I May Be A Little Bit More Devious Than I Originally Let On...

I talk on here a lot about how awful my ex was, what a horrible person, and terrible husband he was, but with the exception of the post where I talked about the time I actually hit my husband, I don’t often talk about the times when I was mean to him.

In an effort to not falsely portray myself as the constant victim, I might as well tell you about a few of the times when I myself was a little bit evil.

Like the time I found his Facebook account up on the computer and logged on. I had known for quite some time that he was cheating on me, but I didn’t know with who or what the details were, I just knew that he was and come hell or high water he wasn’t about to admit it. The guy wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but I'll give him credit, he covered his tracks well.

One day I got on the computer and for the first time ever found his Facebook account (the account he swore he didn’t have) up on the screen. Normally all his accounts were locked down tighter than the white house, but today was my lucky day.

I’m not typically a sneaky person, but hey, if the opportunity presents itself….

She Said I Was A Failure Of A Mother

“This is all your fault! I don’t want you to be my mommy anymore! I want a dad and all I have is you! I have no one! I only have you! I don’t have anything everyone else has and this is all your fault!!!”

Those words cut me to the core in ways that I have never would have imagined were even still possible after everything my ex put me through.

I turned away, clasped my hand over my mouth, and squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could, not able to look at the face glaring at me; the face of my six year old daughter.

It’s always my fault. It’s been “my fault” my entire life. I've been a supposed failure of a child, a failure of a wife, led an "apparent" failure of life really, and now I was being called a failure of a mother by my own child.

It happens to every mom at some point, the inevitable moment when your child suddenly blames you for every reason of unhappiness in their lives. It’s almost like a rite of passage to be honest; you aren’t really a seasoned parent until your child has told you what a horrible job you are doing of parenting them.

I just wasn’t ready for it yet and most of all, I wasn’t expecting to actually wonder if it was true.

This Week In Fashion Fails....

This week seems to have been one big fashion fail. 

Allow me to explain.

Remember the post "I Realized I Was The Ugliest Person At The Gym?" Well I had a gift card to Kohl's that I had been hanging onto for some time and I decided to finally change that. It was given to me as a birthday gift with the stipulation that I not spend it on the kids, so when a fitness wear sale came around I finally decided to get some running clothes that actually fit. Seems like a good plan, am I right?

"How could this possibly go wrong Eden? They are just clothes."

Well let me tell you, I was fairly shocked when I realized that stretchy or not, those clothes do not always stretch where you want them too. Since I refuse to be one of those people taking selfies at the gym I had to wait until I got home to take this picture.

"But Eden, you look so...gym appropriate!"

Look closer.

How To Take A Toddler Grocery Shopping In 100 Easy Steps

Hi Everyone!! Today I'm just going to be lazy and share with you my latest scary mommy article "How To Take A Toddler Grocery Shopping In 100 Easy Steps." (Just click on the link) Hopefully it will give you a good chuckle.

Since I don't want to appear as lazy as I actually am right now, I will leave you with a few pictures that I took last weekend and something that I realized lately;

Get Your Own Damn Life

My friend looked at me, eyes wide open, unsure if she should applaud my creativity or call social services on me.

"Well, what was I going to do?" I said. "I'd rather have her scared than dead."

I was referring to the fact that after several gun related incidents with a few of my daughters daycare classmates, a staggering look at the statistics of children and guns, the rising number of homes that have guns in them, a 20/20 special that proved the gun awareness programs that we have for kids are failing, and a very eye opening conversation with my six year old that alerted me to the fact that even after all the talks we have had about not playing with a gun you find at someones house and learning that she still was not absorbing the information, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I scared the crap out of her.

How you may ask? Well I made popcorn, I brought extra pillows and blankets to the couch, I let her stay up late, and we had a mommy daughter TV night.

We watched "Trauma Life In The ER: Gun Edition."

"Mommy!!! All his blood is coming out!!"

"Yep, it sure is dear child of mine! That's because a bullet when into him and made a hole! Look! The doctor is putting that big tube in his throat!"

After it was over we had a long talk and I think for the first time she understood the concept of "a gun really will hurt you." I believe this to be true because several days later I overheard her say to her little brother "don't pretend to shoot me! If you ever see a real gun you have to run and get a grown up as fast as you can! They can make all your blood come out if a kid touches them!"

Mission accomplished.

Was it the most practical way to teach her about gun safety? No, I'll admit that. Some might call it cruel or heartless but quite frankly, I don't care.

The Sex Toys I Couldn't Get Rid Of

So here's a strange story for you....because really, let's be honest here, more than half of you tune in everyday to watch the train wreck that is me.

I'm totally ok with that.

Anyways, once upon a time almost exactly ten years ago, I had a bridal shower before getting married.

My ex worked with a woman who thought it would be funny to give me a giant box of the raunchiest sex toys one could possibly imagine, at my bridal shower. Not at the bachelorette party, oh no, at the bridal shower.

My grandmother and my mother watched me open anal beads, a penis pump, and things that I cannot even describe to you. Those were expression's I will never forget....

How To Buy What You Love When You Can't Afford It (Take A Tour Of My House!)

Today we are going to be taking a little detour from the normal topics of this blog and talk a bit about my house.

*I'm going to interject here for a minute and say that it feels weird to say "normal blog posts" when I write about things such as burning the hell out of my lady bits and taking my clothes off in a parking lot among the other more regular topics of rape and abuse. There really isn't anything "normal" about any of my posts.*

Anyways...after the post's "Make Money Makeover" and "I'm Not Paying For That" I got a surprising number of messages asking me home decor questions and money saving tips. While I certainly don't claim to be a specialist in the home design department, I can share with you guys the tips and tricks I used to haggle a good deal, find a great dumpster, and re-purpose what I could to get the decor I was looking for at a price I was able to afford.

On account of the fact that I'm not really a home improvement blogger, I'll sort of just take you through a tour of my house and point out where and how I was able to save money and still get what I wanted. Also, since I don't want to leave the rest of you out I'll end this post with something a little more "blog typical" so make sure you stick with the post to the end!