Facebook Doesn't Need To Change, I Do

It’s November again, which for all of my American counterparts means that we are gearing up to celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving. Again, if you are one of my American counterparts, you might be seeing your Facebook newsfeed filling up with the “30 days of thankfulness” status updates. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that it’s basically where you post a status update everyday talking about something that you are thankful for. 

Because I think I might be a bitch, this has intensely irritated me in years past.

No, in all honesty, I truly am happy that my friends are leading the lives they are, I really am. As we talked about in the post “Mind If I Pop You With My Stick," I know that everyone has different struggles and just because someone has something I would like to have doesn’t mean that they have an entirely perfect life. I get it, I really do, and yet even though I truly am happy for them, I find the green monster of envy and bitterness whispering in my ear a little louder every November when I read ten statuses in a row about how wonderful everyone’s husbands or even superficial things such as all the holiday shopping that everyone is doing, knowing that I can't afford to shop for anyone and no one is likely to be shopping for me.

Sigh. I would like to say that I'm above all jealousy and always handle myself in ways that I'm proud of, but I would be lying through my teeth.

Like I said, I might just be a bitch.

Last year I found myself becoming quite bitter by the end of the month and having to take an actual break from Facebook because I was so annoyed that my friends had so much that I wanted.

Who does that!?

Jealous people, shallow people, possibly bitches, me. I did that.

Again, I can’t say that I’m too proud of myself….

To be blunt, I will never have everything my Facebook friends have and if I don’t want to be the bitchiest one of the bunch, I'm going to need to get over it.

This is clearly my issue, not theirs.

So this year I decided to re approach this whole thing. As I said, I don’t have what everyone else has and I never will. Not that my life won’t get better, or that it’s not good now, it’s just most likely a statistical improbability that I will somehow acquire every single thing, experience, and attribute that I have ever desired.

I really don't see that happening.

Despite the fact that I haven't always been thrilled with the circumstances of my life, I’ve never been naive to the fact that my life is definitely not the worst one that someone could lead. I’ve met people on my mission trips that were in far worse situations than I am in and I’ve worked with women who have unfortunately not made it out of their abusive situations, and to be honest, I’m not sure they ever will.

It makes me feel like a complete bitch that I whined last year when I have everything that I have, especially as someone who blatantly talks about looking below the surface of a situation.

Last year I was very much in the pit of despair when it came to a lot of things. I was grieving the loss of a family that never was, a good chunk of my life revolved around my Boy Child’s intense therapy schedule, I was at risk of losing my home, and basically I just felt like a black cloud was hanging over me and a green envious monster was clawing at my heart.

But as I said, in the post “They Came Softly," most blessings come softly.  As I enter this holiday season, I feel, for the first time ever, that I finally have a foothold on my own life. I look back at what has changed over the course of the year and I can see where I failed to take my own advice, places where I was so caught up in the rain that I failed to see the rainbow.  

This year as I watch everyone shopping, celebrating with their biological families, and a multitude of other things that I won’t be doing, I’m going to work a little harder to focus on the blessings that I do have in my life. I have custody of my children. We are fully clothed and living inside four walls, under a roof, with clean water, and heat. We have friends that love us and we have our health. What I choose to do with those life saving blessings is up to me.

I can overlook the fact that I have everything I really need, or I can be thankful that I have everything I really need.

It’s not until I stop looking at the dirt on my feet will I finally be able to look up and see the rainbow over my head.

As I look around me this November, I see life. I see the life that I have lived, I see the lives that I have brought forth, and I see the lives that have opened up to include us. I see every basic necessity I need for this life and I see the hope of my future days to come.

I don’t have everything that I want, but I have enough, and the rest is really just left up to perspective.

Photo Credits

Green Eyed Monster

Eating cookies

Rainbow