“I’ll forward them to you” he said, and in response, my
entire body cringed. You see, I’d been dating this guy for a while now, and he
had just told his best female friend that he couldn’t speak to her anymore,
because of me. She reacted with a string of very pleasant emails that called me
everything from a psycho bitch to a complete mental case. She told him that he
needed to break up with me, and was livid that he wasn’t defending her. And by
livid, I mean she said “FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU.”
So basically, it was a
lot of fun.
Now let me back up for a minute and say that yes, I’ve been seeing
someone. I waiver back and forth between discussing it on here, and not
discussing it on here, and I guess what it really comes down to is that I feel
like I’ve displayed so much of my dating life online, that I’m feeling a bit
vulnerable at the moment.
You’ve watched me go on good dates, and
horrible
dates, you’ve seen me
fend
off creepy men that I wasn’t at all interested in, you’ve seen me
start
to fall for people, and you’ve seen
me
get my heart broken when it didn’t work out. You’ve watched
me
break a few hearts, and you’ve seen me
struggle
to date while trying to find the balance that still puts my kids first.
You’ve also watched me try and figure out if monogamy or polyamory was for me,
and you saw that I landed somewhere undecided.
I’ve basically bared everything from the inside of my heart
to the
inside
of my bedroom, and I don’t know… I guess I’m just feeling a little shy this
time around because I’ve already eaten so much dirt while the whole world has
watched, that I'm a little full of dirt at the moment.
So to be vague and yet somewhat concrete, yes, at this point I am
seeing someone monogamously. Where this will end up, I really couldn’t say. We
aren’t living together or anything like that. There is no secret engagement, my
kids aren’t calling him daddy, he isn’t paying any of my bills, but we are
together. We have been taking things at a snail’s pace (there are kids involved
here!) and how this proceeds from there, only time will tell. But as I said,
I’m just feeling a little vulnerable these days, and honestly I’m not sure how
many more times I can have my heart broken and still find a positive spin on it
while I put myself back together. I think, at this point, that I’d almost
rather grieve the loss of another relationship privately if it were to come to
that, and I hope that you can all respect that. So until I’m a little surer of
the unsure, vague it is.
But what I will say, is that so far things seem to be going
well… and that is much to the dismay of his close female friend, whose emails were the
ones he was forwarding to me.
Allow me set the
stage for you:
Shortly after I started dating this guy — who we will now
refer to as The Guy (I know, I’ve gotten so creative with these names lately,
haven’t I?) — I learned that he had a very close female friend. Aaaannnddd… I’m
not going to lie; my radar signals went up. He hadn’t given me any reason to
suspect anything and I’d like to think that I’m mature enough and secure enough
to handle my man having a close female friend…. but let’s just say that I’m not always that mature.
