that I am looking for. Anyways, this guy tells me that he is an attorney, and I’m kinda like “Blah, like I really need any more “legal” in my life, but whatever, we will see where this goes.” It goes nowhere. I ask him a question, he dodges it. I ask him another, he gives me a fluff answer. Ok, now I’m on to this dude, but at the same time, it’s kind of funny watching him sweat it out, so I’m going to roll with it.

Eventually the joke gets old, so I call him on it. I’m like “listen, you are not an attorney. Nothing you are telling me makes sense. What is up with the lies?” Surprise, surprise, I don’t hear back from him. Like I’ve said before, I refuse to chase a boy, but this was not a boy. This was entertainment. I give him 48 hours and then I text him. This is how it went.

This text started with "You really are something else..." (blacked out "lie to Eden")

I wasn’t ever going to sleep with this dude, but hey, he doesn’t need to know that. I’m so evil. I’m also funny. Evil, funny, and I entertain myself.  That’s what you call road trip entertainment right there people!

Wednesday: Well, this brings us to today. For the last three days, a woman was supposed to come pick up a bookcase that I sold on a local online garage sale site. She rescheduled with me Sunday, rescheduled with me Monday because she said her daughter was sick, and rescheduled with me last night because her husband was getting home late. Normally I wouldn't hold an item, but she seemed really nice, ending the last email with "I'm so sorry. I promise I am a serious buyer, I won't stiff you!" Well this morning I wake up to an email that says "Hi. I won't be needing the shelf, my husband has something we are going to use instead." Well sorry lady, you picked the wrong day to mess with me. I shot her back a professional but to the point email that just said "I just have to say, that is extremely rude. You have wasted my time, caused me to pass up other buyers, and flat out lied when you said "I won't stiff you." I suggest next time you promise to buy something, you make sure you and your husband are on the same page." Well low and behold she calls me two hours later, and here is the best part; she acts as if we have never spoken, yet she uses the same name, and calls from the same number that we have talked on before! "Hi Eden, my name is Trudy and I saw your shelf on XXXXX. Can I come pick it up tonight?" I'm so confused at this point by what is going on, that I say yes. Great Eden, maybe you pissed her off and she is coming to kill you.

Nope. Lucky me, she just shows up and buys the shelf. That was so strange.

My brain is a bit mushy feeling tonight, but that’s ok. I have a date with my TV and a bottle of wine as soon as I am done typing this. You know you need a break when you are driving home from work, singing at the top of your lungs, dancing in the car, and you notice the person next to you at the stoplight is staring at you like you have lost your mind. What might be the appropriate thing to do in that situation? Well, maybe not the choice that I made, which was to roll down the window, lean out of the car, and sing directly to them. Oh well. Why be normal when you have the opportunity to be awesome.

Just sayin’…..