People Never Cease To Amaze Me

As some of you may have noticed, today's blog post where I answered all the reader questions that were asked last weekend has been removed.

What started out as a fun post where I could answer questions and get involved with all of you turned into someone getting very angry with the answer that I gave to a question. That person then somehow managed to access one of my personal accounts. 

(Which oddly enough of all the accounts they could have choosen, they just happened to pick the one that shed even more truth to my answer. ...but anyways)

I'm taking a few days to reconfigure all my online accounts and I will be back next week.

In the meantime I hope you are all enjoying your No-Work Weekend!

Family movie night!!

Hi, I'm Here To Make You Uncomfortable

Have you seen the pictures that I have posted of myself on this blog before?

Well most of you have and let me tell you, a few aren't too happy about it.

Here, I'll give you a few examples so that you don't have to scour all 180 posts on this blog to find the ten or less that I'm talking about.

My covered boobs made it into "Conversations I Did Not Think I Would Be Having This Week."

You got a glimpse of my back and covered ass in the post "And Before I Knew It My Boobs Were On Facebook,"

I had a few tummy shots in "Things That Make You Ask Why." and then my body also made an appearance here and here, as well as an underwear shot here,

"How DARE Eden point out all of those scandalous photographs to us! What an attention whore!"

Are you annoyed yet? Because I can keep going if you want.

What if I were to add another photo?

I Forgot To Add This!!

I forgot to add this to yesterday's post!

(So if you haven't been on here for a few days there was a new post yesterday as well!)

I've gotten a lot of questions lately on different and random topics of my life and so I wanted to once again offer up the floor to reader questions! Feel free to ask anything you would like either by commenting on this post or emailing me at notmyshametobear@gmail.com.

The only thing I ask is that due to time constraints that these questions fall into a "general question about Eden's life" category rather than my perspective on something.

For example the two questions I've seen posted in the last day or so were "is the diet your kids are on doctor prescribed or something you have chosen to do?" and "how did you get started in dance?" 

So if you have anything like that, ask away!!

Don't wait too long, I will write up the answers this week and run them next weekend for  No Work Weekend!

Stay warm everyone!

In Which It Takes A Half A Bottle Of Rum To Fix A Problem

It's No Work Weekend!! My Platonic Husband and I kicked it off with an attempt to make Strawberry Daiquiris. The funny thing is that every time someone comes over they say "Hey, what can I bring?" and what I really want to say is "Laundry detergent, dish soap, paper towels, and food for the kids," but that's obviously not what they meant so instead I find myself saying "oh, just bring something to drink and a snack." 

So in essence, "no, let's not think about how poor you are Eden, lets just drink and eat instead!"

Wait, isn't there a word for people who stuff their feelings down with food and drink alcohol while ignoring their real problems? 

Oh wait.

Never mind.

But anyways, we decided to make daiquiris and let's just say that it didn't exactly go as planned. I make daiquiris quite a bit so I have no idea what was going on, I think the mix just wasn't very good.

Things That Make You Ask "Why?" Part 9

Wow, I think this is the longest we have gone without a "Things That Make You Ask "Why?" post. After the last few heavy posts I figure we need some cheering up here! So without further ado, I bring you the crazy, the strange, and the weird, all courtesy of my camera phone.

Why is this woman walking around with her hair in foil and wearing a salon cape? Because she came out of the hair salon, started walking towards my friends at I in Starbucks, and while we were thinking "that's smart, she is going to get a coffee while her hair sets," she surprised us all by walking into the liquor store instead. It was nine am. To each their own!

Now That I've Had Time To Think...

I think I finally feel better today. It still hurts, but at least it's no longer that constant ache in my chest that causes me to tear up the moment my brain is not fully occupied by other more immediate thoughts.

It's funny that while they say the way to a man's heart is through food, food is how us women get you men out of ours. My friends have been loving on me in a very delicious way, so much so that I couldn't button my jeans this morning, which you know, made me feel so much better. 

Not. 

Apparently there is a limit to that logic.

Lemon tart anyone?

I have been thinking though, as much as I sometimes struggle to make sure my kids have enough food, maybe I should just start breaking up with people more often.

Just kidding.

Kind of...

This whole situation was rough and after I read some of the comments from the last post, it got even rougher because I started to doubt myself. Overall everyone was nice, offering respectful advice even if you thought I did the wrong thing, and I can definitely say that it gave me some perspectives that I had not thought of before. I didn't respond to each comment personally like I usually do because honestly, I'm just really emotionally drained right now. However, and I say this with all my heart, thank you for taking the time to let me know what you thought about the whole situation. It does me a lot of good to be able to view the bigger picture with the help of outside eyes and I truly appreciated all the time you guys put into offering me your advice. My lack of response was not because I wasn't reading the comments, it was because I was processing them.

I've had a few days to think about everything and while I know for a fact that many of you think I made the wrong choice, I am actually feeling more reaffirmed in my decision. I'm still hurt, still sad, still missing him more than I would like to admit, cried myself to sleep a few nights in a row, but yet I'm not willing to change my mind and call him.

You see the thing is, as I've said before, never give away what you can't live without. 

As I've come to realize through my own tears and talks with friends, it wasn't his issue with my kids that caused me to end things, but how it was handled. I expect men to go through a period of freaking out that they may one day become a father to two ready-made children. Not only do I expect it, I would be hesitant to date anyone that didn't freak out because I would be unsure if he really grasped the reality of the situation. So while I can easily accept his fears, the issue I had was with how his fears were being handled.

This Is Not A Post I Wanted To Write

Well this isn't a post that I wanted to write so forgive my grammar, I'm writing during an ugly cry.

As I was writing the last post, the one about the philosophy guy, it really got me thinking that wow, he looks amazing, so why am I struggling so much in wanting to fully commit to him?

I can't believe how much has changed since I posted that blog on Monday night.

Everything with him and I has always been so easy. Even the few differences of opinion we had were settled openly, easily, and with an effort to compromise; so much so that he even commented on how nicely we"dispute" feelings. Yet still we hadn't really ever sat down and talked about the elephant in the room and as I was writing about it in the blog post, I realized how heavy it was weighing on my mind. As he went about his days discussing "our future," I was content to live in the moment and was actively striving to not look past a several week time frame.

But why!? This is what I wanted, this is exactly the kind of committed relationship I wanted, right?

Because we had yet to revisit the the topic of my children after he told me that the prospect of parenting my kids scared him.

So last night, I asked him.

We had one of those conversations that you know is going to be serious because it starts out with a sigh and is immediately followed by "we need to talk."

We did need to talk, because I needed some answers.

"How are you feeling about my kids?" I asked him.

Then the sigh came from him and my heart fell to the floor.

Hey, I'm Finally Telling You About The Boy.

So I met another boy.

Actually I met several of them, but none stuck like this one.

**(When I broke up with The Detective Whose Name I Do Not Like there was a delay in me posting about it, much like there has been a delay in telling you about this dude, so this dude has been around longer than it appears.)**

Before I got to this boy in particular though, there was a New Yorker who took me to dinner and kept telling the wait staff to "bring er whateva she wants! She wants a steak, giver da biggest one! (I did not want a steak) Ya like that sweetie? Get whateva ya want!" Awkward...

The New Yorker lasted only a few dates until we had a highly strained debate about hunting. Yep, hunting. He is an avid hunter, I am not. You want to eat Bambi's mom, fine, eat Bambi's mom. You want to kill a bunch of animals that you aren't even going to eat just so you can mount their heads in your living room, I don't even want to hear about it. I thought I was being pretty cool by telling him that we could have separate hobbies but I just don't want hunting to be one we share and he basically thought I was a moron.

He tried in ten different ways to convince me that animals don't have feelings and I tried in ten different ways to tell him that we can agree to disagree. He wouldn't drop the subject and after it finally got to the point one evening where I found myself gritting my teeth to keep from yelling at him that I know what it feels like to have my life at the mercy of another, that I know what real terror feels like, that I know what it feels like when the life is starting to drain from your body, and that sport hunting will never be one of my hobbies, I knew it was time to end things.

I did not yell at him that night but I did however block his number and never speak to him again.

Well That About Sums Up My Writing Work Week

Twas a busy week!! The weekend so far hasn't been all that shabby either. I'm spending some good quality time with the boy I'm dying to tell you all about as soon as I buckle down and finish the post about him, which will be this week I PROMISE.

But in the meantime, since it's a no work weekend feel free to check out these nifty pieces instead:

I'm Afraid Of Me

We were on our way to another state to visit some friends of hers when it happened.

The next thing I knew we were pulled over on the highway, the car parked up against a concrete barrier, and she was screaming something to the effect of "WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE." I sat in the backseat, terrified as I watched her hyperventilate and shake uncontrollably.

Seeing the fear in her face I understood that surely we were all going to die.

For several hours I sat in the back seat of my mother's van, my two brothers next to me, while my mother repeatedly proclaimed that this was the day we were going to meet our fate.

The traffic, the speed, the roads, "this is where you come to die."

Eventually we made it to our destination. I can't remember how, which I find strange because of how prominent the memory is in my life, but I really can't remember. I kind of think maybe my father came and got us, but even then I don't know if I just fabricated that memory over time.

"Weird." It's What Life's Made Of

Have you ever been in situation and in the middle of it find yourself thinking "I can't believe this is happening?"

No? Just me?

All the time you guys, all the time.

A couple of weeks ago I was having friends over and one of my girlfriends gave me $20 and asked me to pick up some wine. I stopped at the store and grabbed five bottles of some on-sale cheap stuff. When I got up to the register the cashier asked "is this all for you?" meaning "did you need anything else?" but me and my smart ass mouth said "well I was planning to share with friends but still, that's a little judgemental."

He just stared at me.

"Um...because you asked if this was all for me" I told his confused looking face.

"Oh! Ma'am! (don't call me ma'am, I'm not old) I was just asking if you needed anything else!" he said as his apology tumbled out of him.

"Oh no," I said, "I know that, I was joking with you." 

Again with the confused look.

Never mind.

Speaking of wine, I have a fabulous single mom friend who lives out of state. We, as many single parents do, sometimes find ourselves craving a night out but are trapped at home due to sleeping tiny people. 

So the other night, because we are self-proclaimed geniuses, we came up with a spin off of the drinking game "I have never ever" that we called "would you rather: dating edition." All the questions centered around sex and dating and it looked like this: The two of us sitting in front of our laptops, on Skype, one of us would ask a question, and then we would both write the answer on a piece of paper. On the count of three we would hold the paper up in front of the screen and if our answers matched we would take a drink.

It was fun!! Here, I'll even get you started if you want to play on your own;

"Would you rather date a guy who lives with his mother or his ex-girlfriend as a roommate?" 

"Would you rather sleep with a guy who has body odor or bad breath?"

"Would you rather get caught having sex by your parents or your partners parents?"
"Would you rather your date have slept with everyone in his high school or you being his first since high school?"

It was fun. Don't judge me.

Speaking of confused looks, a few weeks ago we spent the morning in the emergency room because of the Boy Child. I'll give you a hint of what day it was, note our clothes;

Still not sure?

A Kiss From Me To You

The holiday's are over!!!

I don't know about all of you, but I am worn out! 

More than worn out though, I was ABSOLUTELY blown away at how much you guys care about me and my kids. I received quite a few emails asking how our holiday's went and since I truly do care about you all, I figured that sharing a few pictures would allow me to share a bit of our (crazy) holiday's with you.

Public Service Announcment: Don't Be Insane

Have you ever watched someone who is attempting to do something and not only are they not making any progress, but you can just tell that the way they are doing it is going to cause them to NEVER make any progress?

"Um, excuse me, but maybe if you tried..." you try to say before they cut you off.

"NO I GOT IT THANKS."

You can tell they are frustrated but they have been at it for so long that they aren't about to give up on their attempts now, because they. will. not. be. defeated!

"I know what I'm doing" they say, "it just needs a little more effort, a little more strength put into it, and it will work, I just know it will!"

Except that you know it's not going to work. You've been watching them struggle for quite a while, clearly making no progress, and you know the only thing they are doing is wasting their time. Half of you wants to help them so that maybe they can accomplish their goal and the other half of you wants to bitch slap them across the face, because HELLO, reality check here, what you are doing is NOT working.